{ grease monkey }

She got her daddy's tongue and temper. Sometimes her mouth could use a filter. God shook his head the day he built her. Oh, but I bet he smiled. Tears up that dirt road up in a dually. Dangerous, absolutely. And in a little while she'll be rounding that corner on three wheels. Ain't slowing down, yelling, "Come on, jump in". Always up to something, crazy, got nothing on her.

[lilysource]

[herostairss]

[taylorfknreagans]

juliet richards‌:

Juliet smiled while she looked down at her phone, “You guys all talk the same,” she mused. Must be nice to have a family. She shook the melancholic thought from her head as she nodded along. “But you don’t need to ask where Aiden is you can just stop by when you want ‘cause your Aiden’s.. you know.. yeah,” she nodded awkwardly. Sister? Family friend? Cousin? She didn’t fucking know. But she scoffed at her question. “Me and Aiden are fine, I’m always in a pissy mood whenever I’m out in the city. Call me dependent but he puts my moods in check, it’s easier… you’ll see.” 

"We do, huh? Well, stick around long enough and it’ll rub off on you, too,” Taylor remarked, realizing she’d never noticed that she talked a certain way. But she was her father’s daughter, after all. “Thanks... I’ll, uh, try to remember that next time.” While she appreciated the open invitation, it would still feel weird to just show up at their door unannounced. Maybe if she got to know Juliet better, things would come more naturally. “Always in a pissy mood, huh. Good to know. Guess we have more in common than I thought,” she quipped. 

[jaxhodges]

p: the carnivorous carnival

[taylorfknreagans]

jax hodges‌:

“I never lie,” Jax mumbled under his breath, peeking at her. “You’re kinda blunt, you know that?” It wasn’t a question, or maybe it was. Anyway, he always felt like counter-attacking her, even though it rarely made sense. Now, at least, it felt safe. She wasn’t super angry at him, nor ignored him completely. She could just as much jump off the motorcycle earlier, cause it felt like having a paralyzed skeleton holding around you from behind on their way back not too long ago. “I dunno. Ask your dad,” he said, pinning his lips. Nah, the old man would kill him if he’d known about this, them, their drug habits… every dirty little detail existing between them. “I mean, it’s on me… and it’s safe… cause you’re here… with me, so c’mon.” To tell the truth, Tay was the first one to fill his mind when hearing the explosion. Sure, Aiden was a part of it too, not as much. No way he’d know what to do if Tay would’ve ended up in a life-threatening condition… or worse, died. “I know…” Not that he cared too much - he could still remember smiling at one point, standing in the middle of the inferno. Good things, bad things; he’d stick with the bad, didn’t matter the circumstance. “Nah, we can do a killing spree instead.”

Taylor shrugged, “so I’ve been told.” She wasn’t prone to sugarcoat shit, and she would rather be blunt than contribute to the falsities others put off. Now, while she could be brutally honest at times, that didn’t nessesarly mean she wore her heart on her sleeve. Only a handful of people got to slip under her rigid armor. Frowning, she looked over at Jax. “My dad?” she scoffed, arching an eyebrow as he elaborated further. “Yeah, try telling him that. I’m sure he’d be really fucking supportive.” No, if her dad could see them now, he’d probably bury Jax in the woods, lock Taylor in her room and throw away the key. Luckily, the two had been fairly good at covering their tracks from the start, so they didn’t have anything to worry about — for now at least. So, pushing her thoughts aside, she grabbed the rolled up bill and did another line. After all, they’d managed to get through this night of turmoil seemingly scot-free and that was a cause for celebration. Rubbing her nose, another shiver struck as the drug surged through her. It sure as hell took some getting used to. Leaning back, she glanced Jax again. “Killing spree,” she echoed with a dry laugh, “sounds like a fucking hoot.” Her tone dripped of sarcasm, but a smirk had managed to sneak its way onto her lips. “I always knew you had a bad temper, but damn... give a girl a warning next time.”

[taylorfknreagans]

{ curtain call }

[taylorfknreagans]

mary louise walcott‌:

“You’re right you do and I never expected anything else” she shook her head at Taylor’s declaration that she had a right to be angry. “I don’t deserve anything else, no matter how much I want it” she shook her head. “I should have fought harder, I know that and I hate myself for not doing. I know it’s no excuse, that it’s just another reason for you to be better off without me but I was scared, Taylor” she confessed quietly. “I was scared to come home and not be wanted. To not be needed or…loved anymore” she bit her lower lip, looking down at the table not daring to see the look in her daughter’s eyes and know that it was true. “Because I didn’t find those things elsewhere so if I finally confirmed that they weren’t waiting at home for me anymore then I really did have nothing and no one to blame for it buy myself” a shaky sigh escaped from her as she looked up again at the sound of Taylor sniffling. “No! No!” she objected with a shake of her head. “Of course I didn’t hate you. I could never hate you. You’re my baby girl, even if you are all grown up now” she smiled slightly as she took the chance to truly look at her beautiful daughter. 

“I was the one who wasn’t good enough. Not you. It wasn’t you. I never stopped loving you not for one second” she murmured reaching for the locket hanging around her neck and prising it open so Taylor could see the family photos inside. “I’ve worn this every day since I left” she told the girl who looked so much like her at nineteen that it took her breath away slightly. “I messed up Taylor. More times then I deserve forgiveness for. But I love you so much and, if you’d let me, I’d really like to be part of your life again. Even if it’s just a phone call or a text every now and then. Whatever you’d be comfortable with. I’m not asking for anything more. I want more, don’t ever think that I don’t but I know I don’t have any right to ask for that. So if there’s even the tiniest part of your life you’re willing to let me in then I’ll be there and I will do everything in my power not to mess it up this time, I swear to you”

Her mother’s confession caught Taylor by surprise. Scared? What possible reasons had prompted such feelings? But as Mary Louise elaborated, she released a sigh of melancholy. “I needed you. We needed you. We spent every single day waiting for you to come back to us, but... you never did. So we had to find ways to cope, but.. that doesn’t mean we needed you any less. All we wanted was for you to come back home.” It was frustrating to know that her mother had tried to reach out, but been denied by Roman. Deep down she knew that her father only had her best interest at heart, but that should’ve been her decision to make. Swallowing past the lump in her throat, she found some sort of comfort in knowing that her mother didn’t actually hate her. It had been her fear all along and since her mother hadn’t been there to prove her wrong, she’d grown accustomed to thinking it was true — even when her father had tried to tell her otherwise. Teary eyes locked with her mother’s and for the first time since their encounter, she returned the smile, even if it was tremulous and didn't quite reach her eyes. 

Observing the locket, Taylor’s heart palpitated. The smiling faces staring back at her was a painful reminder of what had once been, and her mind flashed back to the day when they’d taken those photos. God, they’d been so happy back then, so carefree. Now, it was like she didn't even know how to be truly happy. Taylor looked at her mother again, not really sure how to feel about allowing her back into her life. Her heart didn’t hesitate, but the voice in the back of her head told her to be cautious. Her mother had walked out on her once, she could just as easily do it again. “I... I don’t know,” she muttered, her jumbled mind trying to sort out any rational thoughts. “I... guess you could give me your number. I just, uh, I need some time... to process all of this, you know?”

[taylorfknreagans]

chandler linwood‌:

It wasn’t a surprise Taylor was confused. Chandler had never been in a situation like that one before, but there had to be a lot of conflicting emotions about it. “What’s going on with your dad, anyways?” He knew something happened, and whatever it was caused Taylor to stop working at the garage. But nobody had filled him in. As Taylor complained about him being overprotective, Chandler shrugged. “There are worse things.” He quietly blurted out, although he instantly regretted it. This wasn’t a competition, and Chandler didn’t want to turn it into one. He took another drag from his cigarette. “Shit, ignore that. You’re right, anyways. He should have told you.”

Taylor sighed."There’s just, uh, a lot of shit he’s been keeping from me, shit he should’ve told me ages ago,” she explained vaguely. It was a double standard to keep her cousin out of the loop, but all in all, Chandler was better off not knowing. Glancing him, she was slightly taken aback by his remark — but he had a point. It was a petty issue to have, especially when there were far worse fathers out there. “Fuck... no, you’re right. Sorry. I wasn’t thinking,” she sighed with a shake of her head. “Can we pretend I didn’t just act like an ungrateful whiny bitch? You know, free pass ‘cause my estranged mother suddenly popped back into my life?” Nudging his shoulder, she finished off her cigarette. “Enough about me, how have you been?”

[jaxhodges]

p: the carnivorous carnival

[taylorfknreagans]

jax hodges‌:

Jax knew Tay more than most people, but for some reason, he hadn’t expected her to do this. But then, their night had been anything but normal. His exploding outrage in the garage to them burning up a car (and a corpse) in the middle of nowhere. It was far from an everyday job. Moving to sit on the edge of the couch, he watched her take her first line. Honestly, he struggled to keep a chuckle from leaving his lips at one point there. “Fuck would I lie?” he mumbled, smirking at her while squeezing her shoulder. “See? Like clockwork.” Pinning the bill between his fingers, he leaned down to snort some, leaving the bill on the mirror. The drug itself was addicting as hell, and far from something he wanted her to get all geared up for. Nevertheless, it was her choice, he hadn’t forced her to do shit. “Funny how the whole carnival blew up… I think I saw a man losing his arm at one point… fucking doomsday.”

“Oh, I don’t know, old habit?” Taylor remarked under her breath. She was still rubbing her nose, shuddering slightly at the foreign sensation traveling through her body. It was without a doubt just the kick she needed. Now, it wasn’t as easy as smoking a joint, but definitely more effective; magically altering her mood from sour to serene in a matter of moments. Otherwise, she would’ve pushed his hands off her shoulder immediately. Instead, she watched him as he bent down to do another line. “Don't know if I should be impressed or worried... or both,” she remarked with a huff. Nonetheless, she was glad he had provided them a temporary fix. As he mentioned the carnival, Taylor quirked an eyebrow at him. “Jesus,” she muttered, “that’s fucked up... Remind me to never go to a carnival again.”

[taylorfknreagans]

juliet richards‌:

“Well, New York is the simplest place to act like a bitch and get away with it,” she shrugged, looking over to the girl before shrugging. “Well,” she paused, looking down at her phone as he texted her back. “Looks like he’s home, I was just heading there now, you gonna tag along?”

Taylor nodded, "ain’t that the truth.” Following Juliet’s eyes to her phone, she shrugged slightly. “Uh, sure,” she concluded. After all, she was a bit of a cheapskate, so why pay for new equipment when she could get it for free? Tagging along, she glanced the brunette, pondering. “Are you and Aiden doing okay? I mean, is that why you’re in a pissy mood?”

[taylorfknreagans]

juliet richards‌:

“Christ Taylor, yeah ––” she palmed her forehead, cursing herself for instantly jumping to bitch mode. “I just I’m not in that great of –– fuck it, let me text him, hold on,” she replied, pulling out her phone and asking him where he was. “I thought he was at the shop, you didn’t check there?”

"Yeah, that seems to be the recurring theme of the day,” Taylor remarked, realizing that Juliet probably didn’t know that she had been dodging work for quite a while now. “Uh, no, I didn’t. My phone died and — I was hoping to avoid having to go down there,” she explained vaguely. “Look, it’s fine. I just need new brake pads for my bike, I can get it somewhere else.” 

[taylorfknreagans]

juliet richards‌:

“I swear to God, if you fucking say my name one more time, I will kill you…. Now what do you want?”

“Oh, please, go for it. Death would be a welcomed relief compared to the world of shit I live in right now... I just wanted to know if you’d seen Aiden, but I guess I’ll track him down myself.”

[taylorfknreagans]

chandler linwood‌:

Chandler glanced down and flicked his cigarette with his thumb while he listened to his cousin. He frowned at her first reveal…Roman had stopped her from seeing her mom? Chandler wasn’t sure how to feel about that. It sounded like Roman had her best interest in mind, but Taylor was seventeen two years ago and old enough to decide if she wanted to see her mom or not. Chandler followed most of the second part of the story, especially the part where they started talking. “So do you want to see her again?” He asked gently, trying to understand if she was upset because of her mom, her dad or a combination of the two.

Taylor took a long drag of her cigarette, wishing she'd brought a joint with her instead. Needless to say, she could really use one right now. Blowing out the smoke, she lifted her shoulders in a helpless gesture. “Kind of?” she admitted, shaking her head, “I don’t know. My head’s a fucking mess. And it’s not like I can talk to my dad about it, so...” Her words trailed off, and she stood silent. It was a total cliché, but her dad had always been there when she needed him. He never abandoned her, unlike her mom. "He should’ve told me that she came back. I’m just — I’m so fucking sick of him trying to protect me from the whole god damn world.”

[taylorfknreagans]

{ curtain call }

[taylorfknreagans]

mary louise walcott‌:

“My life isn’t perfect, far from it” Mary Lou shook her head, the crack in her own voice mirroring that in her daughter’s. “And it definitely wasn’t worth giving up my family for” she murmured. “I didn’t know when I left that I was giving it up. I thought I could do both. Leave and make it and then waltz back in as if nothing had happened. I was young and foolish and I hate myself every day for it” she confessed nervously as she looked into the eyes that were a carbon copy of her own. “Of course I came back” she nodded, daring to edge a little closer and perch on the other side of the booth although not fully seated. They were starting to get looks from other customers whilst she remained standing and she didn’t want Taylor to have an audience when she knew all sorts of emotions must be going through her head right now. “I was always coming back I just left it a lot longer than I should have. I should’ve been back the next day when I landed in LA and missed you and your Dad so much that I just curled up in my motel room and cried” she admitted. “But I’d done it then. And I was too proud and foolish to admit that I’d made a mistake. I’m so sorry Taylor” she bit her lower lip as she watched her baby girl. “Don’t be angry at Roman, he was just trying to protect you from the hurt I caused. Hurt you should never have known” she shook her head. “Blame me. This is all my fault. I should have fought harder for you, for my family. I should have been on that doorstep every day until he let me in. But I wasn’t and that’s just another mistake I have to live with. I’ve made a lot of them” she nodded. “The only thing I ever got right in my life was marrying your Dad and having you…”

Taylor derived some sort of a sickening pleasure from knowing that her mother’s life wasn’t so perfect after all. A part of her wanted to inflict the same kind of pain and hurt Mary Louise had inflicted on her family. But at the end of the day, despite her heartbreaking actions, she was her mother. The kind of mother who would sing sweet lullabies whenever she had trouble sleeping. The kind of mother who had spent hours with her daughter, doing her hair and trying on dresses because it had been Taylor’s favorite thing in the world. The kind of mother who once knew how to love. Her heart ached in an all too familiar way. She was angry and confused, hurt and upset. She wanted to pull her mother into a hug and yell at her all at once. The more she tried to explain, the more Taylor wanted to scream. “I have every right to be angry! With you, with dad — for fuck’s sake, I was seventeen years old — that was my decision to make, not his! And you’re god damn right you should’ve fought harder!” she snapped, turning several heads in the small diner. Her emotions were running amok and they had to be reined in. 

Biting down hard on her lower lip, the girl shrunk in her seat and turned her head to face the window, away from prying eyes. She blinked hard to hold back the tears, but it proved impossible. Taylor couldn’t remember the last time she’d cried, and now, all of a sudden, she found herself on the verge of bursting at the seams. But she was too proud to show any sign of fault. She was her mother’s daughter after all. Sniffling, she frustratedly wiped away her tears with the sleeve of her sweater and attempted to clear her throat. Eventually, once able to compose herself, she turned back to look at her mother. “I thought you hated me,” Taylor was already shaking her head, her voice barely above a raspy whisper. “I thought you left because I wasn't good enough for you... I thought you didn't love me anymore.”

[taylorfknreagans]

chandler linwood‌:

Mary Lou hadn’t gone looking for Taylor? He guessed it was possible for them to just run into each other in New York, but he was surprised his aunt recognized Tay. Maybe she had googled her daughter? Or maybe she hadn’t known it was Tay until the youngest Reagan said something. Before he could question that, there was something even more confusing. “She went to Detroit?” He asked. But how? Certainly, Taylor would have known her mom was in town. “I don’t understand.”

Taylor sighed, realizing she was not making any sense at all due to the chaos in her mind. Shaking her head, the brunette tried to explain it from scratch. “Alright. Two years ago, she showed up at our house in Detroit, My dad, well, he wouldn’t let her see me so he slammed the door in her face. Guess I got the shit end of the stick there too because he never told me about it,” she huffed. “So, fast forward to a couple of days ago... I had been running some errands in the city and I walked past a poster with my mom’s face on it. All this time I thought she was still living in L.A... But as it turns out, she was doing a show on Broadway, so I was dumb enough to sneak into the fucking theatre to have look. She recognized me so I ran outta there like a scared little kid and wound up at the diner next door. Didn’t know my mom would drop by there after the show, but she did and — well, we started talking.” Exhaling, she then smacked her lips. “Yep. That should just about cover it.”

[jaxhodges]

p: the carnivorous carnival

[taylorfknreagans]

jax hodges‌:

“No?” he said, frowning a little, “Thought I had.” As long as Aiden and Roman didn’t know about the shit he was doing, everything was golden. He trusted Tay, even though he didn’t normally confide his bad habits or whatever this was. To him, it felt like… medicine. A daily dose of medicine. “Oh, okay,” he shrugged, unsure of how to introduce her to it in the first place. It wasn’t something that was easy to let go off once started, but Tay wasn’t stupid, she knew when to say ‘no’. Most of the time, anyway. “Right.” Gazing at her stunning features, he placed the credit card on the table. “Don’t think, just do… might burn a little tho,” he pointed out while handing her a rolled up bill.

Taylor shook her head no. He’d never done it in front of her, but it didn’t faze her. He was free to do as he pleased. Well, apart from screwing other chicks. Now that got her blood boiling, case in point. The brunette sat up from her slumped position on the couch and grabbed the rolled up bill from Jax. She could only imagine what kind of hissy fit her dad would throw if he knew what she was up to. Granted, he had no idea what kind of night the two had just gone through. “Alright,” she muttered, smothering any thoughts that dared to question the task at hand. Snorting up one line, she sat back up and rubbed her nose. It burned like hell, but the kick that arose made it all worth it. “Fuck, you weren’t lying,” she huffed, handing the bill back to Jax. 

[taylorfknreagans]

chandler linwood‌:

Chandler took his lighter back and nodded before he used it on his own cigarette. He took a drag and listened to his cousin. Before he had a chance to peace together what Hiroshima had to do with shitting in cereal, she was mentioning her mom. Chandler had met the woman once, when he was eleven. The next time he went to Michigan, she had left. He didn’t remember her well, but he remembered how much things changed for the Reagans once she was gone. “Shit.” He said, stunned. It took him a moment to figure out what to say to that. “Have you talked to her?”

Swallowing past the lump in her throat, Taylor nodded slowly. “Yeah...” It had been nine years since the last time she’d seen her mother, so it was safe to say it had been a tense encounter. “She was just as surprised to see me as I was to see her. She thought I was still back home in Detroit,” she muttered as she brought the cigarette up to her lips. Blowing out the smoke, she stared into nothing for a few more seconds. “She, uh... She also said she came to visit me a couple years ago... before dad and I moved to New York.”

[jaxhodges]

p: the carnivorous carnival

[taylorfknreagans]

jax hodges‌:

“Kinda don’t have a choice.” Money was the reason for his sleek upgrade since he moved here. Sure, it looked the same, but nowadays, he could afford everything a guy his age yearned for; as in gaming, clothes, shoes, killer speakers - every damn thing. Money through narcotics, who’d known? “Since when do you care?” he asked her in return as he grabbed the mirror from under the table and placed it in front of them. Drugs were always gonna be his way out of most things, including relationships, not to mention death. If he’d known about all of this, he would think he was crazy. An innocent man, with nothing but good taste in women, now dead and… gone. “Wait, you’ve done it before right?” Eyes stared with anticipation for a mere second, by then looking down to divide his coke evenly with his credit card. 

Taylor huffed. “I don’t. You’ve just never done it around me before,” she remarked. Everyone had their vices, she wasn’t about to judge him for his. As for herself, well, she smoked weed frequently, but she’d yet to fall down the rabbit hole of the real hard drugs. “Snorted coke? Nope, can’t say that I have.” Dark eyes watched closely as he skillfully prepped the lines of coke on the mirror. Perhaps she should’ve been concerned with the fact that he was getting high on his own supply, especially now that business seemed to be booming. But who could really blame him? After the fucked up night they’d had, she would be lying if she said she wasn’t tempted to try it. There wasn’t enough weed in the world that could erase the grisly image of the dead man on the concrete floor. “But there’s a first for everything, right?” she suggested with a small shrug of her shoulders. 

[dailylilycollins]