That Girl

Come as you are.

[thepersonalquotes]

[the-name-is-cupcake]

And sadly he probably doesn't even remember talking to that stupid whore on iFunny about how she wanted to me whore out for the pizza delivery man. But reading those messages over and over again burned a hole in my brain I can't unsee and when he made a silly little joke about his new job delivering pizzas he even laughed and I know he probably doesn't remember because it was just some random Tuesday and he was bored but the second he made that joke it brought me right back to feeling worthless and like I wasn't doing enough to please him. It didn't cross his mind because it was never a big deal to him and that's the problem. Find those messages and seeing those pictures ruined my life. They ruined how I see myself and they destroyed how I see him. I can't take a compliment anymore without seeing those pictures in my head. I'll never unsee them and he doesn't even realize it happened.

[the-name-is-cupcake]

I want to know all this was worth what I went through was worth it but he won't even acknowledge I put myself through FOUR fucking abortions just to make sure we would still make it out the other side. To make sure I could stick around for the babies we already had. To make sure I could do this. And now I'm still second guessing myself and everyone only makes me doubt myself more.

[suicidalteenagenightmares]

There’s not an easy way to say this but… I absolutely fucking hate myself

[the-name-is-cupcake]

He played a song the other day and sung the line "If it was meant to be baby we would have been by now" and I can't unhear it because maybe he's right. Maybe this was never meant to be we just needed something strong enough to get us through.

[the-name-is-cupcake]

The fact I can't point out the cohorchion without having to comfort you for uncomfortable that makes YOU feel.

YOU did that to ME and I laughed along because I was to uncomfortable to fight you because I knew what winning would cost.

[the-name-is-cupcake]

I want someone to want ME. Every inch, every chunk. To be purely obsessed. I don't want lust I don't want to be the "nut" I want to be loved. I want someone to want me without wanting to be inside me. Someone who loves my bare skin on theirs with nothing sexual expected. I miss being wanted.

[the-name-is-cupcake]

Sometimes I like to pretend it never happened so I can be happy for a little while but it always creeps back in.

[toothsheeran]

[kosmogrl]

[javarisx-fightingthosedemons]

[emotionalwords]

[the-name-is-cupcake]

"why would you ever think that?" I don't know probably because it's happened TWICE and it's not that far fetched

[the-name-is-cupcake]

You can "Just a friend" me all the way to the grave but you can't unlook like that Everytime you think about them or any time you say their name or they get brought up. Something in you changed.

[javarisx-fightingthosedemons]

[the-name-is-cupcake]

I am literally drowning and everyone just keeps saying how pretty it looks.

[the-name-is-cupcake]

I don't know something about my best and only friend at the time getting me black out drunk and leaving me in that garage knowing what that kid wanted to do to me changed my brain chemistry and I can't make real friends anymore.