NOW, THAT'S HEAVEN.

indie hanschen rilow from spring awakening

[jockcharm-deactivated20170525]

unpicasso:

it’s bisexual awareness week so everyone please be aware of me, a bisexual that loves attention

[terriblechastity-blog]

               “ wendla said we’re sinful degenerates. ”

@vxneyard​

[04b03]

[terriblechastity-blog]

naaiivety.

              ‘ together like  —– ‘   but she knows, and oh god, she’s already praying, for ernst’s sake, the boy that had been like a BROTHER to her all her life. there’s a part of her that wants to understand, but another that, god forgive her, harbors an inexplicable animosity towards him, for corrupting ernst, for taking him from god.   ‘ of course it’s my business —- you, you’re —– ‘   her hands are shaking, not used to such an accusatory tone, what seems like ANGER off her hands is a thin mask over her fear.    ‘ it’s  a SIN, it’s degenerate, hanschen. & ernst — he’s. ‘    confused, she thinks. because he can’t be, she can’t bear the thought of a heaven without him.    ‘ just,  please, hanschen, think about that… ‘

              it’s almost funny,  how she blames the whole thing on HIM.   as if he was the only one who lied down  & committed the degenerate sin,  the only one who kissed and touched.  it takes two.   unaffected by her anger  ( perhaps on the inside there’s more worry,  more fear that she’d run and tell, that it would come back to his parents  but he won’t let it show )  he just cocks his brow at the girl.    “ right.  i’ll be sure to let him now that you think he’s a  sinful degenerate  when i see him next. ”    when i fuck him next,  he itches to say.  just to bother her.  just to get under her skin.  and he knows it would work.   “ and ernst.  he’s what?   into men?   i think about it a lot already.  does that bother you because i’m certainly not complaining. ”

[terriblechastity-blog]

Your portrayal is kinda like you're the only damn person in this fandom who can do musical hanschen right, without romanticizing him. Thank u lexie. Also ur writing makes me laugh but also want to slap hans which i feel has a very accurate feeling. ( the dead fish thing. Smh.)

;*THANK U ur an angel and thank u!!!!!!!!!!

[muse-with-fuse]

Empress of China starters pt.2

“Who’d want this sort of ‘good fortune’?” “If you can be so vicious, I won’t go easy on you. You will pay for this with your life. I will ruin everything you love.” “When I come back, we’ll have years to ourselves.” “I am not patient enough to persuade you, nor will I beg. This is an order.” “Ah, I see! Did you fall in love with one of them?” “I see… You’re going to abandon me, just like everyone else.” “Should you fail to make the right decision, you can be assured you will be offered to the dead.” “You are too naive in your thinking.” “If you wanted me to, I’d turn against the whole world.” “You’ve been my every since then. I can’t lose you!”  “I see. You’ve suspected me all along.” “It’s a pity he couldn’t bear to kill you.” “I was actually quite fond of her. But she gave me no choice.”  “I never treated her like a lower. ” “How could I ever hate you? I’ve always treated you like my own sister and risked my life for you. But what have you done for me?” “You’re nothing but a pitiful wretch forever living in someone else’s shadow! You’re only capable of being a replacement!” “Look at yourself. LOOK AT YOURSELF! What’s become of you?” “You’re no different from a beggar at the market.” “If you hurt me, you’ll get a tenfold return.” “The person I respected… who loved me dearly is long dead. The thing in front of me now is just a walking corpse wearing their skin.” “You’ve followed me for all these years, yet you’ve betrayed me the same.” “If you won’t say a thing, and I do the same, what’s wrong with keeping a secret?” “You gave me hope so many, many times. Then you took that pathetic little bit of hope and crushed it to dust. Every. Single. Time.” “I knew then that only when the world is rid of you I can finally be happy.” “If I wanted to kill you, you think you’d still be alive right now?” “You’ll live the rest of your life in my shadow. You’re destined to lose.”  “You let me down first. You betrayed me first.” “There will be a day when this war ends.” “It’s on this day that all my sufferings have come to an end.” “I saw her and I saw you. All the pain and anguish you’ve brought me!” “Your pain is just the beginning. I’ll watch you suffer in so much pain you wish you were dead.” “Whoever killed her will answer to me I will make each and every one of you pay with your blood.” “There’s no such thing as being too careful.” “If I have to keep my distance around you then there’s no one I can trust anymore.” “I’ll tell you something from the bottom of my heart.” “He was so obsessed with the throne he’s lost his mind.” “Without you I’d be long dead.” “I don’t expect you to forgive me.” “I hate you as much as I loved you.” “I’ve nothing else to say. Whether you believe me or not, it’s your cal.” “I wanted to see you in pain.” “The dress is nice, but that style is several years old.”

[terriblechastity-blog]

               “ yes, we’re together.   is that any of your business?   i didn’t think so. ”

@naaiivety

[naaiivety-blog]

@terriblechastity is why we can’t have nice things

[terriblechastity-blog]

[terriblechastity-blog]

@naaiivety:

X

              ‘ so  eloquent of you, hanschen, ‘   her signs drawl, an amused sarcasm littering her expression. she’s well aware how he likes to imagine his own words like poetry, though she’ll have to admit it isn’t often very poetic to her.  ‘ sorry,  I’ll have to agree to disagree. what with how beautiful the sky, the wildflowers. ‘   she pauses, the honest, warm tone of her words fading into a childish prodding,  ‘ did  the boys ditch you after school or something? ‘

             well, he DOES think himself eloquent;  one of his various strengths.   ( anyway,  even if she WAS being sarcastic, there’s a damn good reason he was  nearly at  the top of the class.  he knows that. )     he’s  going to tell her quite plainly that he didn’t care if she disagreeed,  that this this and this is why she’s wrong.   but then she’s teasing him,  and he can’t  h e l p  but to roll his eyes.  “ i ditched them, if you can even call it that.  why would i bother with  a n y  of them? they’re morons. ”

[terriblechastity-blog]

ur fave is problematic, lexie: uses joey haro (the truest hanschen), v descriptive and in character writing (how distracting and rude to us not as talented), characterizes wonderfully (hanschen is a dick)

I JUST SCREAMED WHEN I SAW THIS ADAM UR SO SWEET AND CUTE THANK U SO MUCH ILY

[terriblechastity-blog]

ur portrayal did u mean actual fuckin trash king hanschen rilow?? I love to depise your garbage son but in HONESTLY you're the only person I've ever seen get his characterization RIGHT and still manage to give him depth and interest but i still hate him okay he's still traschen rilow to me

I DONT HAVE ANY ICONS OF HANS SMILING S O,,  thank u so much i try v hard to give him Some depth alongside the Eh top-layer characterization he gets in the musical so!!! thank u and he’s traschen rilow 2 me too

[sidestuiff]

Tell me what you think about my portrayal!

[terriblechastity-blog]

khakislut.

    he’s not so sure of anything. not even of what they’ve just done. surely not of what hanschen is saying. a spark ? what would that be if not the birth of love ?  but oh, he won’t argue. hanschen is much better at it than him, no doubt. he just shifts a little closer, hands now clean, after being wiped on the ground. “ thank you ? “ he doesn’t have a clue why he’d thank you. but maybe he ought to. but he melts again, only closer, resting his head against hanschen. really, this is all he asked for. a small bit of care. some attention. some gentleness. but maybe love is only a lot of hurt, and a little bit of care. what could he know about this ? he’s never been loved before. never had a spark with anyone before. or even the kind of love you’re supposed to have, the kind you don’t earn. the love you’re supposed to have just for being born. so this would be enough. and he’d give back a hundred times. try to keep it, just as long as he could. he’ll be hurt, if it makes hanschen feel good, feel happy. he’ll be hurt, for a few kisses. and he buries his face in hanschen’s neck, the most gentle smile on his face, really. “ oh, it doesn’t matter, i love you hanschen. that - it proved it ? right ? it’s - i do, i really do !. ” he can’t have known how it hurt. he’s sure hanschen didn’t know. else he wouldn’t have done it to him, that’s for sure. ( or maybe he knew, and maybe that’s how love was. maybe he should stop overthinking it, and just live it. ) so for now, he’ll be happy with what he can get. happy with an illusion, too quickly sold.

               while bobby’s mind wanders,  overthinking on LOVE,  hans is only considering how he’s not very likely to do this with bobby again.   sure, if he’s just dying for it  ( then, he’s no animal, he could control himself ), but he’s certain he can do better than someone who just LAID there like a dead fish.  hans had been hoping for some passion,  vigor,  excitement.  it was no fun when bobby didn’t even seem to want to be there.                then again,  bobby maler was better than nothing;  a warm body  & gentle touch  & softspoken, if nothing else.   and he WAS handsome, with an incredible ass....      so he would keep bobby on his good graces     he certainly was e a s y     but perhaps would give ernst robel a try,  or something.                   “ that’s wonderful, i expected nothing less, ”  it’s cocky and obnoxious,  but at least he isn’t lying to himself.   “ but really, it’s best if we don’t talk about this.  not in public, at least.  YOU would get us in trouble. ”  now to simply avoid bobby any time they’re not in public.   foolproof.

[terriblechastity-blog]

vxneyard.

        Ernst trailed by Hanschen’s heels  —  it seemed as if Hanschen walked so much faster than he did, with much more intention.  While Hanschen had places to be, Ernst would rather stop to take in the flowers and the sunshine and everything else about the day.  But for today, his eyes were glued to Hanschen.

       Each time the skin of Hanschen’s hand brushed his own, Ernst could feel that sensation in his stomach again.  The way it fluttered, like some sort of strange schoolyard crush  ; which was odd for him, of course, because Hanschen Rilow was a BOY. It isn’t as if Ernst would have a crush on a boy  —  not that he had a crush on a girl either, he was certain of both of those things.

      ❝It is ! Just lovely.   I like to spend a lot of time outside, just to take in the day.❞

              “ and still, they expect us to spend day after day trapped in the classroom  & church.    and later, our offices and bedrooms and still church. it’s absurd, don’t you think, ernst? ”               for the first time,  hans spares the other a glance ( makes sure ernst sees it as his eyes travel down and back up. )  as if before that moment, looking at ernst was a WASTE of time.     hans made it a chore to do,   he made it important.                 and as for asking ernst his thoughts on it,   he already knew ( at least thought he knew )  that ernst wasn’t exactly the brightest;  didn’t think of things the way hanschen did.   and such a devout follower like ernst robel certainly didn’t think of these things on his own.     this was nothing but to see how AGREEABLE ernst could be ;   to see how eager he was to fit in, to keep hans’ attention, if he would say  y e s  to just about anything.

[terriblechastity-blog]

ANDTALL.

         “don’t be rude, hanschen.”

               “ i’m not being rude.  i’m being honest.   i can’t wait to get out of here so i can find a halfway  d e c e n t  girl. ”

[terriblechastity-blog]

important things i just want 2 put Out there about hans esp since i don’t get to write them

he’s not one-dimensional. he’s not just cynical and smart, he is complex and there’s more going on in there. that’s the pre-cursor for this bc i worry??? that writing him may come off too one-dimensional villain-y, because that’s how he interacts w people.

he has Feelings, astounding, I know. he cries. he doesn’t cry Often at all, and he would only ever cry like alone in his room when his parents aren’t home. 

he cries about Max. if he cries, he gets upset with himself, but I think a lot of the time it spurs from being lonely?? he isolates/alienates himself from the other boys, but he still does feel lonely, especially when he thinks about his good friend/lover max and how he’s now gone

there is just barely more to his relationship with ernst than sex. it’s primarily about sex and ernst being easy to get it from, but I definitely think hans has more of a connection there than he does with other people he may sleep with. he wants to Share knowledge with ernst; he doesn’t want to do that with wendla or bobby, for example.

he Has built walls because of how he’s raised. he has been raised to be strong & dominant & the best, and he is very abrasive as a result of that.

he’s like fifteen and a fucking idiot and one day, i promise he’s going to grow up

[terriblechastity-blog]

KHAKISLUT.

       “ but - why not ? ” the voice is soft, always. confused, too, as he puts himself together. that was new. ( that hurt. he didn’t tell him it’d hurt ). “ is it - you didn’t like it ? didn’t you say - people in love do this ? ” so he had to love him -  at least a little - to do it with him. he still wasn’t sure exactly what happened. ( laying there had been easy. even if it hurt. even if he didn’t get it. he could close his eyes. breathe. and when he’d been done - he just opened them again. if others did it, normal people did it, then he must too. ). there are grass stains on his pants. even if they’re too short. too tight. he hates the stains more than anything. rubs them with the palm of his hand, barely looking up - does it just mean he should be ashamed ? are you not supposed to be proud of being in love ? the green won’t leave, won’t disappear. and there’s something else, sticking to his fingers, when he runs them against the soft grass, as if to ease the burn from rubbing just a little too hard. “ ew - that wasn’t here before. “

               “ i said no such thing. ”   and it’s true.  hanschen,  even in how desperate he is to get into someone pants,  knows better than to start throwing around the word  L O V E.    “ maybe that people with a connection do          people with an attraction, a  s p a r k. ”   whether he feels any of that with bobby is debatable,  but those are words he’s content to throw around.   taking his sweet time in righting himself, he basks in the bliss a few moments before he even begins to button his shorts,  return to the picture-perfect appearance the rest of the world would see.    “ thank you, darling.  or maybe you ought to thank me. ”  he grins,  JOKING  ( or maybe only so much ), and takes the other boy’s frantic hands into his own,  kisses his fingers softly;   something close enough to love, perhaps.