I find it almost impossible to have deep unfiltered conversations with my more 'christian' friends about the meaning of life and spirituality. Maybe it's because some of my viewpoints threaten their sense of self, since most religions, especially christianity, are very much to tied to one's identity. I understand they have chosen christianity to help them understand themselves, give meaning to their existence and the world around them, but it's more interesting how they are able to come to the conclusion of it being the [one] ultimate truth. How can we all collectively agree on a topic so mysterious as the beginning of creation, the purpose of life and what really happens when we die? If it was so clear, we all would have already agreed to just [one].
Most of my christian friends (and I have [too] many since I was born into this community) pivot all conversations regarding life and the beyond to either proving me wrong or converting me to 'their side'. Which are neither things I am asking. It's immediately defensive, which puzzles me all the more about this particular human psyche. I can usually see it in their eyes the moment I say something that opposes their christian worldview, a sense of awkward urgency to address it as untrue, taking it all so personally. Perhaps because for them, the 'truth' has been written out for them like a manual. From what I remember, questions were welcomed but their answers were never really convincing, and to simply have 'faith', more like blind faith, was revered. I guess religion is only convincing to those already convinced.
I recently had a revelation myself to become more open to exploring christianity and what it means to me. Although too long of a story to write down, I have felt called to prayer. But to whom was always my question. I decided Jesus, the holy spirit, and the 'christian god' - the one I am most familiar with and grew up praying to, was the best fit for me. I made the terrible mistake of blurting my newfound spiritual stance to a group of people. One particular interaction with a 'friend' made me rethink my choices altogether. I mentioned I wanted to pray to the 'holy trinity', and perhaps be open to christian concepts like the bible and church - however, that I still don't think it's the [one true religion] but it's what fits me most in this phase of my life.
To clarify, I was christian for 26 years and I know what that looks like - like the back of my hand, and I left it for a reason. But to go back now would be trickier as my mind had been expanded and exposed to new truths and points of view.
The friend immediately snapped back to say then I am not a 'christian'. This interaction reminded me why I had left in the first place. A belief in a singular truth is rejecting all other truths. It's an 'I'm right, you're wrong' mentality, or, a disregard that all adult humans are equally capable of knowing what is right or wrong for themselves. For christians, they're going to heaven (the good place) and anyone that isn't, is going to hell (the bad place).
All of this just never sat right with me. I have always felt that religion divides, more than it unifies. Therefore I like to think that every religion has some truth to it, and if a person chooses one belief and lifestyle that inevitably helps them become better versions of themselves, then that's beautiful and perfectly acceptable.
Can we normalize people believing whatever the fuck they want and being respected for it? As well as acknowledge that everyone has lived very different lives that have shaped their subconscious beliefs about themselves and the world around them, therefore all have widely differring lenses of seeing the world? No wonder christianity has like an endless number of denominations, from what I looked up 45,000 globally - so many interpretations of the edited christian texts they can't seem to all come together to a singular conclusion.
I'm tired of labels - especially when it comes to spirituality. My truth is my truth, and I need to be ok with this.
