Shitposting Swordsman

just a man with his dog and a Dragonslayer data tower | casual Guts & Beast of Darkness Berserk roleplayer

[thatbrandedswordsman]

Guts & the Beast of Darkness | The Black Swordsman Era

18+ Freeform Berserk Roleplay & Ask Blog

Stuck swinging this fuckass sword and this stupid brand thanks to @tortured-griffith.

Dumb thing lets me connect to the internet, so here I am.

@puck-the-elfberzerk tries to be my conscience

All asks will be answered in character as a post-eclipse Guts and/or the Beast of Darkness. Ask them whatever you want, non-roleplay blogs welcome.

DISCLAIMER: This is a parody account and my personal interpretation of Guts & his attitude during his rock-bottom "fuck everyone and everything era."

I make web weaves & other shit under “#my shit”.

Guts posts tagged as “#shitposting swordsman” and “#swordsman speaks”.

Beast of Darkness posts will always be in cursive and tagged as “#nature of the beast” and “#the beast speaks”.

[thatbrandedswordsman]

// ooc: taking a break from this account for a bit to focus on IRL

[thatbrandedswordsman]

@puck-the-elfberzerk. Not that I give a fuck, but... where are the other elves?

[puck-the-elfberzerk]

Yes. That's a whole island of elfs where I have many elf friends and my elf brothers. :D

[thatbrandedswordsman]

Why ain’t ya with ‘em then? Don’t ya… miss em?

[thatbrandedswordsman]

@puck-the-elfberzerk. Not that I give a fuck, but... where are the other elves?

[tortured-griffith]

Why is HE baby boy and I'M listed as "evil"?

Well, let's ask the audience then, shall we?

Which option is correct?

thatbrandedswordsman is "Evil"

daily guts is "Baby boy"

Both

Neither

tortured-griffith mogs all

Voting ended onMay 14

[thatbrandedswordsman]

THE ONLY ANSWER IS NEITHER.

[vampiresister]

thums up if this made u cry

[bisexual-engineer-girl]

"visual learner" this "auditory learner" that well I'm an oral learner. put it in my mouth

[thatbrandedswordsman]

[tortured-griffith]

It has happened, folks... I have officially continued an AU beyond the idea-dumping phase! Serial Killer!Griffith AU is back! Say hello once again to no. 1 yuri victim yearner Casca and her two """""straight"""""" gal pals!!!

This AU is dedicated to the lovely @emogirlguts whose insurmountable love and appreciation towards Trucker Guts had me tripping over myself to bring her back. She is all yours, sweetie. Be gentle♡

[griffgutsbaby]

If you’re my kid, why the hell is your hair white? You inherit my stress or some shit?

I inherited it from Other Daddy, of course!

It's a recessive trait, so it's not common — I'm just special!

[thatbrandedswordsman]

re...cess... tch. Talkin' nonsense. 'Course you'd look just like him, wouldn't ya.

How the hell are ya mine?

[griffgutsbaby]

I actually used to have dark hair like you when I was born! Wasn’t I cute?

[thatbrandedswordsman]

That… ain’t possible!

[thatbrandedswordsman]

D-daddy, is that you?

The FUCK?

[griffgutsbaby]

I love you 💙 even though you left Other Daddy in the snow all those years ago.

Won’t you please return so we can be one big happy family again? With Auntie Casca too.

[thatbrandedswordsman]

Are you watchin' me or some shit? OTHER DADDY? Auntie- Who are you???

[griffgutsbaby]

I promise I’m real 💙 not like that big scary dog you keep talking to!

Come with me to Falconia. You and Other Daddy can make out up 🥰

[thatbrandedswordsman]

Who are you calling scary, little brat?

…tch. Guess weirder shit’s happened. The fuck is a Falconia?

[griffgutsbaby]

Falconia is a utopian paradise where all your wildest dreams can come true!

Come on, Dad. You're tired, aren't you? Don't you want to give up the fight and answer the call of love?

[thatbrandedswordsman]

…I can tell you’re Griff’s kid.

The hell’s so special ‘bout that place anyway? Ain’t a single good napping tree in that picture.

I didn’t… have a dream. Ain’t a place for people who don’t dream.

[griffgutsbaby]

You must have had a dream, right? Even if you won’t admit it to yourself?

[thatbrandedswordsman]

Tch. Men like me ain’t allowed to dream. ‘S how the world works.

[griffgutsbaby]

If you’re my kid, why the hell is your hair white? You inherit my stress or some shit?

I inherited it from Other Daddy, of course!

It's a recessive trait, so it's not common — I'm just special!

[thatbrandedswordsman]

re...cess... tch. Talkin' nonsense. 'Course you'd look just like him, wouldn't ya.

How the hell are ya mine?

[thatbrandedswordsman]

D-daddy, is that you?

The FUCK?

[griffgutsbaby]

I love you 💙 even though you left Other Daddy in the snow all those years ago.

Won’t you please return so we can be one big happy family again? With Auntie Casca too.

[thatbrandedswordsman]

Are you watchin' me or some shit? OTHER DADDY? Auntie- Who are you???

[griffgutsbaby]

I promise I’m real 💙 not like that big scary dog you keep talking to!

Come with me to Falconia. You and Other Daddy can make out up 🥰

[thatbrandedswordsman]

Who are you calling scary, little brat?

…tch. Guess weirder shit’s happened. The fuck is a Falconia?

[griffgutsbaby]

Falconia is a utopian paradise where all your wildest dreams can come true!

Come on, Dad. You're tired, aren't you? Don't you want to give up the fight and answer the call of love?

[thatbrandedswordsman]

…I can tell you’re Griff’s kid.

The hell’s so special ‘bout that place anyway? Ain’t a single good napping tree in that picture.

I didn’t… have a dream. Ain’t a place for people who don’t dream.

[thatbrandedswordsman]

Do I have any other spawn that would like to show up or are ya waiting for me to wrap up this collection?

[thatbrandedswordsman]

Hello, dad. *chuckles* Some little brat already wrote to you, so it's time for me to come out of the shadows. Yes, dad, I'm your daughter. No, you or Griffith didn't fly in, it's just astral projection (probably). No hugs, I'm know that you crazy bastard. And thank you for the gift of the dagger, I already threatened the insolent prophetess Sonya with it.

…’course you are.

Ain’t ever heard of any “Sonya” but thinking’s never been my strong suit. ‘Course, “stab first, think later” got me into this shit.

Don’t be like me.

[puck-the-elfberzerk]

I um...I uh...I um...I forgot what I was gonna say

[thatbrandedswordsman]

'course ya did. did you get the directions to the village or didn't ya?

[puck-the-elfberzerk]

I um...I'm sorry...I forgor. Please don't be mad at me

[thatbrandedswordsman]

Tch. Fuckin’ course ya did.

Did ya get the water?

[puck-the-elfberzerk]

Yep I got water

*hands over flask*

[thatbrandedswordsman]

that... ain't water Puck.

[puck-the-elfberzerk]

What...what is it then

[thatbrandedswordsman]

Tastes like… fruit?

[thatbrandedswordsman]

D-daddy, is that you?

The FUCK?

[griffgutsbaby]

I love you 💙 even though you left Other Daddy in the snow all those years ago.

Won’t you please return so we can be one big happy family again? With Auntie Casca too.

[thatbrandedswordsman]

Are you watchin' me or some shit? OTHER DADDY? Auntie- Who are you???

[griffgutsbaby]

I promise I’m real 💙 not like that big scary dog you keep talking to!

Come with me to Falconia. You and Other Daddy can make out up 🥰

[thatbrandedswordsman]

Who are you calling scary, little brat?

…tch. Guess weirder shit’s happened. The fuck is a Falconia?

[tortured-griffith]

He pulls up to my tent TITS to his CHIN and has the nerve to tell me "Oh, it's lightly lined~" ...BITCH!!

[thatbrandedswordsman]

WHERE ELSE AM I SUPPOSED TO REST MY HEAD?

[tortured-griffith]

In my arms ☆⌒(ゝ。∂)

*tries to lean seductively on my side but my humerus shatters under the weight*

[thatbrandedswordsman]

*scoops you up, balancing your helmet on my completely natural and very lightly lined indeed chest* tch. Fuck's sake, how 'bout ya rest here before I gotta call someone.