NO ONE talks about the amount of times and how easy it is to be overstimulated as a single parent.
You get your YOU time on your breaks at work.
You don’t get to be a normal fucking person anymore cause your sense of self and peace means nothing now cause you’re LITERALLY two parents in one.
MAKE IT MAKE SENSE AS TO HOW TF IM GONNA GET THROUGH THIS SHIT.
Cause How tf am I suppose to get him where he needs to be when I’m not where I should be. NO EXCUSES. But where’s the time to work on me. There is none. I’m worn out and feel beat down so much to the point of one minor inconvenience sends me into a whirl of mania, disassociation, insecurity and guilt, YES ALL MOMS EXPERIENCE GUILT. BUT THERE IS NO GUILT LIKE THE TYPE YOU FEEL WHEN YOUR TINY HUMAN HAS TO GROW UP NOT HAVING A DECENT FUCKING HUMAN BEING AS A FATHER, KNOWING EVERY GODDAMN DAY THAT you CHOSE HIS FATHER AND THAT WILL NEVER NOT BE YOUR FAULT.
You wanna talk about perspective when I’m doing the hardest thing I’ve ever done and still somehow managing to get my ass up every day… I DONT NEED YOU TO BE PROUD OF ME CAUSE I AM PROUD OF ME. I MADE IT FURTHER THAN I EVER THOUGHT I COULD.
As you can see. Some days are harder than others. But once you get to the point of feeling as if giving your all, your best, the MOST you fucking can and it makes absolutely no difference then your mind starts to wander and wonder what the point is. Intrusive questions enter your mind like a marathon.
It’s a different type of dagger in your heart when you can’t help your kid no matter the amount of times you give your entire self up.
This shit is full time. It never stops. It never gets easier. And I can not do it by myself anymore.
