She appreciated him trying to comfort her out of her spiral of self-doubt, but the feeling was accompanied with one of shame at the fact that he didn’t truly know what she had to blame herself for. “Thanks, Edward. You’re a real one,” she said with a small smile, hoping her attempt at a muggle turn of phrase would at least amuse him.
But the sinking feeling that invaded her chest was as sudden as it was unwelcome. She stopped in her tracks, looking down in embarrassment, and pain – even though she’d been the one who’d obviously caused the pain in this scenario. “I see,” was all she could come up with, not daring to make eye contact or even catch a glimpse of the look on his face. Her brain was oddly empty, in that moment. She had no idea what to do, or what to say, or how to make it better. Wasn’t she the one who’d just gone on about facing the consequences of her actions, all the while trying to hide said actions from her best friend for fear of the consequences they’d bring about? What a hypocrite she was.
“Well – he’s not that bad. He hangs around with the wrong crowd, and that in itself should have been enough to keep me at bay, I know. I don’t know if it makes it better or worse, but yeah – he’s really not as bad as his friends. He wasn’t nasty with me, and it wasn’t like it was planned or anything – it just happened, and well – I guess I did let it happen, but then again, I was drunk – then again, not an excuse, I, hm – I don’t know what to tell you,” she said still looking everywhere but at her best friend’s face. “Of course I care, and obviously I wasn’t thinking – what are you even trying to say? Do you know me at all?” she was getting more and more agitated, but she didn’t know if it was because of the disappointment in his voice or because of her own shame.
Amelia rolled her eyes – “do you think you could go a single day without bringing up Andromeda Black, Edward? Especially in the middle of a conversation about your girlfriend, please?” she said coldly. “He doesn’t wish you dead, and what do you mean by people like him, Ted? You mean Slytherins? Sacred Twenty-Eight? Purists? Because I know someone else who fits that description, but somehow that exception is allowed. Does it only work for pretty girls, or is it because you’re the only one with good judgement?” she asked, finally looking up and her voice rising. She was being unfair, and ugly, and mean. She knew it. But she also knew he was being hypocritical, and the only way out now was for the both of them to put their feelings out there. She knew she had something to apologize for, but she also knew she wouldn’t be able to go back to normal until she addressed the unfair double standards he put her through.
“There’s nothing going on,” she said in a small voice. “It was the first time, and seeing how much of a disappointment I seem to be to you, I understand it’ll be the last time.” She looked down at her shoes, kicking a stray pebble. “Not that you care, but it was nice for once, to feel like someone wanted me. And he apologized after. And yes, I’m okay, thanks for asking. He’s different than his brother, or the rest of his crew for that matter.” With a heavy sigh, she finished, “I’ve been keeping this from you for about 16 hours, if that’s truly what matters most to you.” @teddybeartonks
Ted emotions were all confused. He could see that Amelia was struggling with this and he’d never wanted to make her feel guilty. He wondered if this is what he sounded like to her when he defended Andromeda. It was still different though, Rodolphus was literally out there being nasty to muggleborns, where as she wasn’t. Do you even know me at all? Her words cut him. Of course he did. He knew she’d never purposely do anything to hurt him. Things between them had become too complicated this year. He just wanted it to go back to before, how it was last year, when there wasn’t a massive point of disagreement constantly between them both. But he also wasn’t willing to give up his friendship with Andromeda to achieve it. Maybe that made him selfish, he wasn’t sure.
“Eugh” Ted started, he didn’t know how to word anything of this. He didn’t want to be mean, but he still wanted to be honest with her “I just, a think there’s a difference between not stoppin’ somethin’ an’ actively partaking in it, i’ve ‘eard ‘im more than once refer t’ muggleborns as scum- maybe he’s not all bad, maybe yur right, I don’t know- a just- oh I don’t know Mila- i’m not trying to make yu feel guilty- yur one o’ my favourite people in the world, yu know this, but it just- it was a shock”
Ted was more taken back by her next words. Maybe she was right. He’d spent so many of their last conversations defending Andromeda, but still she was friends with blood purists too. Maybe he was being as much of a hypocrite as she was. “Why’d yu always say it like that?” Ted asked, a frustrated frown on his face. She’d made him feel instantly guilty. She was the only person that knew about the crush he had, still had? He wasn’t even sure anymore. Is that why her comment hit so hard. He didn’t want to think about it, Lottie was perfect, and wasn’t she everything he’d wished for over the past few years. That was enough right? “I don’t know Mila, I don’t know- maybe they are the same- I don’t know- I just a want yu t’ trust me, and me t’ trust you- an’ I don’t want t’ fight about this, I don’t ever like fighting with yu- but a just...a just wished you’d let me do what I need t’ do an’ own my own mistakes if it came to that- I know yur just trying t’ look out for me but..”
Ted felt ever more guilty after her next words. What had he done. He didn’t want to be the reason she was upset. “Mila yur not a disappointment to me” he said, placing his hand on her shoulder, giving it a small squeeze “don’t ever think that, don’t ever say that- I guess if it was somethin’ that ‘appened in the moment then I understand ‘ow you couldn’t tell me- an’ ‘onestly that is was hurt the most- I just, i saw it an’d I guess I jumped t’ conclusions- but a still don’t think he’s a good guy- I mean d’yu want t’ see ‘im again? I can try be okay with that- I don’t know if a can promise-but if it’s something yu want then I won’t stop you”
“An’ in regards t’ wanting t’ feel wanted” he continued. “don’t be so silly, yur smart an’ beautiful an’ caring an’ stubborn an’ you’re going t’ find someone amazing- I just think you deserve more than what he has t’ offer”
