#zero0reblogs

[colorcinabrio]

Yesterday, I went to “treat myself“ (that is how that is said, right? That’s a USA thing or Universal English language thing?) and all was right the first hours, but when I was going to take the bus to home, something awful happened.

Don’t worry, that was just “something I ate maybe caused me feel ill“ thing, but I don’t want get in details.

But how I REALLY enjoyed the day, I have this weird mix of “Maybe I was feeling guilty about having fun when I have a lot of home chores to do and spending money in unnecessaries things that I sabotage myself“ and “Well, that didn’t turned how I planned but I was happy for these hours and I got new experiences.“

For other side, my idea was “treating myself“ for giving new energies for doing homes chores and other activities, but how I walk so much my legs hurts.

But I keep this “happy feeling“ and I worry that I’m doing a fool of myself for having that mood when it haven’t helped me to do homes chores or being nice to my mother.

I guess while it helped to me to stop to have self-destructive ideas that kinda helps, right?

I’m confused but still having this little feeling of happined with me.

[colorcinabrio]

NOT REBLOG

Knowing there is people into weird sexual stuff who doesn’t know about David Cronenberg is just funny to me.

Also, mostly of them are a bunch of gross persons.

I don’t mean any person who known David Cronenberg isn’t a terrible person, but some of them are going to be more into his work for the psycologic issues.

[colorcinabrio]

NOT REBLOG

Warning: suicide.

I thought me waking with suicide thought was just a thing what could vanish after some hours.

But my mother did something what I asked her to DO NOT and she did anyway.

Me wanting my life get finished for some clothes.

Wow.

Just.

Ridiculous, right?

[colorcinabrio]

Getting into the Street Fighter lore, I can’t help to do contrast with “Overwatch“.

The usual could be a comparision with King of Fighters, but being honest, KOF is still living because the niche fighting game community. Also, Street Fighter took the pop culture status for the first fighting game with stereotypes by country.

Maybe I’m still thinking about that Overwatch have put in the category of “unfinished lore by lazy creators what the fandom tries to fill with their own ideas“.

In part Overwatch being released with a little lore and still using stereotypes what feels like the ones that Street Fighter have used since its first game in the last 80′s. It feels like “Wow... more 2 decades and so little have changed in a series with character from various countries“.

Unless King of Fighters and the previous videogames series what shared the same universe tried to do something different for giving the character a touch of personality. KOF has some tolerable inclusion in Asian representation. Still lack of characters with dark skin, but then, that isn’t the only game with the same problem.

I see you, Overwatch and the lack of black women when we have been these Overwatch agents in the game’s art.

Until KOF’s background and non-playable characters had some lore, aside of names.

[colorcinabrio]

*ME monologuing about getting into Street Fighter lore for a new mysterious characters what have catched me attention*

(You can ignore)

ME: Why spending my time in doing non-binary headcanons about a silly character in a franchise what is known in part for having fans who claimed censorship because a female character slappping her own butt scene was removed for her intro?

ME: Then, the Street Fighter subReddit is liking that theory about G is the “Cosmic Man”, some concept what mix some mythological and esoteric elements about of the “original man”, who is both male and female, this last part maybe be hinted in one of G’s speeches: [”... I will be the protective father to everyone, and I will be the loving mother of great care.”]. I can feel the voice actor’s tone tembling when saying the word “mother“. Not cis man can say it and living later.

[colorcinabrio]

Calling someone “violent” just when they’re defending themself for abuse when young is the most cruel act what I know.

You live with the idea your rage is going to fatally hurt someone, scared from yourself.

[colorcinabrio]

Nor sure if I’m a coward or just wanting to dodge an incident just for avoid to wake up my mother.

I detest to wake up her.

I feel her annoyance when I do it, how if I’m the one doing a wrong to her.

I feel how I want to punch her. I feel how I want to cry for being in this pathetic situation.

I don’t want to call my father for waking her. I detest to put my father in this situations, especially after all this awful stuff since my childhood with him.

I don’t want to hurt anyone for falling in despair for trivial stuff.

[colorcinabrio]

Warning: self-harm

You know what I detest that “Split“ film?

The fact what the main character has this “the ones who suffered the most are who are permitted to live“ mentality.

Because I used to think that way when young and I hurted myself, both physically and emotionally, having this idea of strenght from pain.

That’s just a big lie and you just get the pain and people avoid to help because “you choose to do to yourself, you don’t deserve help“.