#zaiii

[messierthanmost]

Some mornings I wake up pretending the blankets I wrap myself in are your arms.

Some days only your innocent kisses on my forehead make it all better.

And some nights, I miss you more than I care to admit.

[messierthanmost]

Your song.

They got me starin at the world through my rearview Go on baby scream to God, he can't hear you. 

[messierthanmost]

It's been so long

Since I've asked someone to stay with me. Despite the difficulties, the love and unfamiliarity. And I'm too hardened to ask again.

[messierthanmost]

nomnomnom,

It's silly how I get so happy about seeing Zai for lunch - just a simple lunch on a unexpected day. Alhamdhuillah. FOOOD TIMEE WOOO HOOO

[messierthanmost]

It is a beautiful night,

but I am terribly sad. The wind kisses my bare arms, leaving chills to cool my fevered skin. This sadness makes me heat up; either from anxiety or confusion. I wish you knew how important it was for me to be able to talk to you - its harder for me to be face to face & open up. I've always been the strong one - to hug someone, to hold them in times of difficulty, to reassure them with a squeeze of the hand, or a kiss on the forehead - it's harder for me to be vulnerable when I'm physically with a person. My body doesn't allow me to fold into tears, into vulnerability. That's why phone conversations, my writings - they mean so much to me - I can slowly open up. 

[messierthanmost]

My favorite type of affection

is when he leans over spontaneously to kiss me forehead. It soothes me & utterly warms me.  

[messierthanmost]

Fragments

Words race through my mind faster than you drive you car;  I worry about head on collisions of too soon confessions & fragile hearts. I want to write poetry for you, leave you notes in your work pants, pick up your favorite toothpaste, get you wasabi beans for your allergies & have you smile when I drop things in your car. I'm not good at numbers,  but I would use the 26 letters to try to explain how precious you are to me. That these last 24 years were molding you into a strong man; each rub only smoothing you out.  I would hold you & tell you the 40 hours of your hard labor, it does not go unnoticed. 

Tell me stories of the past 6 years -  & I will lightly massage the headaches that still pain you with the memories.  Allow me to be your Atlas for the 10,800 seconds we are together, I promise to not let your world crumble. I'm horrible with numbers, but I could write you a novel on your beauty, I could describe your essence - warm and loving. 

[messierthanmost]

Zai Teachings;

1) Sacrifice for family anytime, all the time. 

2) Work with what you're passionate about. 

3) Not everyone you care about will care about you back.

4) Pick & Choose your battles.

5) Racing requires skill. 

6) Men know how to treat their women, boys don't.

7) Know your basics.

8) Be patient with the ones you loves. 

9) Apologize.

10) Loneliness teaches yourself reliance.