styofa doing anything
Today's Document
JVL
Game of Thrones Daily
Misplaced Lens Cap
"I'm Dorothy Gale from Kansas"
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#extradirty
Andulka
if i look back, i am lost
Lint Roller? I Barely Know Her
One Nice Bug Per Day
wallacepolsom
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Peter Solarz
pixel skylines
Kiana Khansmith
⁂
祝日 / Permanent Vacation
Not today Justin
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seen from United Kingdom
seen from Malaysia
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seen from Brunei
seen from Poland
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@thatdayindecemberr
Hiii 🧚♀️
This is my diary 📖
I'm a 30 y/o single mom to a toddler. He's the best thing that ever happened to me. 💙
I struggle with an ED, CPTSD and a plethora of other physical and mental health issues. This community is my entire support system. Please don't take that away from me. 🙏
I'm easily overwhelmed, so I like to keep my circle small. That means I block most people I don't already know. It's not personal. ✨️
Love, Sav 💜
Tired tired tired tired tired
Neighbor still blasting his music/bass. Fly in the house that I cant chase away apparently. Pain pretty bad. Overstimulated x 100. Double dosing the benzos bc I need it
L is napping again. Later than I'd like bc now it'll be very difficult for me to stay awake until he's asleep tonight bc of the max time I can take my meds, but im still happy he's napping bc he needs it and I need the break and the more often he naps again, the higher the possibility his sleeping schedule will shift a little again and that would be great bc the 4.30/5am mornings are Not It.
L has a school outing to a big playground tomorrow and ofc parents need to come too bc they cant watch all those feral toddlers at once in such a big place. But I can barely sit upright without crashing atm... theres no way I can go to a playground for 3.5 hours... no one else is available to go with him.. im gonna go, but I'll probably have to leave after an hour and even that will give me PEM again bc I'm already crashing constantly atm. I hate that L will have to miss out on things bc of me. Absolutely fucking hate myself for it, even though I know its not my fault that I'm ill. It just sucks that I cant give him everything I wish I could and I fail as a mom in so many ways
My neighbor really needs to stfu.. he always scream talks... dude I get that you're old and maybe half deaf but you DONT HAVE TO YELL when you're on the phone or have visitors. I can hear you through the damn wall, I'm sure they can hear you
Dude is still going. And now my other neighbor is blasting his bass again 😭 why does shit like this always happen on the days I need rest & silence the most.....
My neighbor really needs to stfu.. he always scream talks... dude I get that you're old and maybe half deaf but you DONT HAVE TO YELL when you're on the phone or have visitors. I can hear you through the damn wall, I'm sure they can hear you
Im lowkey losing my mind again. I cant get my fucking eating under control. The side effect from the amitriptyline are annoying as fuck. Im exhausted and constantly crashing. L is doing toddler things and not listening at all. It's suddenly hot as balls again. CM is still sick. My mom is back from vacation but hasn't once texted me. None of my friends have checked in on me. No one seems to care that I've been so damn close to completely breaking down for idk months now? Idk. Im just a whiny stupid person ig. But im just so tired. I just want a break. I just want to be able to rest. Idk. I don't think I'll even post this bc im sure everyone is over my whiny bullshit by now. Sorry. Im just lost
Had to leave the house again (forgot something I promised L that he remembered and asked about).....
161 bpm 😭 body is NOT coping rn
Seeing all this data def does explain why I keep crashing and getting PEM bc clearly my body cant handle the bare fucking minimum of basic tasks... unfortunately, theres no one else who could do these tasks for me, so im pretty much fucked
Fatigue attack again. Not surprising if I look at my heartrate from today
Barely in resting heart rate window even though i sit and lay down every chance I get, and my usual resting hr is on the low end of the window (like at the blue dot)... The spike during sleep time was when I got out of bed to take my iron btw lol it doesn't spike that much without getting up
Survived the hairdresser appointment. No clue if my hair looks good bc she cut it dry (bc I cant get my hair washed there anymore bc of neck) so its giving Hermione rn lol 🐑. Got a little bit more cut off and some layers. It feels lighter so that's good bc even though I cut off 20cm, it was still pretty heavy
Also pretty sure the amitriptyline is increasing my appetite bc I had a normal breakfast but im so super hungry again :(
- 5000 energy but I have to go to the hairdresser today. I kept debating canceling, but my self done haircut needs to get fixed and today is the only option before August to go to the girl I prefer to go to at the salon
Also, L was super sad all morning and at school drop off and apparently half of the kids in his class were/are sick, so he's probably getting sick too. Would explain his tossing amd turning last night..
Idk how to survive taking care of a sick kid rn. And it would be a nightmare if I get sick too bc my body has zero healing ability rn amd if I get worse rn, id probably be fully housebound, if not bedbound... and that would mean not able to take care of L. So im in big trouble if he gets sick..
Day is off to a very bad start. But at least i can have coffee bc I took my iron tablet at 3am when I couldn't sleep bc L was tossing and turning next to me
Waaaait a minute
I didn't take ibuprofen or even paracetamol today.... I was in pain all day, but not to the point that I couldn't take it anymore and took something for it.. (i only take something when it gets borderline unbearable). this hasn't happened in MONTHS. Is the amitriptyline working???✨️
I still struggle with it bc it makes it so hard to wake up in the morning and im super dizzy for most of the day too, but if that's the price i have to pay to not be in debilitating pain and not even need a single paracetamol, I'll damn sure take it 🙌
