Andrew, St Andrews, Scotland

Not gay but also not straight. Don't post any politics on here, just good patter and ketty vibes

[apokrify]

THIS DRAWING WAS MADE 700 YEARS AGO BY A 7-YEARS-OLD BOY NAMED ONFIM WHO LIVED IN NOVOGROD.

[oarfjsh]

[zvaigzdelasas]

more of onfime’s drawings:

[trashboat]

[funnytwittertweets]

[memewhore]

[doggiedyke]

Peace and love on planet earth

[baking-accident]

tide pods are absolutely an aperture science invention. blue, orange, and white color scheme? pleasing rounded plastic aesthetic? look tasty but will burn your throat and kill you? i bet they were cave johnson’s attempt at creating delicious snack packs

[hacktplanets]

“Cave Johnson here, 

So I have some bad news and some good news, the bad news is those Aperture Science confectionaries we just spent millions of dollars making are absolutely toxic, they will rupture your insides immediately upon ingesting them. The good news is we’ve found they’re great for taking stains out of clothes.”

[bro-ccooliebra]

Cats when you pet them too long:

[mountain-spirits-deactivated202]

more natural dyes: the blue was made with red cabbage + cornflowers and the purple was made with blackberries + maple bark. plants are magical.

[iamoutofideas]

I’m so sorry but I thought this was nyquil spaghetti

[questionablepastries]

Lean cuisine

[modernhaterboy]

Why is it that when you start eating eggs you also have to suffer a race against time before your brain decides to make eating eggs unbearable

[math-memes]

[unclefather]

just set my house on fire because someone was making fun of my ship on tumblr

[ndiecity-deactivated20241101]

lol you mean the one with flaccid sails and a brittle hull

[unclefather]

fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck you fuck

[bloodsisters-deactivated2023013]

I miss when crypto was exclusively for ordering drugs with numbers in the name online and socially unacceptable to explain

[ostolero]

it's dangerous to go alone. take this.

[squeakitties]

[capacity]

The thing about girls is they’ll be in a relationship with the most random man. They will find people you didn’t even know god could make

[the-real-numbers-deactivated202]

Tumblr learns about the variety of the human experience

[intj-confessions]

Tread here.

[pointnclickadventuregame]

if you are looking for media that has lgbt characters that survive to the end consider watching my sex tape

[bunniope]

great! i love horror movies!

[pointnclickadventuregame]

if you are looking for media that has lgbt characters that survive to the end don’t read this textpost

[adreamoflemons-archive-deactiva]

david tennants so funny to me cuz  hes like. a very private and quiet person. and all characters they call him to do are like mr slutty mcthot

[summerofspock]

David Tennant can do three things, be a detective, a serial killer, or wear very tight pants

[indieninja92]

i always think the venn diagram is Slut, Sad Dad, and Serial Killer.

[shittinggold]

Change my mind

[currentlybeltingbohemianrhapsody]

[sigridkaffen]

for the love of all that is good in the world, someone needs to do that completely feral welshman next

[indieninja92]

michael sheens venn diagram is a circle labelled Slut

[nerdythangs]

[charlottemadison42]

i didn’t think this could get better but then it did

[atombombtom]

tell me something about yourself

so this might be tmi but the first time i jacked off it was like 2005? I was playing the sims 2 for the first time and i didn’t know anything about Gay but i made my male sim kiss don lothario, which i didn’t think would work. i then googled “2 sims kissing (boys)” and that led me down a rabbit hole (lol sims 3 reference there), and yeah, ya know, I did the self-woohoo. that same night there was an oprah re-run about teenage pregnancy and i was horrified. oh my god, i was convinced i was pregnant, nevermind that i am a little cis gay boy with no uterus. nevermind that i was a virgin. i was CERTAIN I was pregnant. Like, 900%. I had done the nasty and had become filled with my own vile seed. I started getting really self-conscious about my belly expanding. I didn’t want to google anything about masturbation leading to pregnancy out of fear it would confirm all my worst fears. My male sim got abducted by aliens and came back with morning sickness. He gave birth to twin aliens. that confirmed it in my mind that it was biological possible for men to carry children, perhaps even their own.. what was i going to tell my parents when i gave birth to myself? anyway I went to the doctor with a cold and he asked me what was wrong and i told him i was pregnant and he pissed himself laughing. this whole ordeal lasted about 5 months, but the lasting effect will probably follow me to the grave.

[atombombtom]