Apr 30, 2017
is there a combination btwn yikes & ugh
#yugh?#ugkes?#I'm feeling so yugh at myself rn#why can't I stop my emotions why can't I shut these down#now that his ex double dumped him it's been so much harder#I honestly thought I was gonna be ok but I don't think I am anymore#like it's so much better than it used to be but I still think about things that I shouldn't way too often#he's just making it so much harder on me and drunk me loves that but sober me gets upset#because I need to be going the other direction but I don't have the self discipline to shut him down consistently#and I've been ok at not initiating but last night I was not so good at avoiding that and idk i just wanted to cuddle so badly and I hate it#and I can't talk to him about it#I mean I technically could but that would be way too awkward for me to handle tbh that would be a terrible conversation#and I don't think it would solve any of my problems lmao#I'm just afraid bc we're getting so close to summer and I don't want a long expanse of time where I don't have closure and I start pining#like I did winter break that got so bad omg#idk I'm a mess#and craving physical contact and male attention and it's just so convenient to have him there#I'm just so tired of struggling with this like UGH let me be over this! I'm tired of this!!!#I want us all to be friends and that's it there's too much messiness building up and I don't like it#having guy friends is hard who knew#esp when they're all p cute lol blegh#personal
