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@tanglejan
On Sacred Partnership and the Myth of Being Held
We are often taught—through stories, culture, and conditioning—that the highest form of love is to find someone who will hold us in our darkest hours. Someone who will cradle our pain, understand our wounds, intuit our unspoken needs, and never falter in their presence. This is the dream so many of us carry into partnership: that in another, we will finally be seen, soothed, and saved.
And yet, the truth is more tender—and far more complex.
A sacred, mystical partnership is not about one person becoming the sanctuary for another’s every storm. It is not about outsourcing the most intimate parts of our healing, or requiring another soul to carry the unbearable weight of what we have yet to face within ourselves. When we place the responsibility for our inner peace, regulation, or sense of worth into another’s hands, we unknowingly build our relationship on fragile ground.
There is a delicate balance between allowing ourselves to be loved, witnessed, and supported—and expecting someone else to become the balm for wounds that were born long before they ever entered our lives.
Yes, good partnership matters. Deep friendship, loyal companionship, the safety of being known—these are sacred offerings in this human life. There are moments when we do need to be held, when we do need someone to steady us as we fall apart, to remind us that we are not too much, that our pain has a place in this world.
But it becomes dangerous when we confuse support with salvation.
No matter how exquisite the partner, no matter how safe the relationship, no one can crawl into the chambers of our younger self and say the words we didn’t hear. No one else can offer the exact kind of presence we yearn for until we learn to offer it to ourselves. Especially in moments when the pain is primal—grief that traces back to childhood, losses that split our hearts before we had language—we must learn to sit beside ourselves first.
The truth is: most of the work, the sacred labor of healing, belongs to us.
Yet even in the most loving relationships, we often place incredible pressure on our partners. We look to them not only to witness our pain, but to respond to it in just the right way. We expect them to say the perfect words, to know our needs before we speak them, to always show up with tenderness and understanding—even when we ourselves are lost in the fog of our own emotions.
It’s a beautiful desire—to be so deeply known, so accurately met. But it’s also a setup for heartbreak.
Because no one, no matter how devoted or emotionally intelligent, can meet us where we are 100% of the time. Even with clear communication and the best of intentions, they will sometimes miss the mark. They will misunderstand, react imperfectly, withdraw when we need closeness, or offer logic when we crave softness.
When we cling to the belief that our partner should always get it right, we place an impossible burden on them—and on the relationship itself. The truth is, when we expect one person to be our healer, our therapist, our mind-reader, and our unconditional sanctuary all at once, we are not creating space for love—we are building a cage.
We set them up to fail. We set ourselves up to be disappointed.
Expectation, when rooted in the unconscious belief that we must be perfectly held by another in order to feel safe, is not love—it’s control in disguise. And when that expectation inevitably goes unmet, resentment begins to grow. We start to view our partner through the lens of their shortcomings rather than their humanity. We forget that they, too, are navigating their own wounds, their own invisible terrain.
Sacred partnership asks us to widen the circle of responsibility. Yes, our partner can support us—but they cannot be everything. They cannot fill every void. They cannot perform flawlessly in the face of our pain.
What they can do is show up with presence, with honesty, and with the willingness to try—even when they get it wrong.
And what we can do is learn to hold space for ourselves in the moments when no one else can.
When we release our partners from the prison of our unspoken demands, something shifts. The relationship becomes less about managing expectations and more about meeting each other—as we are, not as we wish the other would be.
This is not a lowering of standards; it’s a deepening of intimacy. It’s choosing to love the real human being in front of us, not the imagined version we sometimes project onto them in our moments of need.
Sacred partnership is not about saving or fixing. It’s about witnessing. It’s two whole beings choosing to walk alongside one another, knowing that sometimes we lean in, and sometimes we lean back. It’s the grace of saying, I see you, and I trust you to hold yourself in the ways I cannot.
To truly love is to know that while we can walk each other home, we cannot carry each other the entire way.
The most intimate thing we can do is not to be someone’s healing—but to reflect back the parts of them that are already whole.
Let our partnerships be sacred not because they complete us—but because they remind us, again and again, that we were never incomplete to begin with.
Tangled Thoughts, May 2025
The word “God” is so frustratingly overused and misapplied that it’s lost any real meaning. It’s like a vague placeholder slapped onto something infinitely complex, reducing the vastness of existence into a neat little package that fits human convenience. The problem is, it’s not neat, and it’s certainly not universal.
For centuries, the word has been a tool for control, carrying the baggage of dogma, judgment, and unearned authority. It’s a word that presumes too much. Whose God? Which interpretation? And why should one word encompass all the diverse and intricate ways people relate to existence, mystery, or the unknown? The arrogance of it is staggering.
What’s worse is the entitlement with which it’s wielded. “God is good.” “God has a plan.” “God will provide.” These phrases are tossed around as if they explain everything, shutting down curiosity and discussion. They simplify what should remain mysterious and open-ended. People expect this word to resonate universally, as if everyone should automatically feel a connection to it. It’s divisive, presumptuous, and frankly, exhausting.
There are so many other ways to honor the vastness of life and existence—call it the universe, energy, source, or simply marvel at the unknown without naming it at all. But no, the insistence on “God” as a one-size-fits-all term diminishes the very thing it claims to revere. Enough with the oversimplifications. Let’s leave space for something greater than a three-letter word.
My beloved allies,
In times of uncertainty, it’s easy to feel trapped in the anxiety and weight of an uncertain future. The challenges we face as individuals and as a collective can feel overwhelming, even paralyzing. But I invite you to take a step back and consider the remarkable truth of this moment: we are witnesses to history in the making. We stand at a crossroads, a time when the actions and choices of individuals—of us—have the power to shape the future in profound ways.
This is not a call to fight, nor a plea to carry the burden of the world on your shoulders. Instead, it is a reminder that your belief, your presence, and your commitment to hope are the seeds of transformation. The future we long for—one built on equality, justice, love, and compassion—begins with the quiet but powerful choice to believe in its possibility.
Recently, we were reminded of what courage looks like in action. In the New Zealand parliament, a member stood up to voice her opposition to what she found unjust, her song ringing out with clarity and purpose. Others joined her call, amplifying the truth and embodying the kind of courage that inspires movements. Let this be a reminder to us all: when you feel that the world is letting you down, borrow strength from those who set the example of bravery. Look to those who refuse to accept injustice, and let their light guide your own path forward.
To be a witness to history is a sacred role, but to be an agent of change is even more so. Change is not born from anger or despair; it is born from the clarity of knowing what is right and the courage to live those values every day. It comes from choosing love over fear, action over helplessness, and connection over division.
When you feel small in the face of the world’s problems, remember this: every act of kindness, every moment of empathy, every effort to uphold justice ripples outward in ways you may never fully see. It is not the grand gestures alone that change the world, but the consistent, unwavering belief that a better tomorrow can and will be created by those who dare to dream it—and who choose to live it, one day at a time.
Together, let us anchor ourselves in hope. Let us remind each other of our shared humanity and our capacity to create change. This is not a time to shrink in fear but to rise in faith—not in the inevitability of success, but in the certainty of our purpose.
Hold fast, my friends. The world is changing, and so are we.
#loveandhope
... spiral ...
“A trip is just that — a trip — you have to come back. At the end of the day, for all your new insight, you still have to take out the garbage.”
—Ram Dass
Sometimes, the light gets in..
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“You are the quantum field of limitless possibilities dreaming that you are a finite being having experiences in spacetime. To play in this 3D game of polarity, you had to forget that you are playing this game (for it to appear real to the mind and senses). Everything that you see and experience is an ever-changing projection emanating of your holographic mind.
You can never be true to yourself until you take full responsibility as the creative source of your reality. The only way to change your world is by first changing the perception of yourself and worldview (shifting into a new paradigm of higher awareness).”
-Anon I mus (Spiritually Anonymous)
*Subscribe to Anon I mus Youtube channel @ https://www.youtube.com/user/SpirituallyAnonImus http://egoawarenessmovement.org
@wyattxplores
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