I hate having BPD
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I hate having BPD
I don’t want to leave. Please, let me stay with you. Let me stay with you for as long as you allow me to.
Being a yan and having avoidant personality disorder is gods cruelest joke, like yes, I want to love you and keep you with me, but you terrify me because I can’t handle the thought of rejection, even if I know you’ll never reject me
Genuinely need a g soo bad rn but like one that's kinda freaked out so they don't mind when I get rlly jealous and possessive. Or when I start scrolling through their blog 24/7 and send like fifteen anonymous asks a day.... anyone...... out there
I need bf/gf/partner like Pierrot from TFC...
Its difficult that he's schizophrenic, it suddenly got some paranoia about sending its pictures to me and now he doesn't send me anything ;__; And he has paranoia about privacy too so he won't give me his passwords and stuff and ofc everything have to be consensually so I don't want to force him (that would be toxic) but I dont like concept of privacy when dating someone. Actually, he doesn't stalk me enough (he doesn't even know about this blog 😭). And I want to know more about its daily life. BUT ITS HARD SOMETIMES I HATE IT
I don't wanna be accidentally toxic, I dont want to be selfish (tho it is) but I'm BPDing over my boyfriend a lot recently like ughgjhjjjhh he was so obsessed with me but now it calmed down and I started BPDing more instead 😭😭😭 (we're yan4yan, both BPD). Sometimes I wonder if I should find myself someone else too (we're poly), I couldn't leave him tho but if I had attention from someone else too it could be easier, I dont wanna for it to look like I'm replacing him tho I feel ignored by him tho I know logically he's not ignoring me and we live in different timezones and he goes non verbal sometimes.... BUT 😭😭😭😭 I dont know. It hurts. That I need attention and affection and I dont have it (in amount I need) and I know its my disorders ughhhh
