Most things are difficult for me.
Like walking in a straight line
Like making full complete thoughts without stuttering
Like doing advanced math
Other things are harder than that though,
Like going through the day without disassociating
Like keeping my temper in check
Like trying to not break down into an anxious wreck.
But the hardest thing I've ever had to do was Love.
I can love just fine, truly I can, but Loving is different. loving comes easy to me, there's no downsides, it's all fluff and small good actions. Loving is something I have to work on.
For me, Loving is mostly confusion, new feelings, and frustration.
None of it is your fault of course, it's not that you're confusing, it's not that you're frustrating, it's that I've never had to learn anything more difficult than loving.
They say a child who grew up in a burning house believes the world is on fire. Likewise, a child who grew up in a home where the Love given to them was confusing and conditional makes the Love they give confusing and conditional.
I promise I'm trying because I want to be better for you.
I don't want the Love I give you to be conditional.
I don't want to confuse you.
I don't want to lash out at you.
I don't want to make you hurt.
I don't want to push you away.
And I'm not good yet, but I will be.
turnnoffyourmind
dailybridgerton
jimmyeatworldofficial
titsay
