poetic history

[notyoubabe]

I don't need a nervous system I need a cool and chilled system.

- P.T.

[notyoubabe]

Every great idealist wants to go and change the world. Coming back with the world changing them.

-.P.T.

[notyoubabe]

I wished it would've been a different story . But I'm starting to realize that worlds are separating us. I'm beginning to accept the fact that you're you and I am me and for once this is okay .

[notyoubabe]

My life feels like a constant escape room game in which I'm trying to make it out but doors stay closed until I've figured some things out.

- P.T.

[notyoubabe]

this place will never be my home

i’d rather die a thousand times than call this house my home we bleed we lie on the ground but this house is not my home offer me your demons, let them play with mine i’d never thought that this will be our end maybe we’d been to weak for this was it all a game that i’ve lost? i can’t describe the feeling in me  it could’ve been good but it hurts these walls are crawling while you sleep and with this i’m going to leave this place where we’ve been all this time  i won’t stop screaming if you chase me  bringing me back to this place where i suffer from dreaming i wanna break free, let me die a thousand times but never say that this place will be my home

[notyoubabe]

It's the "how do you need me to treat you for you to feel safe around me" and the "what do you need from me to feel heard,seen and understood" instead of "you don't talk to me". it's about creating a safe place in a world full of insecurities. It's the I wanna learn how to love you so even in the darkest nights you won't feel lonely.

P.T.

[notyoubabe]

You heal me in so many ways but also tear my mind apart.

[notyoubabe]

Passing by on the daily. Absolutely knowing what could happen. Hoping for it. Addressing the elephant in the room, i need it. The chance. The possibility of not being possible. The small glance of risk. Not needing it to survive but to feel. Where all the numbness comes together. All roads been open the dead end is what I choose. One day climbing the wall escaping from the law. Fail to mention what it would cost only seeing what could be felt. Security. Safety. Vulnerability.

- P.T.

[notyoubabe]

I'm full of emptiness. Should be lightweight but weights heavy on my mind. Thoughts all coming together but when I want to grab em they disappear into nothingness. Been running in circles ever since not able to stop but exhausted from spinning. Finding solutions for questions not yet asked. Wondering where everything goes when there's nothing left. Or where they leave when they go. While silence screams so loud all I hear is nothing. Trying to catch up with time running. Can we just pause a second and fast forward to where I know I'm gonna be.

- P.T.

[notyoubabe]

I won't settle for anything less than the feeling I felt when you were around. Like everything I never knew I needed coming together all at once.

- P.T.

[notyoubabe]

It's been quite some time now. Years to be exact. But whenever I see your face my heart, it stops. And I can tell. I'm not over it. Not fully. Maybe never will. I'm in rehab still. After you. And some days, i need another therapy session. Because of you.

- P.T.

[notyoubabe]

It's been years but I'm still in rehab from the moment we split apart. Deciding to let go was the hardest thing to do. Still being reminded be the idea of us with memories that break me once in a while. Signing up for another therapy session to finally continue like you did.

- P.T.

[notyoubabe]

And suddenly it's november again and you find yourself thinking what have I done this whole year that gets me to where and who I wanna be? Like.. what were my goals when I started. Are they still the same? Suddenly it's november and it's raining outside and you find yourself thinking have I grown like I wanted to? Am I still the same person or have I worked on myself? What has actually happened that year that really made an impact. Took I care of myself or do I still talk to the toxic people I swear to get rid of. Do I still live in the same safe bubble or have I left my comfort zone? Am I really improving or just walking in circles? And then it's end of December and it all starts all over again.

- P.T.

[notyoubabe]

There's no scenario of how my life is going to be that doesn't include you.

- P.T.

[notyoubabe]

Welcome to therapy land.

- P.T.

[notyoubabe]

Red flag waving right in front of you but those blue eyes the caught me and froze me not being able to look away.

P.T.

[notyoubabe]

And sometimes all you need is a ride through the dark. Windows down. letting the cold breeze caressing the skin. Music so loud that the veins vibrate deep beneath. To clear the mind and empty the soul.

- P.T.