Has anyone here ever heard the song "Queen & Poet" by John Michael Howell? It’s beautiful, and every time I listen to it, I think of the MC and Zenji—like he wrote it with her in mind, and she’s his queen, and all that. Oh man, it makes me want to write something inspired by the song, but my skills are just average and my English is very simple. What do you guys think?
I'm back! You said to remind me of the request and here I am, I wanted a story where the MC despairs about the curse, to the point where he even stops going on quests, I leave it to you to decide whether the ending is good or bad, whatever you want🙏
exhausted w/ zenji kotodama
note: here you go! i may have tweaked it a little bit and added zenji since you didn't specify if you wanted something with the ghouls or not, hope that's okay!
contains: possible ooc (first time writing for zenji), some body horror, spoilers up to episode 18, hurt/comfort, suicidal thoughts...
You were tired.
Tired of seeing things you shouldn't have to, of making others risk their lives for your safety, of trying to keep yourself positive despite every failure.
You kept going and going, forcing your aching body to stand up and go ahead with another day. Classes, doing tasks for faculty members or some of the ghouls, spending your time in the library trying to search for new information if there wasn't a mission, going back to bed without having made any progress... Rinse and repeat.
Now you were looking at the sky, elbows on the windowsill as the cool breeze caressed your hair.
"My dear, you shouldn't lean forward too much."
The unexpected voice almost made you slip, an ghostly arm instinctively shooting forward in front of you as if to stop your fall, but you managed to grab onto the ledge. The man floating by your side sighed in relief.
"See? As alluring as the night sky might be, it's very dangerous to let yourself be blinded by its beauty."
You try to give him the best smile you can. "Yeah, sorry, I didn't notice I was leaning so much."
The thoughts of your impending doom were too distracting, after all. So haunting that sometimes you were sure you could feel the tattoo on your back slowly grow bigger and bigger.
Just by seeing Zenji's soft expression, you prepare yourself for what you knows will follow.
"... Everyone has been quite worried about you, dear."
Of course they would be, at least those who actually seemed to care about your well-being. You hadn't talked to anyone these last few days since the Star Festival ended, not even Kaito or Luca, who only caught a brief glimpse of you during classes.
You didn't respond to any texts, be it from the ghouls who demanded something from you, others who tried to invite you over, or even those that mentioned possible details for a mission.
The disappointment you felt after seeing another chance to free yourself from the curse vanish before your eyes was... not easy to deal with.
It was just so tiring to keep hoping only to be let down time and time again: the Genesis, Yuri's medicine, Edward's attempt at making you a vampire, the Sheepdog, Shi San Long... and now, the Sky King. Some of them might have worked, if only to give you a few more months to live, but others meant sacrificing your humanity, which was what you wanted to maintain in the first place.
With every failure, you felt more and more like the Kyklos was laughing at you, watching with that giant eye you couldn't forget. Waiting in her corner for flowers to sprout from under your skin, to watch your head burst in a colorful bouquet with an eye just like hers, vines intertwining with your veins, a horrible, bloody smile on what remained of your face...
Such vision followed you every night when you closed your eyes, making you wonder if maybe it would be better to end your life before letting that despicable anomaly take over. Darwick would make sure you wouldn't survive if the curse took you, either way.
"My dear?"
Your thoughts were interrupted by a worried voice and a cold feeling against your cheek. Zenji's hand retreated, his red eyes filled with understanding and pain. Of course, he was always so empathetic, he likely had an idea of what you've been thinking about.
"I understand the despair of not knowing if you'll be able to reach your goal. You're carrying such a heavy burden..." One of his hands hovers over one of your own. There is no touch, no warmth, no physical comfort, it's akin to a breeze. "But, remember that you are not alone."
"... I don't want them to risk their lives for me anymore." You never did, but now even more so. "It's just... failure after failure. What if one of them gets hurt trying to protect me, only for me to still turn into the Kyklos?"
"That is their choice." The firmness in his voice disconcerts you for a moment but, as you glance back at him, his red eyes are still soft. "You can't tell them not to protect their beloved friend. They're very much aware of the possibilities."
You stay quiet. No words come out of your mouth, nor do sentences form in your head. You're tired, exhausted, but know that Zenji's right, you can't decide for them, and thanks to Edward everyone knew you'd become an anomaly when your time was up. Nothing was hidden from your friends.
The two of you spend some time just watching the stars, the only sound being that of the ghost's gentle humming by your side. It's calming, a lullaby to wish you the sweetest dreams and good luck.
