la luna

𝚎𝚛𝚒n elizabeth - 27 - cancer moonchild 🌙

[teensighh]

[rai-r]

[neckkiss]

North by Northwest (1959)

[roserosette]

Jane B. for Agnès V., 1988, Agnès Varda

[teensighh]

- 2012 -

lil 16 year old teen Lana Del Rey energy

[teensighh]

There is no light at the end of the tunnel, for me the farther I walk the darker it gets, and I become more a part of the darkness itself. I am being swallowed whole and bit by bit the hopes and dreams seem to become more and more impossible to reach. I dream of nothing, because I deserve nothing, because I am nothing. I’m becoming the darkness I have struggled to fight with. 

[teensighh]

There is a light at every tunnel I’ve come across. For me, the father I walk the lighter it gets, and I become the light itself. I am being fulfilled by hopes and dreams as they seem to have and become possible to reach. I dream of everything, because I am deserving, because I am someone. I’m becoming the light I have struggled to reach.

growth.

[teensighh]

Her name is Gillian

My best friend is the opposite of Pandora’s box

To compare her very existence to a box is like comparing the vast universe to the size of our planet

Seeing her experiences of traveling and seeing all there is to see through her lens is like laying in the desert and seeing billions of stars, and knowing there is so much more far beyond what my eyes can see

I tell the small town, small minded people of how I admire her adventures and her courageous soul, they say “that’s crazy” when I tell them with excitement

but I think they are jealous of the bravery she displays when they know they never could

The same bravery which has inspired me to evolve, to keep open minded and continuously have the need and urge to explore.

I feel no jealousy or denial the way they do

I’m proud to know someone as brave, adventurous, courageous, and free-spirited as her.

Even in the most frightening moments of travel, she continues her journey into the unknown

I think everyone could learn from that

From getting her appendix out in mother Russia

Praying to Buddha in Thailand

Experiencing her roots in Scotland, from where the journey legacy began

Tasting bugs in Cambodia

Deep diving in Mexico, swimming with the sharks

Exploring deep enclosed caves while fighting claustrophobia

To climbing mountains in Colombia and reaching new heights

Sand boarding down volcanoes in Nicaragua

Four wheeling around the pyramids of Giza

To seeing her 7th wonder of the world, The Taj Majal in India.

I have only named a few amazing places she’s been, because I encourage you to speak and learn from someone as venturesome as her.

Create your own journey and legacy as she has for your own

They say curiosity killed the cat

But they’ve never met Gillian.

[everybody-wants-me-dead]

[fromhersoul]

[stealingthepresidentsrubies]

[teensighh]

A note for my mother

From what I remember, my mother was a kind and happy person. I remember when I was young telling her I never wanted to leave the house EVER because I couldn’t imagine living without her and my dad. Unfortunately, my mom and I formed a terrible relationship over the years, and she formed a very close, highly dependent relationship with pain pills. When you’re a kid, you have no idea why mommy is so sleepy all the time. You wouldn’t know why mom fell asleep in the car with the engine running and the garage door closed. As a kid, you wouldn’t know that would’ve killed you and your brother who’s 5 years younger. You just ask mom, “are we gonna go inside?” And thank god you did, because your father would’ve lost his wife and both of his children. As a kid, you don’t know why mom leaves you at home to take care of your kid brother and doesn’t come back for several hours when your dad’s traveling for work. You never know if she’s going to come back, because after five hours at “the grocery store” you begin to wonder. When your mom screams at you at 13 years old because you cut yourself and tells you it’s going to make her look bad, most likely because she didn’t want to be investigated by social workers and they’d find out somehow she’s been hooked on opiates. It’s getting ready for school everyday, and being late everyday just to get yelled at by school faculty when it’s in no way your fault. It’s when you’re 10 years old and drowning in the ocean with her embracing you and you notice she’s pushing your head below water. It’s holding your mother up and treading water until your legs are numb and you think “this is it” and no one will save you. But thank god someone does, because YOUR life has barely begun yet. It’s constantly blocking your gentle mind from all the traumatic moments with your mother. It’s struggling to not hold anger in your heart when all you want is love, and to be loved properly. It’s not realizing how bad things are for her and that it’s a disease, but it becomes a huge realization that the woman who was supposed to raise you, and lift you up, had not healed from her own trauma to begin with. It is telling yourself that “one day you’ll find the strength to be better.” And you’ll fix that cycle. There comes a point that the pain needs to stop, and realizing you can one day find solace and peace by doing so. It’s not that you don’t love her, but you regret all the times you didn’t, and were unable to understand. It’s the times when her health issues finally caught up to her and all you wish is for it to go away. Maturing is realizing that no loved one means to inflict this type of pain on you, but the pain they hold within themselves trumps everything else in life. As difficult as forgiveness can be even if you can’t do it for them, you need to do it for yourself in order to find peace. I will always remember the sweet pictures of her, happy and healthy before the pills became the thing she loved most. I’ll remember the early childhood memories before she changed and I was loved and taken care of. Before I took care of her, she took care of me. My birth mother and the mother who raised me both have struggled with addiction, but I choose peace and solace over anger and I will continue life in the way I wish they would’ve have the strength and power to do.

[southernsideofme-deactivated201]

[janettasworld]

[gitmekilekalmak-deactivated2018]

[danger]

Zoé Cavaro - the dream is gone 

[mirandabarnes]

[she-a-vibe]

Always… ✨