Let him die there then, that hopeless romantic you claim to have now, after all this time. Do you know how long I waited? Tucked safely away in my mind, I sat there quietly, in our farmhouse, water boiling to make coffee exactly how you like it.
I waited, with a new smile on every single morning, hoping you would open the door, blowing the dust away with your eyes shining, brimming with life and love for me, to embrace me in your arms and smell my hair.
I waited. Dreaming of a future that involved a white dress and way too many flowers, I waited. I kept telling myself, give it more time, it’s okay, you’re in this for the long haul and this will just be a blip of a bumpy road with the love of your life, you can look back and laugh, just wait. I tried, my love, please believe me, I tried. My love for you grew into something that ripped away the love I once had for myself. I looked into the mirror and saw nothing, a tired face perhaps, but no one I really recognized. Who was I really, other than your woman? I had nothing, and what scared me the most was I was content with that... because I did it to myself.
Funny, now you’re ready to open the door, to realize what we had meant to each other, to stop with the fear of letting me in. But you will find I am not there. The garden will soon overgrow, the coffee will grow cold, and you will wait there alone, just as I did.
But my dear, do not worry, you will not wait there as long as I did, you will close and lock the door far sooner than I ever could, and I hope in your solace there you will understand a small taste of my anguish.