Like the Sun in the Sky

Welcome! This is my writing blog dedicated to Jumin~

[juminies]

There's something about the way that Jumin, exhausted and unmotivated and stressed beyond comprehension, calls you and softly asks "Can I not see you?" before realising what he said and taking it back. Something about the way he's usually so deliberate but says it without thinking. Something about how he's never spontaneous but finds himself almost instinctively reaching out to you anyway

[juminies]

Still thinking about this actually. The fact it specifically happens when you offer to stick up for him even if it's futile, the way he pauses for a few seconds and quietly scoffs when the weight of his request hits him, and the way he says "Ah..." and laughs under his breath before he speaks again as if he's a little embarrassed. It just feels like something

[the-narrow-street]

Glowing Embers - Jumin Week 2024

Happy birthday Jumin! I wrote this and felt it fit the theme for day one best (everlasting love, gratitude, and constancy) ❤

~~~

You were never good at gifts. Attempting to express your affection through items never came naturally to you, and Jumin’s contrastingly natural inclination towards the habit somehow made it feel even harder. You had both settled it early on in your marriage then, that neither of you felt the need to celebrate special occasions with them. Partly because you didn’t want Jumin to spoil you, but also because it took the pressure off. Rather, gifts would remain as a small habit whenever the desire took hold. 

When you had first confessed your difficulty in choosing a gift for him that might even begin to show just how much you cherished him, he listened with patience and affection. His sincere response dispelled all of your stress.

“Every moment with you is a gift to me, my love. One that I never could have dreamed of receiving.” He was never one to lie. And so you settled on a birthday tradition for yourselves: you would both take the day off to spend with each other. 

Mornings are slow and honeyed, suspended in seemingly unmoving time as he holds you close. Though he wakes early in habit, he has no need to rush to prepare for work. He could stay here forever, hearing your gentle breathing and feeling your soft skin. As you walk the ambiguous line of dreaming and wakefulness, he presses reverent kisses to your hair, your temple, your brow. Each a sign of gratitude for the unimaginable blessing that is waking beside you. That you came into his life and saw through to his core in a way unlike any other. The gentle sigh that escapes you and the fluttering of eyelashes are to him monumental, sustaining his soul even after the years spent together. Perhaps even more so for it. 

The afternoon might find you both on the couch, his head in your lap and Elizabeth the 3rd on his. He would have you run your fingers through his hair all day if he could, basking in the comfort and your undivided attention. Somehow always enamored at just how soft it is, you can’t help but smile as you gently card through it. He hums contentedly and his relaxed expression mirrors your own. You can’t deny that you secretly search for glimmers of silver, and he would take no offense at this. Each silvered strand or crease around the eyes a sentiment of your blissful time together. 

If you had taken Jumin’s initial impression as the whole truth of him that first time you accidentally infiltrated the RFA’s chatroom, you would have never imagined the warmth that resides below his serious exterior. But you hadn’t been fooled, even then. You recalled one of his first private messages to you. Complete strangers at the time, and yet he genuinely and innocently declared that you two might make fine friends because of a shared love for cats. 

So you couldn’t be too surprised at the warmth of his love. As glowing embers constantly ablaze, it burns steadily and ceaselessly.

[the-narrow-street]

Acknowledgment

I think I feel a bit guilty towards Jumin because Zen is my second favourite character lol

~~~

The sight of her slightly flushed face and bashful smile as she accepted the spare helmet from Zen remains burned in his mind. Hands reach for his temples and a frustrated sigh escapes him as he is forced to experience the aching moments of watching them ride off on the motorcycle together over and over. 

Wine, Elizabeth the 3rd’s quiet company, and the expansive view of the city lights below are usually the foundations of a pleasant evening alone for Jumin. But the memory of earlier events intrudes and prods at his mind relentlessly, a loud and incessant banging at the door which he does not wish to answer. Thoughts and feelings he does not want to address. Stubbornly he turns the lock and covers his ears. 

Even the wine was of no use tonight. As he hears her lovely laugh ringing in his mind, the taste sours when he thinks of Zen being the one to elicit her delight. Zen’s easy touches and nicknames for her push the boundaries considering how little time has passed since she joined the RFA. The image of an arm all-too-casually draped over her shoulders - bang bang bang - appears each time he closes his eyes. 

But even with his mind swimming from the alcohol and the late hour, Jumin can recognize himself as being unreasonable. Zen flirted with her nearly from the moment she entered the chatroom, despite being a complete stranger. And MC had always been kind to everyone, even to Jumin. She defended him when the other members mocked him. He warms at the recollection and the ghost of a smile dances at the corners of his mouth. 

He almost sinks into that warmth, lulled by the gentle comfort which she effortlessly seems to supply him. But as his body eases and his eyes slip shut, an icy chill once again spreads over his skin. 

Is this what jealousy feels like? 

He scoffs at the realization, feeling suddenly foolish and somehow a bit small. 

The desperate knocking grows impossibly louder. Covering his ears seems to be a hopeless endeavor, but Jumin has been here before. He can ignore it. He must ignore it. But this losing battle comes to a stand-still at the pleasant tone of the notification sound he had set just for her. 

MC: Hey Jumin, I wanted to let you know that I got back safely! You seemed a bit worried earlier when Zen offered to take me home… 

MC: Did you spend the rest of the evening with Elizabeth the 3rd? I’d really love to meet her soon :) 

A shaky and self-conscious laugh rises to the surface as he reads her words once, then over again. His hand rakes through his hair and he allows a smile to finally settle. 

The knocking continues, though now significantly less threatening and demanding. He uncovers his ears and the sound softens further, until ceasing completely as he takes a breath and unlocks the door.

[the-narrow-street]

New Beginnings

Jumin nervously adjusted his tie with his unoccupied hand for what must be the tenth time since putting it on, holding a modest bouquet of flowers in the other. He had considered traditional red roses, perhaps more fitting for the occasion, but had ultimately settled on a smaller array of delicate flowers. Cheerful bright yellow petals interspersed with small white blooms of gypsophila. He felt intuitively that these flowers suited your humble and gentle nature, and he felt reassured upon learning some meanings behind them. According to the florist, gypsophila can represent innocence and new beginnings. What could be more appropriate to congratulate you for your first party with the RFA? 

And the added meaning of undying love was one that he would keep to himself if questioned about what inspired his choice. 

He imagined what your reaction might be when he would give them to you. He suspected that your bright smile would match the flowers, and just the thought of it was accompanied with a feeling of warmth. As heat rose to his face so did his hand rise with it, back to his tie in anxious habit. 

~~~

Jumin spotted you in the crowd almost instantly, his gaze guided toward you as if possessing an internal compass. He felt relief from his anxious anticipation at the mere sight of you. His shy smile would be indication enough to anyone that knew him of his feelings towards you. But he was oblivious to the clues his expression betrayed; smiling around you was as involuntary and natural as breathing. 

He made his way to you - feet almost walking on their own, as though a string were pulling him - when the sight of Zen approaching you grounded him in place. His smile faltered and his breath caught in his throat. The bouquet of roses Zen presented you was returned with a smile and the color deepening on your face. 

With a shaky sigh, Jumin released the air he had been holding and turned away. 

“Mr. Han?”

Jaehee’s voice came with the reminder to steady himself. With practiced ease he fell into his meticulously-trained exterior. 

“Ah, Assistant Kang. Good timing. Would you mind setting these aside for MC? I’m sure she has enough going on at the moment than to worry about where to put more flowers.” His voice came out more strained than he had hoped. 

“Of course, Mr. Han. Some of the guests have been asking if you had arrived yet. It seems that many of the guests that you suggested were eager to attend.” 

~~~

To say that you were nervous would be an understatement. It was your first time coordinating an event like this, and for an organization that you had only just joined! You hadn’t even met most of the members yet, although you felt close to them already after countless conversations in the chatroom or over the phone. 

You stood among the guests, feeling relieved that there was such good turnout. You had already spoken to Jaehee, who was especially helpful when it came to greeting the attendees, and had asked her if Jumin had arrived yet. You hoped that you didn’t seem too eager to meet him. When she said that he was on his way, anticipation and nerves filled your chest. 

As you scanned the large room for him, you were met with a different set of familiar eyes. Zen quickly approached you and you felt that his pictures on the messenger didn’t fully prepare you for his looks. 

No wonder he can’t stop talking about how handsome he is. 

Anyone that looked like he did would be intimidating if you hadn’t come to know him on the messenger. From the very beginning he was welcoming and trusting toward you. His praise and terms of endearments that flowed all too easily caught you off guard at first, but you were glad to see other sides to him. His kindness towards the members of the RFA, his insecurities, and how hard he works at what he loves. But somehow you couldn’t shake the nagging thought that his warmth and affection was not reserved for you alone. Or at least, it came too easily. Despite the bashful smile his affection elicited from you, it was too familiar too quickly. 

But still, he had become a dear friend to you, along with the other members. So when he handed you beautiful roses along with his charismatic smile, you couldn’t help the blush that spread across your cheeks. 

“Jagiya~ It’s so nice to finally meet you in person! Congratulations on organizing such an amazing event. All your hard work paid off!”

“Thanks Zen, it’s so nice to see you in person, too. The roses are beautiful - you didn’t have to…”

“Are you being shy? So cute~” 

“Don’t tease me!” With a laugh, you added, “Oh, have you seen Jumin by the way?” 

His expression soured at your question, annoyance at the mention of Jumin’s name instantly evident across his features. 

“No, I haven’t seen the Trust Fund kid yet. He better not have brought his cat with him.” 

Recollecting some of the conversations in the chatroom between Jumin and Zen, your heart sank. Zen’s willing misunderstanding of Jumin was something that you deeply wished could be resolved. 

“Don’t worry, Jumin promised that he wouldn’t bring her. Um, I’m going to put these flowers somewhere safe, okay? Thank you again, they’re so pretty.” You replied to Zen, trying to remain light-hearted. With a smile, you headed through the reception hall to one of the back rooms where you were keeping some of your things from the party set-up. 

On your way in, you nearly bumped into Jaehee in the doorway. 

“Hi, MC. I just left some flowers from Mr. Han for you in there.”

Your heart swelled. “For me? From Jumin?” She replied with a nod and a small smile, and you thanked her shyly as she left. 

A wide smile spread across your face as you set down the roses in place of the bouquet Jaehee left behind. As you admired the arrangement of flowers, you thought of Jumin. Did he pick these out personally for you? What expression would he have made had he handed them to you himself? You felt a pang of regret at that thought. Why hadn’t he given them to you himself? 

“MC?”

Your eyes widened at the deep yet gentle voice that came from behind you. A voice that you had come to know very well this last week or so. It brought instant comfort and joy. 

Holding the flowers even closer to your chest, you turned around to finally meet him, previously contained excitement and happiness now bursting forth through your wide eyes and smile. 

~~~

His voice came out hesitant and quiet despite his efforts at remaining level-headed. But even so, it had the desired effect as you turned towards him. 

And there you were, your radiance overpowering that of the flowers he chose for you. Just as he had imagined it. He knew from your profile picture that you had a brightness to you, even believing he could hear it in your voice as you laughed at something he said during one of your many phone calls. But the full force of seeing it in person was enough to steal his breath away. 

“Jumin!” 

He could almost fool himself into believing that your expression towards him was different than it was with Zen. That it held something more affectionate. 

“Jaehee said that you were looking for me…” It was all he could manage, shock and uncertainty still knotted in his mind. 

“Hm? Oh… yeah, I was. I was really looking forward to meeting you, Jumin.” You admitted with a bashful smile, averting your eyes in embarrassment.

His lips curved up to mirror your own. 

“I was very much looking forward to meeting you too, MC. I see you received the flowers. I wanted to congratulate and thank you for organizing such a wonderful party.” 

“Yes, they’re so lovely Jumin. Thank you. Although I was just wondering why you asked Jaehee to leave them here instead of finding me…” 

As your voice faded with uncertainty, his glance towards the roses sitting behind you provided enough of a hint. 

“But seeing you now makes it feel like I received them from you! Thank you again, I love them.” 

His expression softened at your subtle reassurance. Your kindness and understanding towards him was more than he had ever known. 

The music you had organized for the event grew loud enough to reach the back room where you two stood, signaling an invitation for the guests to dance. Recognizing the waltz, Jumin summoned courage, hoping to compensate for his earlier missed opportunity. 

“I don’t usually dance at these events, but perhaps I could begin to, if you would be willing to join me?” His hand left its spot at his cufflink, instead reaching out to you in a timid invitation. 

And as you set the flowers down to instead place your hand in his, he found the warmth that had been missing from his life. 

“I would love to, Jumin.” 

[the-narrow-street]

Reflection

Jumin Week 2023 - Day 1

Happy birthday to Jumin!! I think I’ll love him forever <3

I’ve never done Jumin Week or anything like that before and I’m not sure if I’ll be able to write for the prompts. I feel like for anything I’ve written I’ve been possessed and my hands just type lol 

~~~

It was his first business trip since the two of you were married. He had wished that you could accompany him, but had fought against his selfishness. He wouldn’t be gone for long and you had your own work to focus on. He knew that if he had asked it of you, you wouldn’t have hesitated to go. You were always so kind and understanding. He wouldn't take advantage of it. He wanted you to be selfish. 

So he found himself reluctantly kissing you goodbye, lingering - stalling - and forcing himself to let go of your hand. 

He hadn’t fully realized just how quickly he had become used to your presence - how he had come to depend upon it. Soft and quiet but spreading warmth throughout the penthouse, filling every room and every fiber of his being with a sense of comfort. 

The shock of your absence struck him there in the hotel room, a wave of ice-cold water crashing over him that left him gasping for air. There in the elegant suite, with large windows revealing the stunning scenery of an unfamiliar city, the silence and solitude could convince him that what he had left behind was all a dream. That someone like you had found him, had seen right through his cold exterior, and loved him despite the tangled mess within his heart. It seemed too good to be true. Perhaps he was waking up from a dream crafted out of his delusions and desire. 

Catching his reflection in the window, fear filled his mind that he would see that he was once again just a man in a suit. But to his surprise, he didn’t. 

Instead, he noticed the tie that you had picked out for him that morning and remembered how you had straightened it for him before he left. It was a routine that brought heat to his cheeks and a warmth that filled his chest everytime you did it. 

His eyes followed his hand reaching out to his ring, a new habit he had developed since the day you placed it on his finger. Knowing that you were wearing a matching one reminded him of the promises you made to each other. 

And when his phone rang and your name lit up the screen, his mouth curved automatically into a smile that he wore almost constantly when you were near. A smile that meets his eyes, one that he has no control over. 

You hadn’t made him human, but reminded him that he was.

[the-narrow-street]

Shared Solitude

I think Jumin is someone that I could be alone with. We could recharge each other instead of drain.

~~~

Zen, Yoosung, and Saeyoung all have so much energy. They can make anything fun with their enthusiasm and jokes. 

But Jumin grounds you, brings you back to yourself. He is the gentle guiding hand on the small of your back. Strong fingers softly squeezing your own, reassuring and comforting. While the others bound into a room with excitement and draw your attention, Jumin sits down quietly at your side, peace washing over you like gentle waves on a shore. 

Seven teasing Yoosung, the younger excitedly explaining LOLOL, or Zen dramatically performing his lines for you. They all effortlessly bring a smile to your face wide enough to make your cheeks ache. You can get caught up in it, pulled into their dizzying storm. The joy and laughter makes you light-headed like riding a thrilling roller coaster that leaves your legs trembling. And it’s Jumin who offers out his hand to steady you. 

He finds you on the couch, full of love for your friends and eternally grateful that they accepted you into their group with open arms, but now tired. It’s his calm presence joining your side, a soft kiss to your temple, a murmured greeting into the still silence of the penthouse. Leaning into him is like sinking into a warm bath after a long day, muscles relaxing that you didn’t even realize were tense as his arm wraps around you. 

It’s just you and Jumin and you can breathe again. Better than being alone, a shared solitude to steady and find yourself. 

And he feels it, too. After a stressful work day, with frustration and exhaustion wearing away at him, the thought of you waiting at home lightens each tiring step he has left to take. 

You both come back to life in each other’s arms. 

With just a look it feels as though he sees into you, peering into your mind and understanding. Recognition was there the moment you both met. Serious eyes looking down at yours, each of you finding fragments of one’s self within the other. 

He once told you that words become meaningful when they reach you. His words were the ones you could trust the most. Honest and sincere, you found that he truly believed everything that he said. Without teasing or exaggeration, his thoughts and advice formed a sturdy foundation that you could build upon, never worrying that it might fall. 

By his side you knew you would always have a home. Steady and safe. A place to rest. To be seen, to be still, to be loved. In your shared solitude. 

[the-narrow-street]

Good Ending

Jumin is my True Ending~ 

You were trying desperately to stitch up the alternate paths, the diverging timelines, hoping to find some way for them to all be happy. It had been easier for some than others, but you were getting so close. 

Perhaps “happy” wasn’t quite the right word. People can’t be happy all the time, and probably shouldn’t try to be, either. What you wanted was for them to be content - at peace. You wanted to help resolve conflicts or uncertainty that was holding them back. 

These dear RFA members, as familiar to you as family now, though they wouldn’t remember you well enough to feel the same. Each one of them has so much to offer, so much to love. And you had found over time that they all had what they needed within them to succeed and be happy - even without you. It only took some nudging and support on your part, encouraging them to rise to their potentials and be brave in achieving their dreams. 

You had a relatively easy time with the first three - Zen, Yoosung, and Jaehee. They all knew deep inside what they wanted. It was just that their hopes for their lives had at some point had been buried, shrouded in doubt. Admittedly, Saeyoung proved to be more challenging. However, his happiness seemed ultimately tied to his twin brother. When they could be together again, to live safely without their misunderstandings, peace followed. 

Of course, their lives and personal challenges would never be simple. But you had found that they could rely on the other members for support and encouragement in order to bring out their potential and find contentment for themselves. Ultimately, it wasn’t your love that they truly needed. And that was how things had to be. Of most importance, you couldn’t let your affections for them hold you back from doing what you had set out to accomplish. You had to help all of them, you couldn’t get stuck. And although you had grown so fond of each one of them, you had managed well so far. They had undoubtedly changed your life for the better, just as you had hopefully done for them in return. But you knew that they would all be alright without you. You had to keep going. 

Throughout it all, across all your trials and attempts at helping them, there was Jumin. Always supportive, offering help in any shape or form, his unwavering care and loyalty for his fellow members pulled at your heart. You had tried to help him before, but you just couldn’t figure out what it was that he needed. He was successful in his career and seemed to enjoy it for the most part. Even if you tried to reunite him with his dear friends, it was evident that V and Rika were not the solution. 

As you spent time helping the others, it became increasingly clear that while they could all rely on each other in some form, it didn’t seem like Jumin had the same opportunity. They made frequent jokes at his expense, often dismissing his thoughts or opinions. The others - perhaps somewhat inadvertently - kept him at a distance. And likely as a result, he didn’t make much of an attempt to lean on them anyway. Could they really not see through his strong facade? Cold, unemotional, unfazed by things that would stress anyone. You couldn’t believe that someone like that could truly exist. 

You kept trying to figure it out, but it seemed impossible to do so while remaining partially detached. If you were honest with yourself, you were afraid of getting too close. You knew that you could always go back and try again, no harm done. But you would remember. 

Well, I’ve helped the others, haven’t I? It’s just Jumin now. I need to help him too, whatever it takes. 

~~~

Sometimes, admittedly more often than you should, you found yourself wanting to visit him. You wondered what you’d find him doing if you were to open the door to his penthouse. Would he be drinking wine late at night, sitting alone while stuck in thought? Does he enjoy the silence or would the crease between his eyebrows soften if you were to join him? 

You wanted to visit him at work, to tell him not to push himself too hard. To brush your fingers along his cheek, quietly draw his attention towards you, and suggest he take a break. 

It was all too easy to get distracted. You were trying to help him, but your mind kept wandering down selfish paths. 

You weren’t sure how it could be possible, but it even seemed that Elizabeth remembered you throughout all your attempts at helping. Stepping through the front door into the penthouse, she was eager to greet you. Brushing along your ankles, you crouched down to pet her soft fur, delicate purring quickly filling the quiet of the room. You recalled to yourself how apprehensive she had been the first time you visited, reluctant to greet a stranger without Jumin’s reassurance. 

Jumin was surprised by her boldness. With slightly widened eyes, he remarked at her friendliness towards you. “She is usually more timid when meeting new acquaintances…she must be able to tell you are a good person.” 

~~~

You were enjoying the peaceful evening in each other’s company, sipping wine as soft instrumental jazz music filled in the gaps of your conversation. You registered that a new song had begun, internally appreciating the subtly romantic melody. You hadn’t noticed that Jumin had stood up until he was standing before you, one hand outstretched towards you in invitation. 

You placed your hand in his without a word and rose to meet him. When his other hand found a place on your waist, you instinctively supported yourself on his shoulder. These movements brought the two of you closer than you had ever been, heat rising to your face as you met his gaze. 

It wasn’t really dancing as much as it was proximity, the sharing of a moment together as you slowly moved along to the gentle music. The intimacy caught you off guard. 

He was looking down at you with a soft fondness, silently communicating affection and some form of longing. If not exactly passion, then perhaps a longing for closeness or understanding. His eyes revealed vulnerability and you knew that he was trusting you with the side of himself that others would never see. The part of him they probably wouldn’t believe existed even if they knew of it. 

The intensity of all that you read from his stare was overwhelming. Suddenly conscious of what you might be inadvertently telling him in return, you lowered your gaze and moved instead to rest your head on his chest. The action brought the two of you even closer, but he welcomed it, his arm wrapping further around you as your hand reached behind his shoulders. Holding your other hand more fully in his, you felt the vibration from his chest before his quiet hum reached your ears. You closed your eyes and relaxed deeper into his embrace. You could lose all time there. 

But the spell holding you both suspended in your private reality couldn’t last forever; the sound of an incoming call woke you from the dream. You stepped back, somewhat startled from the sudden interruption. 

“Oh, um, you should get that! It might be important…” 

Jumin reached for his phone on the low table. Slightly apologetically, he explained, “It’s my father. Please excuse me for a moment, MC.”

As he stepped out of the room, the time brought you fully to your senses. It was late and you were both alone in his home. And how easily he had drawn you to him, an invisible pull that you didn’t even try to resist. You were supposed to be here to help him - to find out what he needs. Not get swept up in some self-indulgent fantasy. 

The call was brief, and when he returned you stood up from the couch, suggesting a move towards the door. 

“Jumin, it’s getting late. I really should be going.”

“Can’t you stay?” His hesitant reply came with a step towards you. He looked sad at the thought of you leaving and almost desperate to have you stay. 

And you wanted to. More than anything you wanted to stay. But you couldn’t. You were afraid that if you did, you would never want to leave. Already you despaired at the distance between you and him, your hand left cold outside of his gentle grasp. 

Reading distress in your expression, he stopped himself from reaching out to you. 

“Ah. I must be pressuring you. I apologize, MC.”

“No, Jumin, I don’t feel pressured…” with a sigh, you added, “I do want to stay. But I’m not sure if it’s the right thing. I don’t know if me being here is helping…” 

He gently reached for your arm, his other hand coming to rest lightly on your cheek. You closed your eyes and melted into his soft touch, comfort washing over you. His reply came as a whisper as he leaned in even closer to you. “I feel more at peace with you here…”

All you could do was sigh in response, not wanting to lose the peaceful moment - like a fragile illusion that would be shattered if you dared to speak. His words were punctuated with his lips pressed to your cheek, his warm breath ghosting over your skin. A kiss so hesitant and gentle you wouldn’t be surprised if you had simply dreamed it. 

If you reached for his hair, weaving your fingers through the soft dark strands, would he sink into your touch? The subtle scent of his cologne, only detectable with this proximity, could hypnotize you until you couldn’t tell where you ended and he began. 

Before you acted on your impulse, you found him wrapping his arms around you in a full embrace, confessing, “To be honest, even now I’m fighting away twisted thoughts of wanting to keep you here, to be safe where only I can see you. I feel nervous that you’ll think I’m just a strange and weak person.” 

“Jumin…”

“I don’t wish to burden you…but I feel able to share my emotions with you. You listen to me and try to understand. You’ve accepted things about me that others have refused.”

His grip tightened around you, clinging to you with desperation. As you returned his hug, you felt him relax and his distress dissipate. 

And it seemed so obvious to you now. 

Jumin wanted to be accepted for who he was, not for what he could offer. For someone to try to understand him. The jokes that the other members made at his expense in the chatroom and their frequent dismissal of him must have worn on him all this time - such treatment would upset anybody.  

Someone to face his complicated thoughts with him, to fill the emptiness in his heart, was what he truly longed for. To give his affections, his thoughts, his love to someone who didn’t wish for anything from him except his heart. He needed help untangling the knotted threads burdening his mind, help sorting through the emotions that have piled up over time. 

“I want you to be happy, Jumin.” You mumbled, your head buried in his shoulder. 

“I feel happy having you by my side, MC. I don’t need anyone else. I just need one person to understand me.”

You knew that you wouldn't be able to stay with him forever - oh how you longed to - but you promised that your heart would be with him for as long as possible. You could only hope that it would be enough. 

[the-narrow-street]

Cold Inside

Happy holidays! 

When you lose power, you end up spending the day with Jumin and help him decorate the penthouse~

You woke up earlier than usual for a Saturday, no longer able to sleep with how cold your room felt. Snow was scheduled, but there was no way it could make your room this cold. Unless…

When the switch of the lamp beside your bed brought no change, you exhaled a disappointed sigh. 

Great. No power on my day off. 

Unsure of what to do or where you could go to wait out the outage, you decided to enter the chatroom. 

Saturday morning. Zen has rehearsals all weekend for his upcoming shows, Seven probably only just went to bed, and there’s no way the others will be awake at this hour. 

With this in mind, it came as no surprise to find Jumin the only one logged on. He wakes up early as a habit and has been online pretty often lately. You both have grown close, sharing similar interests and enjoying each other’s company. 

MC: Good morning, Jumin! What are you up to today?

Jumin: Good morning, MC. I don’t have much planned for today. Right now I’m enjoying my coffee while watching Elizabeth the 3rd sleep. 

Jumin: What about you? 

MC: Ah… I’m not too sure yet. My place lost power this morning, so I’ll probably end up going out somewhere. 

Jumin: Come to my place. My driver can pick you up. 

MC: What? No, it’s okay Jumin! You don’t have to go to all that trouble. 

Jumin: I insist. It’s going to be snowing all day, and you don’t know how long the power will be out. 

MC: Jumin, that is so kind of you. Are you sure you don’t mind? 

Jumin: Not at all. When would you like my driver to be there? 

~~~

Your gentle knock was met with the door opening merely seconds later, Jumin welcoming you in as if he had been waiting eagerly for your arrival. 

“Welcome MC, I hope you didn’t have any trouble getting here.”

Sliding out of your coat sleeves, you smiled up at him. “Not at all Jumin, the roads were better than I thought they’d be!” He reached to help you with your coat as you added, “And thank you so much for letting me come over. I don’t know where else I would have gone…” 

“It’s my pleasure, MC. You are always wonderful company.” His earnest comment brought warmth to your cheeks, which hopefully went unnoticed by him as you crouched to greet Elizabeth the 3rd. Purring, she happily leaned into your touch. “I believe Elizabeth thinks so, too.” he commented with a fond smile.

You had been to Jumin’s penthouse a few times before, but never in the winter. Your eyes lit up at the view of the light snow falling over the city. With a faint gasp, the sight pulled you away from Elizabeth, quickly heading to look out the window. “Wow, it’s so beautiful, Jumin!” 

You felt him join your side at the expansive window. “It is an impressive view, although I’m afraid I’ve grown somewhat used to it by now.” You glanced at him in disbelief, when you were struck by how empty his penthouse seemed. “Wha- hey! You haven’t decorated for Christmas at all?” 

“I never really saw the need to. My father and I usually go out for a meal to celebrate, and no one else really visits.” He answered you seriously with his usual even expression. But sadness gripped your heart. His penthouse was impressive, the view spectacular - but suddenly it felt cold and altogether much too large for even the both of you at that moment, let alone just him. 

You impulsively reached for his hand, pulling him back towards the front door. “Jumin, let's go get some decorations!”

Clearly surprised, he began to object, claiming that it was unnecessary. Interrupting his rejections, you reasoned, “It’s almost Christmas, you know? And what if the members of the RFA decide to visit? Trust me, decorations help people get into the festive spirit!” You pleaded, your eyes searching his own for any real disagreement. You didn’t want to force him if he really didn’t want to, but you couldn’t bear the oppressive emptiness of his penthouse. 

“All right. If you insist.” he conceded with a light chuckle.  

~~~

You returned a couple of hours later, red-faced from the cold weather but feeling warm with excitement, eager to decorate. 

You had decided to keep things simple. A small plastic Christmas tree, tinsel, a wreath for his door, and of course, plenty of string lights. 

You chose some instrumental Christmas music to fill in the comfortable silence that settled between you while you got to work together. Jumin was delighted at Elizabeth’s interest in the tree, and you watched the affectionate expression on his face with your own fond smile. You laughed freely as she played with tinsel, only suppressing your giggles when Jumin showed you the pictures he had taken of her.

When all of the decorations were up, Jumin offered to make you both something warm to drink. It was then that you snuck to add the final, secret decoration - a mistletoe - hung above his front door. You had picked it out, wondering if he knew the tradition or not. You weren’t sure if you even wanted him to know about it. If he didn’t know, then you might feel a bit disappointed. But if he did, there could be two likely outcomes - and it could end up being very awkward. 

Well, too late to chicken out now! 

~~~

By late-afternoon, you received a notification that the power was back at your place. Jumin had convinced you to stay for dinner, and you were now lingering - enjoying the comfort of his company and appreciating how cozy the Christmas lights made the penthouse. 

“Thank you for decorating with me, MC. I never knew how satisfying it could be to put them up myself.” Jumin was staring peacefully at the tree, but his eyes showed loneliness that he refused to acknowledge. 

“You mean you’ve never decorated for Christmas before?” You couldn’t help but ask, although you probably shouldn’t be too surprised, knowing what you do about his upbringing. 

Replying with a light shake of his head, “My father always had someone else put them up for us.” 

You bit your lip, feeling guilt and pity for his younger self having grown up in a home lacking the warmth that family usually brings. 

I wish that we could decorate together next year, too. 

~~~

You were almost finished buttoning-up your coat when Jumin asked, peering upward, “What is that, MC?” 

Following his gaze, you were suddenly reminded of your earlier boldness, embarrassment now flushing your face. “Oh… that’s mistletoe.” You braved a glance at his face, finding curiosity rather than a knowing look. 

“Hmm. Does it have any significance? It looks a bit plain…” 

Not sure if you should be feeling relieved or disappointed, you hoped to move on from the topic. “It’s just tradition, I guess. No big deal!” No way you were going to explain it. “Anyways, I should get going! Thank you so much again for letting me stay. I had a lot of fun.” 

His soft gaze and gentle smile in response made your heart ache, longing to wrap your arms around him. “As did I, MC. Please let me know when you are home safe.” 

~~~

Turning away from the door, Jumin couldn’t help but smile as he admired the soft glow of the lights on the tree, reflecting gently on the window beside it. But more than the silver tinsel, the sparkle in your eyes, filled with excitement to decorate the penthouse with him, was the beautiful image filling his mind. 

Strange. It feels colder than usual.

The penthouse was always kept at a consistent temperature, and a quick call confirmed that everything was working as normal. Perhaps he was still feeling the chill from the snowy trip to purchase the decorations. 

Even the wine he slowly sipped as Elizabeth purred softly on his lap didn’t touch the coldness that had settled deep within him. Feeling annoyed and somewhat unsettled, Jumin reached to message you - a recent habit he had formed. 

MC, it has felt cold ever since –

His hesitant typing was halted as your messages came through. 

MC: I’m back now, Jumin. Thank you again so much! 

MC: Also, I was wondering, what if we celebrated with the RFA on Christmas Eve together? You have the most space out of all of us, and now it’s even decorated! I could come early and help get things set up ^^

He typed his reply with a smile - so often worn when talking to you - already feeling warmer. 

~~~

You were practically skipping up to the door of his penthouse, filled with anticipation for the evening celebration with all of your dearest friends. More than anything, you wished that the people you cared for wouldn’t feel lonely during the holidays. Especially Jumin. 

Your arms were filled with the presents and snacks you had brought. Before you had a chance to figure out how you were going to knock, his door was opened for you. 

“Woah, how did you know I was here?” you couldn’t help but question him with a surprised laugh. He joined you with a chuckle of his own, taking some of the bags from your hands. “I just felt that you would be.” was his simple explanation. 

Shoes off and now working on removing your coat, Jumin was waiting by the door with you. You met his eyes and smiled at him, feeling so glad to see him again. The corners of his mouth turned up instinctively in response, but he looked like he had something to say as he fiddled with the cuff of his sleeve. 

“Is everything alright, Jumin?” 

“I know the meaning of mistletoe now.” His straightforward reply took you completely by surprise.

“O-oh, do you?”

“Yes. It has quite a fascinating history.”

You nodded slightly in agreement, truthfully unaware of its meaning beyond the typical Christmas tradition. 

“But I think that we should take it down.” 

You hoped your disappointment and embarrassment wasn’t obvious. “Oh, sure, no problem! It’s just a silly tradi-”

“Before the others arrive,” he clarified with a small step towards you, peering down at your flushed face with mischief-infused intensity. “I would hate for you to get caught under it with someone else.” 

[the-narrow-street]

Familiar

Jumin awoke this morning with a vaguely familiar feeling. A subtle unease, perhaps in anticipation of something. Something unpleasant. He silenced his early morning alarm, and you snuggled yourself closer to him. He wished more than anything to stay in bed with you, warm and safe in each other’s arms all day. He wrapped his arms tighter around you, pressing a kiss to the top of your head. 

He felt, more than heard, your faint ‘good morning’ mumbled into his collar. When he replied with a sigh, you pulled slightly away, peering up at his mildly concerned face. 

“Jumin? What’s wrong? Are you worried about the meeting today?” Your gentle voice only made him want to cling to you more, to not let go. 

“I’m… not sure.” he replied honestly, taking in your concerned expression and adding, “Maybe I should clear my schedule for today and stay home.” 

You brought your hands to his face, softly brushing his cheeks with your thumbs. He relaxed into the affection and held your gaze, intensely studying your features as if trying to burn them into his memory. “Honey, you’ve told me how important today’s meeting is. You’ve been preparing for weeks!” you reminded him, smiling at his tender expression and feeling relieved that some of his stress had already seemed to fade. 

With another reluctant sigh, he took your hands from his face and brought them to his lips, pressing light kisses to your knuckles. He knew you were right - you always were - but a nagging voice urged him not to let you go. 

Noticing him lingering as he brushed his thumb over your ring, you sat up and moved to pull him out of bed with you. “Come on my love, you go shower while I get some breakfast ready, ok?” You reach up and pressed a quick kiss to his lips before gently guiding him towards the bathroom. With one last look at your smiling face, he conceded. Perhaps he was simply stressed about the meeting.

~~~

You had made his favorite pancakes, the recipe he had taught you. He tried desperately to savor them but the growing pit in his stomach proved to be an obstacle. An increasingly urgent voice was telling him not to leave. He wasn’t sure what he thought might happen if he did, but it made him feel anxious. 

Was he just being overly possessive? He had worked so hard to overcome those kinds of thoughts - of wanting to keep you locked up with him so he could be sure you were safe. You had always met his fears with endless patience and understanding, knowing that he only wants the best for you. So many times you reminded him that you’ll always be with him. That you would be there to greet him when he returned home from work. He had no reason to doubt you. 

He felt more resolved to resist the burning desire to stay by your side all day, and more than anything, he didn’t want to worry you. 

You both finished your meal and got dressed for your day. Meeting Jumin at the door of the penthouse, you quietly approached and began straightening his tie. You did the same thing every morning, and yet it brought a warmth to his heart every time. 

“Are you feeling any better Jumin?” you questioned, smoothing your hand over the now-straight charcoal tie. “I’m sure the meeting will go well - you’ve worked so hard to get ready for it.”

“Thank you my love, I’m sure you’re right. May I call you when it’s finished?” he replied, his voice quiet and sincere as always. 

You smiled at such a request - he called you almost every day at work, there was no need to ask. Still, with a stifled laugh you reached your arms over his shoulders, hugging him tightly with the hope of reassuring him. “Of course honey, I’ll be looking forward to hearing your voice.”

And once more he examined your face with complete intensity and yet affection before leaning down to kiss you. His kisses were always soft, but today you swore you felt a sense of desperation behind it. Then once more - twice more - one hand wrapped around your waist, the other gently cradling your face. 

“Goodbye, my love.” spoken just barely over a whisper, his hand moving to brush your hair behind your ear. 

“I’ll see you after work, Jumin. I love you!” Your cheerful voice and smile brought him some comfort, even though every fiber of his being insisted that he stay. 

~~~

The meeting went well, as you had assured him it would. However, Jumin was more irritable than Jaehee had ever seen him. When you had come into their lives, and you and Jumin had fallen in love, he became almost a different man at work. Still just as hard working, but kinder, or at least more openly so to the employees. But today he had no patience. 

Jumin was agitated. His eyes kept wandering to the framed photo of the two of you on his desk, his finger instinctively fidgeting with his ring. He had called you as promised and your voice soothed him a great deal, but he had felt guilty that you were able to detect his stress from over the phone. He had wanted to reassure you that he was fine, to contend with his confusing feelings alone until he could return to you. He would feel better once he was home. 

But he couldn’t shake off the feeling that something bad was going to happen. He felt like he was going to lose you, but had no idea why he would think so. Still, his fears gripped his heart, constricting his chest with an ache that felt like suffocating. Would she still be there when I get home? What if I’m too late? He gave up trying to do any more work that afternoon, leaving the office early with a sense of urgency that was felt by everyone he passed.

~~~

You had promised to help Yoosung with his studies that morning, but had no plans beyond that. Jumin had called you after his meeting. You were hoping that he would feel better afterwards, especially since he said it had gone well. Yet his unease was evident in his voice. 

Feeling too concerned to do anything else, you were debating going to visit him at the office. You had gotten so far as to get your coat on, just reaching for your shoes when he came almost crashing through the front door. 

His eyes were wide, surprised to see you there at the door. Then he appeared to be flooded by a sense of relief at the sight of you. In an instant, his arms were around you, his face buried in your neck. You naturally reciprocated, bringing your fingers to his soft dark hair. You knew he found it comforting, and he sunk even deeper into your arms.

“Jumin, sweetheart, what’s wrong?” you asked without moving away, letting him take his time to calm down. When he did eventually pull away, the sorrow filling his eyes was something you had rarely seen before. They glistened with tears threatening to fall. Your heart broke at his expression, embracing him again in response. 

“I thought that you wouldn’t be here. It felt like you would be gone.” his hoarse reply came quietly after a moment, voice cracking slightly over the words. 

“Jumin…”

“I’m sorry, I must sound strange. I trust that you wouldn’t leave me, but I’ve had this terrible feeling all day.” he sounded tired and so sad. 

“Oh honey, I’m so sorry you’re feeling that way. But I’m not going anywhere. Ever.” You pressed light kisses across his face until a smile formed at the corners of his mouth.

Reaching to remove his coat before yours, you suggested, “Let’s go relax, okay? You must be exhausted after such a stressful day.” 

~~~

Jumin awoke to the familiar sound of his alarm, quickly silencing it before reaching out to the other side of his bed. His hand slid across the silky sheets, finding nothing but cool emptiness. In the haze of having just woken up, a moment of confusion passed - he had expected something to be there. 

Oh. Elizabeth…where is she? 

Usually rising early without difficulty, he had to fight an uncharacteristic urge to stay in bed longer. When he did eventually get up to look for Elizabeth the 3rd, he was surprised to find her curled up on a couch rather than in one of her many beds which she typically preferred. 

It was then, as he was kneeling down and petting her, that he fully considered just how odd things felt this morning. The silence that settled in his penthouse felt heavy, and the rooms all felt a bit empty. He kept expecting to find things that weren’t there - that had never been there. 

Did I drink too much wine last night? Or maybe I had a strange dream…

Whatever the cause, he quickly prepared for work, hoping to escape the oppressive loneliness permeating throughout his home. 

To add to the bizarre nature of his day thus far, chaos rapidly broke out among the RFA when a stranger suddenly appeared in the chatroom later that morning. No one knew how or why they gained access to their private app. 

MC… 

Jumin couldn’t deny that he felt a sense of familiarity at the sight of their name and profile picture, but he knew it couldn’t be possible for him to know them. 

And yet, logic couldn’t explain away the ache in his heart and the tears that began to fall.

[the-narrow-street]

Enough

Okay so I’ve been in love with this man for six years so I figured I’d finally do something about it! 

~~~

“Is something on your mind, MC?”

Jumin’s quiet inquiry from beside you on the bench broke the silent spell that had settled over you both. He had invited you over for lunch to discuss his latest cat project with you - a common occurrence since you joined the RFA. You had both retreated to the peace of his private garden. He knew how much you loved it there. You confessed it every time you walked along its paths, but it was the relieved sigh that first time he brought you here that initially gave you away. 

The two of you had easily grown close, both being introverted in nature and sharing unique interests. And of course, a love for cats. Conversation never felt forced and silence between you two was completely comfortable. 

Either he could read you very easily, or you weren’t as good at hiding your feelings as you hoped. He could tell you were worrying about something. 

“Oh, um, I guess? It’s just… lately I’ve been doubting my contributions to the organization.” There was no point in trying to hide from him now, so you figured you’d swallow your pride and be honest. 

“You’re one of the most dedicated and hard-working people I know, MC.” 

“Thanks Jumin, but sometimes I’m not so sure. When I think about the shoes that I have to fill, I know that I could never be enough, but I’m not sure I’m even getting close.”

He considered your confession, examining you with slightly narrowed eyes as if trying to confirm if you really believed your own words. 

“I can’t pretend to know what it would feel like to be in your position. But what I do know is that everyone in the RFA is better for having met you. I can’t speak for them, but I’m sure they would agree that you have improved our lives more than we could say.”

His heartfelt honesty, though delivered with his usual deep and factual tone of voice, stunned you. Only he could pull you out of your state of overthinking, your anxious rumination. 

With the sudden warmth of his hand on yours, you braved a glance at him only to find him still regarding you. Your heart ached at the tenderness you perceived in his soft gaze.  

“You are more than enough, MC. So much more.”