#zigzag yaps

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UNCLE SAMSONITE THEORY!!!!!

idk how to hide the thing but don’t scroll if you don’t want spoilers

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OKAY SO BASICALLY FATHER JOHN IS SCRUNCHY CHUNKS. YAY!!!! SEGWAYS INTO THEORY IN EPIC FASHION

evidence a: they both use guns. could mean something!!!

evidence b: both say mother of judas. could just be a reference but AHHHH LET A DIVA DREAM

exhibit c: both wear a black coat

exhibit d: he knows way too much. like how does bro already know this much about the bowens and uncle samsonite?? he even knew about the green one. not to mention that offbrand sofa being sam’s weakness was like a big reveal in the start of the series. but he knew ever since his first scene!!! ALSO NOT TO MENTION HE JUST. HAD SIR BOWEN CHILLING BELOW TH CHURCH. EITHER ITS HIS SPECIAL INTEREST OR SOMETHING ISNT RIGHT!!!

exhibit e: remember that one scene from episode 3 where father john and uncle sam were like

“to whom am i speaking?”

“oh i think you know..”

DIVORCED PEOPLE!!!!! THEY KNOW EACHOTHER!!!!!!!

exhibit f: isaac’s death

this is a more specific one i apologize. but do you remember how isaac’s lore is that he was possessed by uncle samsonite as a kid??? well he’s still possessed by sam in uncle samsonite returns, the video where scrunchy chunks first appears. and even though throughout the whole series father john BARELY SHOWS EMOTION BESIDES SERIOUSNESS, he seems to really care about isaac. when isaac dies, he shuts his eyes like he can’t even watch. and he says “it should’ve been me” like he’s blaming himself. like he couldn’t protect him. OOOOH YOU SEE WHERE IM GOING WITH THIS BECAUSE IF FATHER JOHN IS SCRUNCHY CHUNKS, HE WOULD’VE SEEN WHAT SAM DID TO ISAAC AND MAYBE WOULD FEEL GUILTY

exhibit g: HOW THE HELL DOES FATHER JOHN TRACK UNCLE SAMSONITE??? HE HAS A WHOLE SECRET BASE UNDER THE CHURCH. HOW WOULD HE HAVE GOTTEN A LITERAL TRACKER, DATABASE, ETC IF HE HADNT BEEN CLOSE TO HIM AT SOME POINT LITERALLY AND OR FIGURATIVELY!!

exhibit h: you know how in uncle samsonite returns, scrunchy chunks says “i’m cameron’s imaginary friend!!! you wanna rub my tummy???” well he’s an IMAGINARY FRIEND. imaginary friends are typically made up to entertain kids and keep them happy right?? well. in s2e8 when mr dad and jake get back to the church, father john doesn’t instantly get to fighting uncle samsonite like he typically would. instead, he says that jake needs time to rest. so if he was scrunchy chunks, if he was an imaginary friend at some point, maybe he’d still have a soft spot for children.

ALSO I ASKED JAKE BOWEN ABOUT IT AND HE SAID THIS

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“the baron only marries for the crown-“ get this homosexual man out of here shlawg where is his husband

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oh my god i’m losing it

fellow mole in the city enjoyers and the rat enjoyers please inform me PLEASE i can’t take it anymore i need to find more mole in the city fan content that’s not from four years ago i’m going berserk I WANT ELDERLY SPY YAOI💔💔💔

if you have ever looked at the rat from htf or the episode “mole in the city” of the short lived happy tree friends spinoff “ka-pow” and thought wow tjese guys look silly!!! BE MY FRINED

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why is there so much snufkin/moomintroll art on my tumblr rn. like i love them so much i would die for them but give me STINKY. GIVE ME STINKY ART

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words can’t describe how excited I am for fall

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HAVE YOU BITCHES SEEN THE NEW UNCLE SAMSONITE EPISODE

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Another piece of evidence to add to the scrunchy chunks being father john theory that I'm too afraid to say out of anon!!!! We see uncle samsonite disguise himself as the detective in one of the episodes, and if we're going by an assumption that him and scrunchy are same or similar species then scrunchy could absolutely do that too!!!! THE THEORY IS PLAUSIBLE WITH THAT FACT!

HOW DOES IT FEEL TO HAVE A GIANT WRINKLY EINSTEIN BRAIN!!!! I DIDNT EVEN THINK OF THATTTTT

[awes0me-p055um]

RICH LOVITZ FAN DESIGN💪💪💪

he’s my husband

where’s my rich lovitz enjoyers