Box Boy's Unwanted Mind Swap Episode (Ch. 6)
Chapter 6: Breath Mint
Kat slammed another book closed and threw it on the pile with several other books. One spell book was full of really advanced necromantic spells that made her mind spin. The other was a collection of cheap party tricks. She was responsible for a lot of the underline pencil marks and dogeared bits in there. The one she’d just sifted through was more of a general glossary on terms or basic runes for beginners. Nothing even close to mind swaps. She stared longingly at the platinum haired sorceress in all black on the cover with an assistant in too-big blue robes.
If Darlene wasn’t a nicely dressed creature from the underworld, she’d be a godsend. If Box Boy had a magic tutor step parent, Kat might actually learn proper magic instead of waiting for Ichabod’s scraps or trying to hopelessly piece things together by swimming through an eclectic collection of magic books.
Box Boy might kill her for this, but she’d been thinking obsessively about what might happen if she summoned Cupid. When she was younger, she’d been drawn to myths and stories about him in particular out of the Greek pantheon. She remembered an old woman at the park recounting her epic love story over and over again: Cupid had helped her find the charming young man that dropped his beetle broach and once they met up, they became inseparable and had been married over 50 years now.
She spent hours digging through a forum where so many people claimed Cupid helped them find their soulmate, mend their relationship, and go to the ends of the Earth to solve matters of the heart. No problem was too big and no squabble was too petty. Supposedly, he was an even more hopeless romantic than Kat or Box Boy.
Between the two of them, Box Boy was more active when it came to grand romantic gestures or overtures, but Kat understood the appeal. She liked to think she believed true love existed for everybody that wanted it.
Just as Kat was going to try to dig through another tome, she noticed a sandaled foot touch the nearby grass. Her breath caught in her throat as she slowly looked up and there he was, a wall of muscle in a light pink toga paired with a Valentine’s colored utility belt and a bright crimson quiver strapped to his back.
So many paintings and illustrations depicted the love god as a 20-something with a slim frame and curly hair. The genuine article looked like an 80’s action hero with crinkles at the edges of his eyes and a prominent forehead.
“Um…” Kat struggled to her feet. “Hi.”
“Katherine...right?” Cupid asked with a friendly smile.
“I prefer Electron.” Kat frowned. “How...did you know?”
“Gods know a thing or two about magic.” Cupid chuckled.
“Right…” Kat tapped her fingertips. “Think you could reverse this?” She gestured vaguely at her head.
“No.” He gave her an apologetic look. “I would if I knew how…”
“Worth a shot.” Kat took a tentative step closer. “You’re not what I expected. You look...different?”
“It’s been a few thousand years,” Cupid said. “I’ve been getting that a lot since I chose to look a little, well, older. More distinguished. Aging isn’t so horrible, you know.”
“My dad would disagree,” Kat said with a harsh laugh. “So...Do you know someone named Lacey?”
“Charlene’s ex-girlfriend is happily settled with a partner and a daughter.” Cupid replied. “Also, I’m not breaking up Charlene and Darlene. They’re a terrible match, but my goal is to mend broken hearts or help wayward lovers that need a little push. I only interfere when it’s absolutely necessary.”
“Seriously...?” Kat glared at him. “That’s a load of shit.”
Cupid folded his hands. “This will be a really good learning experience for Charlene. She’ll find a much healthier relationship later on. By herself. In her own time.”
“What about Box Boy? They’re ruining his life now.” Kat gave Cupid an annoyed look. “He shouldn’t be collateral damage for Charlene’s terrible life choices.”
“Even if I did break them up, it wouldn’t fix his situation.”
“It’d get rid of Darlene,” Kat hissed.
“It’s more complicated than that!” Cupid cried, throwing up his hands. “It’s not that simple, Electron. If Darlene left, Charlene might find someone else worse. She’s not going to magically recover and return things back to normal or some better situation. It’s sweet that you’re so worried about your boyfriend, but neither you or me can fix that situation. That’s up to Charlene.”
“You could fix it! Gods mess with humans all the time.” She narrowed her eyes. “Things won’t get resolved if this is left up to her or Pop. She already picked Darlene over her own son. Since reuniting her with Lacey isn’t an option, someone needs to knock some sense into her...”
“I’m not here to talk about Charlene.” Cupid sighed again. “I’m here to talk to you about your unresolved issues with Box Boy. The best thing you could do right now is be there for him. Be honest. Don’t let jealousy-”
While Cupid was talking, Kat inched closer and closer. She nodded, pretending she was listening, while she used Box’s chicken claw to cut a hole in the bottom of the quiver on Cupid’s back. She managed to snipe one of his arrows, but just as she was trying to slide it under her shirt, Cupid snatched it away and held it above his head.
“These aren’t toys!” he said angrily.
Kat gave him an indignant look. “They might as well be, the way you use them…”
“I’m not the same person I was a few hundred years ago!” Cupid said. “I’m very careful about how I use these. They’re more for show than anything else.”
Kat jumped and Cupid bounced back into the air, floating a few inches off the ground. He was just out of the highest range that Box Boy could jump. Furious, Kat growled at him and bared her teeth.
“I’m sorry!” Cupid called out.
“Aren’t you supposed to help people?!” Kat howled.
“I was trying to help,” he said softly before he turned and flew away.
Kat debated flashing the middle finger at his retreating form. Instead, she spat at the spot he’d been in moments ago and retreated to the trunk of the willow. She grumbled under her breath as she parked on the grass. Then she noticed something glinting inches from the toe of her black loafer.
It was the tip of one of Cupid’s arrows. On closer inspection, it was one of the iron-tipped ones…
She reached out and grinned wickedly, Box Boy’s canines flashing in the reflection. Maybe Kat had time to give Darlene a ‘friendly’ little poke before Box returned from POINT HQ…
****
Box Boy peered around the corner. The glorb storehouse wasn’t nearly as glamorous as he’d imagined it. There was just a white door marked “Glorbs.” It might as well be the nondescript janitor’s office. He grunted before turning towards a grinning, bemused Tate.
“Okay...where’s the Iron Buttmunch?”
“The what?” Tate’s eyes widened.
“The Iron Butterfly.” Box Boy flapped his hand. “He patrols this area, right?”
“You know more than me.” Tate bit on his sucker, trying to stifle laughter. “The Iron Buttmunch...Wow. I’ve heard him called the Iron Dictator, the Bruiser Butterfly, or some other really nasty things. I’m guessing this is a Kitty-kat original?”
“Sure, sure.” Box Boy rolled his eyes. “Keep an eye out. As soon as someone shows, I need you to step in as my distraction.”
Tate gave him a look as he crammed his hands in his jacket pockets.
“What?”
“If we were going with your plan, you’d be the distraction.” Tate smirked. “I have something much simpler. More straightforward in mind. But if you insist on being the bait, we can lure out the Iron Butterfly to play…”
“We can avoid him…?” Box Boy gaped slightly.
“Watch me, Kitty.” Tate reached out and gently closed Box Boy’s mouth. He added an extra playful gesture when he booped his nose.
“Don’t...don’t call me that!” Box Boy clenched his fists and felt his face heat up.
To Box’s chagrin, Tate meowed and chuckled as he casually walked out of their hiding spot. He wandered down the hall, lightly rapped on a nearby office, and seconds later Foxtail emerged. Box Boy leaned as far as he could manage without giving away his position. He desperately missed his cyborg parts right now. He couldn’t hear a word of what smooth talking Tate was pulling off.
All he could do was watch, absolutely dumbstruck, as Tate and Foxtail walked up to the storehouse. Foxtail held up a “Wait here” finger, entered, and then returned with a softly pulsating glorb moments later. She handed it to Tate, gave him a thumbs up and a clap on the back, then returned to whatever she’d been doing in her office.
Tate approached Box Boy with the glorb and a huge, smug smile on his face. The light bouncing off the glorb cast him a slightly ghoulish light, making him look sinister.
“Here you go!” Tate tossed the glorb and Box Boy stumbled to catch it.
“Thank you,” Box Boy said through gritted teeth.
“So…what else is on your lucky boyfriend’s wishlist?” Tate winked and clicked his tongue.
Box Boy shifted the glorb into the crook of his arm, keeping his gaze focused on its glow instead of his irritating companion. So much of him was debating whether he wanted to kiss that handsome face or challenge him to a match so he had an excuse to punch his nose in. His blush intensified as he imagined Kat watching this guy from afar. He understood the appeal. If he wasn’t hopelessly in love and devoted to a one and only, he’d…
Tate meowed again and Box Boy was sure his face was tomato red by now.
“I want to raid my dad’s office,” Box Boy said in a low voice.
“Ohhh…” There was a sparkle in Tate’s eye. “I wouldn’t mind taking a few souvenirs from Pumpkinhead’s office for myself.”
Box Boy imagined picking the lock with his claw. Then he looked down at Kat’s short, stubby fingernails and remembered she didn’t use bobby pins. She seemed like someone that would not only know how to lockpick but would have a kit or tools.
Before he could start looking through her wallet or otherwise, Tate fished an army knife out of his pocket and waggled his brows. He’d also withdrawn a scrap of notebook paper. He scribbled his number and handed the paper to Kat with a surprisingly earnest look. “Lemme know what your boyfriend cooks up. I’d like to meet him and his robot.”
Box Boy’s heart flew into his throat and he swallowed hard as he took the paper with trembling fingers. “S-sure…”
“You’ll have to lead the way.” Tate gestured. “I’m still learning the layout of this place.”
Box Boy nodded stiffly before moving forward on stilted legs. Somehow, he charged to the exact location on autopilot, heart roaring in his ears the entire time.
Conveniently, Ichabod’s office was only another few turns away from the storehouse and Foxtail. There was a goofy jack o’ lantern cutout pasted to the frosted glass and crepe paper streamers full of bats and spiders dangled from the archway.
“I know POINT loves their themes and motifs.” Tate plucked at part of the crepe paper. “But Pumpkinhead is the most overzealous I’ve seen. Hands down.”
“You don’t know the half of it…” Box muttered.
Tate smiled as he knelt down and held up his tool to the lock. He was met with a sharp crackle of green energy and a series of symbols.
“Okey…” Tate frowned at Box Boy. “I need you to disarm this-”
Box Boy noticed a figure rounding the nearby corner. Quickly, he grabbed Tate by the forearm and shoved him away from the door. The figure was closer now. Nervous, he pressed himself and Tate against the nearby wall, squeezing his eyes shut and wishing he could turn invisible.
“Kiss me, you fool!” Box Boy crowed.
He leaned further into Tate and impulsively recreated one of those ‘pretending to kiss’ scenes ripped out of some movie he watched recently. Though, where the movie characters had tilted their heads just so or did something with perspective, Tate kissed Box Boy before he could even think about the choreography or steps attached to faking a kiss.
“Not the place for that, kids…” The stranger tutted as they passed. “Take it outside!”
The minute they were gone, Box Boy pulled away from Tate and started swiping at his mouth with the edge of his sleeve. He shot a glance towards Tate and was met with raised brows.
“I’m sorry…” Box Boy said in a low whisper.
“Mmm….” Tate held a hand up to his mouth and gingerly touched his lips.
“So sorry!”
“Breath mint,” Tate replied with narrowed lids. Then he grinned and started cackling as he pointed at the door lock. “Disarm the spell on the door?”
“Breath mint?” Box Boy blinked at him. “That’s all you have to say?”
“First kisses usually suck.” Tate shrugged. “And didn’t you say you were taken?”
“YeahIdid…”
“Well…” Tate looked away. “If your boyfriend lives up to your hype, I can kiss him too and we can call it even.”
Box Boy squealed as he turned his gaze towards the tiled floor.
“I’m just teasing! I have plenty of experience faking kisses on stage, okay? We were just acting. No big deal.”
Box Boy nodded as he buried his hands in his hoodie pocket and tried not to focus too hard on his heart trying to escape from his body. Or the sweat pooling on the back of his neck. Or the hopeless fantasies of getting to kiss Tate as himself rather than as his girlfriend.
****
Kat carefully pulled the door closed behind her as she entered Box Boy’s house. Everything was lining up like an 8 ball ready to get knocked into the corner pocket. Mama Box and Darlene were sprawled out on the living room couch.
As Kat slowly walked around, she found Mama Box slouched against the cushions with Darlene’s stockinged feet in her lap. Mama was giving her horrible girlfriend a foot massage. Darlene herself had one arm slung across her eyes and her hair was loose and spread across her shoulders. While Darlene was lost in her own thoughts, Mama was focused on some soap opera.
Kat drew the arrow tip out of her pocket. Despite the popular portrayal in cards and other media, she didn’t have to aim for Darlene’s posterior. Instead, she leaned forward, aiming for the back of Darlene’s hand. The tip was a hair’s breadth away and then Darlene snatched it.
Dread seized Kat and she stumbled, falling to the tan carpeting. In a weirdly fluid motion, Darlene slid to her feet and towered over Kat. She rolled the arrow tip between her thumb and forefinger.
“Are you done with whatever bizarre game you’re playing?” She narrowed her eyes. “Bernard’s girlfriend, I presume…?”
“What?” Mama Box stood up.
Kat crawled backwards, digging her fingers into the carpeting behind her.
“Your son and his girlfriend swapped bodies.” Darlene sneered. “A lot of inexperienced young magic casters love to toy with spells far outside of their experience. It’s probably some sort of prank.”
“Boxy…?” Mama Box was staring at her now.
“It’s...Electro-” Kat took another wary glance at Darlene’s severe face. “Kat. Katherine. It’s Katherine.”
“Where’s Boxy?” Mama Box’s expression turned serious.
Kat chewed on her lip. Before she could decide her next move, Darlene raised her elegant hand and snapped her fingers. The sound seemed to echo more than it should.
“He’s with my dad,” Kat heard herself say. “Stealing parts from POINT HQ for Mr. Haircut.”
At that, Darlene shot a withering look at Mama. Resigned, the other woman held up a hand and started moving towards the kitchen and the landline phone.
Kat resisted the urge to vomit as Darlene rounded on her with flaring nostrils and the wrath of hell. Mama Box’s girlfriend flicked the tip at Kat and it bounced off of her nose to the floor. Brows furrowed, Kat looked at the tip, then cautiously back at Darlene.
“It’s not effective without the full arrow,” Darlene hissed.
Kat swallowed hard.
“When you’re told to stay away…” Darlene leaned in and raised one of her sharp, neat nails. “Stay away. Got it?”
Kat stared at her trembling reflection in Darlene’s irises. All of her anger, frustration, and bravado seeped out of her and sank into the surrounding floor. If Darlene was waiting for an answer, Kat was frozen in place. Mercifully, Darlene pulled away a moment later and picked her way back to the couch.
She settled in with ramrod straight posture, her hands folded primly in her lap. No matter what happened next, Kat wasn’t going to stay away. She had to retreat right now. But damn it, she wasn’t going to let this woman win.