#zeevent

[zeenis]

I keep thinking about how I'm gonna have to get my wisdom teeth removed soon and it's horrifying me cause anything bad happening to my mouth, swollen tongue, broken teeth, jaw clenching shut, etc, is one of my greatest fears. You can thank those fuck awful stress dreams I used to have where my jaw would clench shut, applying so much pressure to my teeth that they would break in my mouth and pour out blood while I screamed in pain and begged for help while my mother ignored me and told me I was fine. eeeegh now I'm feeling anxious

[zeenis]

There are times where I desperately wish I could just turn off certain emotions. Like, anger and jealously. Mostly cause I've been done wrong in the past by people who used to be my best friends and then I see some of my best friends still being friends with them and it makes me feel so disgusting and sick.

[zeenis]

Nothing but car troubles today. Eeegh, a tip to all you soon to be adults/people who just became the new owners to cars/trucks/whatever

ALWAYS KEEP UP THE MAINTENANCE

Get that oil changed, check your filters, headlights, keep air in your tires, keep track of your license stickers and holy shit make sure you don't leave any kind of food in your car. Even by accident. Keep an eye on your fucking food and don't ever bring milk into your car. Spill that shit and you'll regret it for the rest of your fucking life. 

[zeenis]

I'm a little lonesome right now, but I don't want to sleep. I should do some drawing/doodling, but I don't know.....

[zeenis]

Just gonna reblog things that are a little lighter. Maybe actual news and just....none of...whatever this is that's going on right now.

The talk of violence and murder and the disgusting insults and stereotypes about my home state. I mean, I am obviously all for the the bill NOT passing. Being a woman myself and wanting my reproductive rights to only be my business, but I don't want to be a part of this all this....anger and hate. 

There comes a time when the drawn line has been crossed and it's been crossed long ago.

[zeenis]

I feel tired and sad for some reason. Sad and lonely....that's probably why I feel sad. I don't like feeling sad, but I do.

I wish I didn't.

[zeenis]

I wish I could be one of those people who can forgive others after so much abuse. I usually can forgive a lot of shit, like A LOT of shit, but once I hit that limit I start to get bitter and hate the person.

I've only hated two people in my life and they were friends who stabbed me in the back. I think that's the one thing I can never forgive. Something about finding out that that person betrayed your trust and took advantage of you....god it makes me so mad.

I really wish it didn't. Since whenever I see their screen name or see my other friends interacting with them and still having fun with them even after they hurt me so badly. It makes me so angry and jealous and I hate that I feel that way. Because it's not fair to my other friends. That person didn't talk behind their back or sneak around on them. They didn't stab them in the back or lie to them to get what they want. They didn't laugh at them at their own expense. They are allowed to be friends with them since that person hasn't done shit to them and that makes me so mad cause then it's like WELL WHY DID YOU DO IT TO ME!? WHAT MADE ME SO FUCKING SPECIAL THAT YOU WOULD TREAT ME THIS WAY AND THEN ACT LIKE YOU DID NOTHING WRONG!?

I hate feeling this way. It makes me feel like a selfish, jealous, insecure monster and I'm tired of it.

[zeenis]

I came home to some very awful news

I came home 2 hours ago to find that our outside cat Pickles had been killed by me neighbors pitbull and a stray dog. My mother heard growling outside and had grabbed the bbgun cause she knew that the dogs like to give our cat Pickles trouble, but by the time she made it outside the damage had been done and the dogs had run off.

From what my parents told me, Pickles was just lying on the ground and looked like she was in shock before she tried to drag herself across the concrete. In obvious pain and from what my parents could tell they had injured her internally. They didn't know what to do with her so they just let her slip behind some wooden planks we have in the garage and waited for me to come home.

By the time I got home and moved all the boards out of the way, Pickles had moved to a different location. I couldn't find her, so I'm guessing that she moved somewhere else to die peacefully. I had read once that cats have a tendency to do that when they know they're going to die.

To make matters worse, she left behind three kittens. They weren't touched at all by the dogs, so I'm guessing that she used herself to protect and save the kittens. She was a very good mom and I now have the kittens with me inside my room. I'm going to be taking them to the vet in the morning to make sure they're okay and to see if it is okay for me to start feeding them real food, or if I should stay with baby milk for a while longer.

I feel so terrible. Pickles was such a good cat. Super affectionate and she had the habit of making me trip whenever I went outside to feed her. God I'm going to miss her. So damn much.