#yoursocialworker

[yoursocialworker-blog]

your social worker is still sick, but could not pass up the opportunity to see a good friend visiting town. these moments of confidence and good energy have been rare and it seems foolish to waste sitting on the couch sick. of course this prolonged the healing process, but we knew that was a risk and that few hours of love and peace were worth it.

[yoursocialworker-blog]

that voice that says “you’re not important,” “if you were more ___ people would still be around,” “people only care about you when it’s convenient.” your social worker hears it too. a good support system is important, but what do you do when that voice starts to tell you that you’re a burden to them? fortunately or unfortunately, i was sick this weekend and didn’t have enough energy to focus on anything. but we can’t always count on a sinus infection to bail us out of an emotional crisis. talk to someone... even if it feels like you’re a broken record and they would rather be doing literally anything else.

[yoursocialworker-blog]

last night was the first night in months your social worker went out for a social call. did she freak out? yes. did she shake? you bet. have trouble breathing steady and dig her nails in her palms? absolutely.

that’s it. there’s no lesson here. sometimes your social worker misses simple things being simple.

but now she’s at work checking “be social” off of her to-do list.

[yoursocialworker-blog]

your social worker made a personal decision to ween off of medication and explore other natural alternatives. there is nothing natural about the feeling of chest crushing, stomach twisting, panic inducing anxiety. and when you walk out of the office she will tighten her stomach, breathe deeply, grit her teeth, and do a few jumping jacks. whatever it takes to get through the day and take care of her peeps.

[yoursocialworker-blog]

the woman in the picture

now she is tired. now she is nervous. she is medicated and using every resource available to her including journaling, therapy, (very periodic) exercise, disclosure to those she trusts, realigning her focus, change in diet, and cutting back on social and other obligations. your social worker still struggles and she for sure looks like she could use another 4-10 hours of sleep, but she is still at work because she wants to be there for you.

[yoursocialworker-blog]

the “why”

no one thinks that one day they will grow up to be depressed, obsessive, lonely, faithless, hopeless, directionless… or consider ending it all. or at least, i didn’t. i was “normal” with normal goals, dreams, yada yada. maybe it was a slow growth, but eventually what is now routine depression and anxiety took over my life.

here we go…