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The Vegan Experiment. EEK!

Here it goes… finally. I’ve always said that I could NEVER go vegan with my health issues and my love of all things BEEF. But, alas here I am desperate for relief and answers and willing to do anything to help myself. In September of 2014, I discovered Whole30 and I fell in love with the idea! I ended up losing a total of 70 pounds and my gall bladder, but after about 6 months on a mostly whole30…

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A "Hello" from the other side

A “Hello” from the other side

I did something bad during my time at 140 Jump Street. Brace yourself. I (accidentally) stole a bible from the waiting room. Well, it was kind of an accident and I intend to return it next time I go back to hell on earth. God basically made me take it. Pinky swear. The only books available in the waiting room were the Bible and some crappy self-help garbage I obviously wasn’t in the mood for. I…

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140 Jump Street

Every single day of my life is just another (ridiculous, hilarious, disastrous) chapter in my autobiography. Today was NO EXCEPTION. I’m in a place I never thought I’d be…but boy!! Am I glad I’m here! 140 E Washington Street. Marion County Corrections. I’m waiting with a bunch of my homies, fellow criminals, to get my new Back Track alcohol monitoring device. Since I’ve already proven I’m not a…

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In Loving Memory

I guess God thought I needed a good cry today. A complete soul cleansing, if you will. I found the DVD from my dad’s memorial service shoved in the pocket of an old suitcase so of course I had to watch it immediately. In loving memory of Frank William Trump. Here come the waterworks and I’m only five seconds in at this point. I saw this video while it played at his actual viewing, but I remember…

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Hey Scary Mommy, a word please?

Let me begin by saying that I like you, girl. I really do. I’ve been a fan for a while now and I really enjoy your posts about actual motherhood and funny shit your kids say. BUT. Your political rants have thrown me over the edge this week. Since you’ve ignored my repeated attempts to tell you why and maybe gain some perspective about why you’ve been losing fans left and right this week, I’m…

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True Freedom

I’ve been accused of being too honest. (Pish posh! There is no such thing!) I’m too open, I’m too forward, and if you don’t want to know the truth you probably shouldn’t ask me the question. Americans have become so sensitive. Everything is politically incorrect, offensive, or it just hurts someone’s poor wittle feewings. I read something recently that I really liked. “True freedom is when you no…

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Let's stop the apologies

Let’s stop the apologies

Today was a much better day than yesterday. I spent the day loving on two of my favorite girls and having some pretty fierce play doh creation competitions. During the play doh princess dress competition, my favorite six year old joined me and her eight year old sister. She’s a disaster! But, she is the very best kind of disaster there is. She is tough and funny and witty and smart and she breaks…

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The Truth Hurts.

I did it. I filed the police report that I’ve been dreading and never wanted to pursue. I did the most difficult thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. I filed a police report against my husband and he will be charged with rape. I gave it to God…and the prosecutor’s office. Throughout our difficult marriage, I begged my ex husband to just left me go. “Give me a divorce, because you obviously hate…

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The Truth, The Whole Truth and Nothing but THE TRUTH, SO HELP ME GOD.

I’ve been holding off on writing this post for a number of reasons. Today is the day it needs to be written and read and shared as much as possible. Today is a day for change and God has put it on my heart to tell this story. In an effort to help others, here it is. This story begins On May 12, 2016. I was headed to California for a mother’s day vacation ALONE that Joshua had helped me plan and…

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The Neverending Ache

Today was a terrible day. The last week has been tough and today just made things worse. I ugly cried twice today and at least once over the last week. My dad was such a source of comfort for me. He gave me his “together strength” just like God does. While I know I always have God in my corner, I really really miss having my dad physically and alive right there too. I miss him so much more than I…

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Joy in Pain

I usually try to hide the amount of pain I’m in on a daily basis. For me, its not worth it to dwell on the pain, but rather focus on how to feel better and take the best care of myself that I can. Today is one of the bad days. Some days are great and I almost forget that I have Polycystic Kidney Disease and Dystonia.(Dystonia is a very painful muscular disease related to Parkinson’s. Most of the…

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#dystonia #GODSWORD #joyinpain #pkd #polycystickidneydisease

A Love Letter to my Blessings

I let something happen that hasn’t happened in a very long time. I let people hurt my feelings. I thought I didn’t have any anymore, but they popped back into my life just to say “Hey! Fuck you! Let’s cry about it all day and then still feel shitty!” The worst part is, I let people who don’t even matter to me hurt me. People that don’t know me. Those of you who are lucky enough for me to really…

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If you're reading this...

If you’re reading this…

Don’t judge me based on the things that have happened to me. Don’t hold it against me that I’ve been treated wrong. Ask the people who know me. Ask the ones that have been there with me through the worst times. I don’t lie. I don’t tell half truths. I love purely. I go out of my way to always do the right thing and I never tell a lie. If you want to know something, ask me. If you doubt my story,…

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It's time to take care of our veterans.

It’s time to take care of our veterans.

In the last two weeks, eight police officers have lost their lives at the hands of two men who served this country. Two combat veterans took the lives of other public servants like them. We really need to start talking about the mental health issues that are shaping the lives of the people who fight for our freedom and protect our rights. I suffered from intense PTSD after the death of my dad.…

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Love...again.

Love…again.

Well… I’m in love. It’s terrifying and too soon and nothing like I’d thought it’d be. I met the man of my dreams. For real this time. We are being cautious and taking things slow, but I know he’s the reason I’m here. He is the one. He’s the type of man I’ve been praying for forever. He’s the man I wished Josh would be. He loves me and he wants to be a step dad to my kids. I love him and his kids.…

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Baby Matthew's Angel Day

Baby Matthew’s Angel Day

I usually love the memories that pop up daily on Facebook. I still do… except when they send me into an emotional tail spin. It was as innocent as a smiling picture of my daughter and I laying in bed together and snuggled up close. What you saw a year ago was a happy mother and daughter taking a selfie. What you didn’t see was the truth. The pain of that day was almost too much to bear and…

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The Grief Monster

The grief monster will always live under my bed, waiting for a moment of weakness to jump out and grab me. I’ve often heard it described as a wave. I recently told a friend who is dealing with some trauma about my take on the wave analogy. Sometimes, you’re in shallow water so all you have to do is plant your feet and stand while the waves crash in. Sometimes, it crashes over you and pulls you…

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