03 three
its 3am. my third post here. idk.
i dont know whats going on with my life rn, i feel kinda lost.
tonight i went through my entire youtube channel, 5 years worth of content and deleted it all. every last bit. (that’s dramatic i privated everything)
i dont know
i feel very disconnected with my life rn, that doesn’t mean I’m sad because I’m fine i just don’t really feel in touch with everything i have going on?
youtube has been a massive part of my life since i can remember but right now i don’t know if im doing it because i love it or just because im used it.
i dont know
ive wanted to do youtube and be a ‘youtuber’ for so long now and i feel like if i stop thats all it would ever have been, a dream, something ive always wanted but never got. But then is that the wrong reason to be doing it? I adore you all with every ounce of me and i owe everything i have become to you but i dont know where im at right now, and if im doing things for the correct reasons.
it would be a waste to stop and i know ill get bored and think “i wanna make a video” but, am i thinking that just because thats all i know? imagine if i put as much time and effort into suceeding in a different aspect of life as i do into youtube? who knows what i could do?
i think thats what it is, i dont know what i could do.
what i should do
what i will do
what i want to do
what i love to do
i dont know.