#yousta diary

[yousta]

I'm happy I met you in this life. I genuinely just wanted to die before we met. It crushes me to think I wouldn't have been here to see this play out. Would there have been someone to see you? I don't put that much faith in the world after seeing how they did me. I'm glad I got to save you, you saved me.

[yousta]

I feel so deep in love with you. Imagining a life without you feels impossible. I only see dread, anxiety, and death. I don't foresee a moment of that life being okay, that's what scares me. I don't know how I'd go on living. Just imagining it for a second feels like baseball to the heart, I'd be no one, nothing without you.

[yousta]

I was always alone year after year, and it turned so hollow. I didn't ever want to be, it seemed like. So many nights were spent with me being the only person in the room. Not even so much as one person knew how much I grew to hate being alone. Cause being alone was all I had ever known. Cheers to whoever's living an eventful life. While you were shining around town. I must've appeared so childish whenever someone simply didn't want to talk to me anymore. My insides were loud like motorcycles, and I couldn't stop it. I'd break down crying in front of girls I had liked, begging them not to leave. One I had known a long time. I couldn't blame her for it either. I felt so low and negative from my own existence. It's hard being right and knowing you're right. On the inside, I felt unlovable. I wished my mom had scolded me more. I wished my dad was still around to tell what it was. I wish I still had an older sister or friend who could've just looked at me and hugged me as I cried. Now I look at people who come up to me now, and it's hard to just laugh like nothing happened. When you said that, the only time you felt yourself was when you were alone or with the person you loved. Those sounded like sweet recollections and framings from what felt like a long-lost friend because that's exactly how I feel now. I only ever feel alive with you @your-thorn

[yousta]

My insides felt all loud

A world without you would be one where I never felt hope

[yousta]

Im proud I did these things this week ^^ good to help balance my beloved yan schizo posting