#zanderspeaks

[alexanderzeegreat]

POV: you come into my room to bring me a snack fifteen minutes after I get home from school.

[unclematt1989]

Zander Learns the Alphabet

@alexanderzeegreat

Zander was an adorable boy in kindergarten. At the end of the school day, Zander's teacher Mrs.Applebottom gave the class their homework.

 “Ok children, I want you to go home tonight and learn the first six letters of the alphabet.”

 So Zander left school determined to learn what the teacher had asked. When he got home, he found his mother in the hallway. She was busy talking on the phone with Mr.MacDonald-Berger from down the street.

 He asked her, “Hey Mom, what’s the first letter of the alphabet?”

 She replied “Shut up! Can’t you see I’m on the phone!?”

 Zander was a little confused, but he thanked her and continued on his little way. He walked by the bathroom and found his Daddy trying to fix the toilet.

 He asked, “Yo Daddy, what’s the second letter of the alphabet?”

 Zander’s Father Matt didn’t hear him, and said to himself, “Oh man, do I just looove fixing this goddamn crapper.”

 Again, Zander was confused, but he continued his journey. He walked into the living room and saw his brother (who was only a year older) watching cartoons.

 He asked him, “Hey bro, what’s the third letter of the alphabet?”

 His brother turned to him and said, “Na na na na na na na na na, Batman!”

 Zander Thought for a second but accepted that his brother knew more than him, and continued on his way. He stopped in the kitchen and found his grandfather making hamburgers.

 He asked him, “Hey grandpa, what’s the fourth letter of the alphabet?”

 Grandpa’s hearing wasn’t that good in his old age, so he said to himself, “My buns are ready!”

 Again, Zander thanked his family member and strolled into the family room, where his grandmother was watching TV.

 He asked her, “Grandma, what’s the fifth letter of the alphabet?”

 She was too focused on the sports game, and said, “99! Hit em hard!”

 Zander thanked her too and left to go to his room. Upon arriving, he saw his twin sister playing with her My Little Pony figures.

 He asked her, “Sister, what’s the sixth letter of the alphabet?”

 She ignored him and said, “Over the rainbow!”

 Zander felt like he had learned enough for today, so he rested. The next day at school, the teacher addressed the class.

 “Ok everyone, who can tell me the first six letters of the alphabet?”

 Zander couldn’t contain his excitement. He jumped up and yelled,

 “Shut up! Can’t you see I’m on the phone!?”

 The whole class erupted in laughter, and the teacher sent Zander down to the principal’s office.

 The principal saw Zander walk in and asked him,

 “What were you sent down here for?”

 Zander replied, “Oh man, do I just looove fixing this goddamn crapper!”

 The principal was shocked.

 “Who do you think you are?” He asked.

 Zander replied, “Na na na na na na na na na, Batman!”

 The principal stood up and said, “Are you looking to get a spanking?”

 “My buns are ready!” He replied.

 “Alright,” said the principal, “how many do you want?”

 “99! Hit em hard!” Replied Zander.

 The principal had enough of Zander’s attitude.

 He yelled, “We do not tolerate this behavior at school! I am going to take you to your father and make you repeat what you have said! Where do you live!?”

 To which Zander replied, “Over the rainbow!”

[alexanderzeegreat]

POV: you walking in on me before breakfast when I’m supposed to be getting ready for school.

[alexanderzeegreat]

POV:

you: what did I JUST say, young man?

me: I dunno. you weren’t listening to you, either?

*three seconds of agonizing silence*

then:

[alexanderzeegreat]

my big brother and I went skinny dipping today and it was everything 🥰🥰

we started in just our undies: him in his whities and me in my Dino underoos but they weren’t on long 🙈

[alexanderzeegreat]

littlespace vibe: suffering through a dinner party where you invited the neighbors. you tell me to go get ready for bed and a few minutes later tell me to come out and say goodbye to everybody.

POV

me: *waving*

goodnight mister Mike and Mrs Patricia. sweet dreams!

[alexanderzeegreat]

POV: you tell me to go get dressed for the day, and when you come to my room 30 minutes later, you see this

[alexanderzeegreat]

the first day of first grade is officially in the books and I CRUSHED it!*

it’s not over until you see my back to school photo and proof for all the daddies and mommies that I did, in fact, wear clean underwear 🙄

*by crushing it I mean, of course, only crying three times, having to go to the nurse once, and calling mommy to ask if i could go home early.

not a pretty win, but I’ll take it 👊