[sloppystyle]

'to prevent coronavirus keep your hands away from your face'

compulsive nail biters and face pickers:

[vpandav]

2020.02.22

[lizclimo]

thank you, opportunity 

[dare-i-say-asexual]

i remember when i thought i was straight and this guy i was dating was trying to pressure me into sex while i had cramps by saying “orgasms relieve cramps babe” and without thinking i replied “but you don’t make me cum” and i have never seen anyone go through the seven stages of grief so quickly

[colorofinsanity]

d e s t r o y e d

[mipeltaja]

This gif is fucking me up because it looks like the branch clips through the railing on the right-hand side.

[203y]

[futurez-deactivated20200514]

You’re not asking for too much you’re just asking the wrong person

[venusflwr]

why did it take me so long to realize?

[benchowmein]

me vague posting on Facebook when my friends and family won’t give me a $1500 cash gift for my wedding

[unpretty]

i always thought of a king sized bed as being a bit bigger than a queen, but now that i have one, i can tell you that a king sized bed is an absurdity. i can sprawl out, and my husband can sprawl out, and the cat can sprawl out, and none of us are touching. i reach out in the night, and find only pillows and plush walruses. i reach further and eventually find his elbow. he rolls over the comforters to try and find me. “i have crossed oceans of bed to be with you,” he says. there is a vast expanse of bed untouched, unmapped, unexplored. the cat is still trying to sleep on my face.

[bandomfandombeyond]

This is the opposite of a creepypasta

[xeppeli]

[nicejewishguy]

is this a threat

[blog-493629846]

You better believe it motherfucker!

[sealedbeastnue]

“what time is it” you ask, i pull out my 2.7 metric ton granite sundial and immediately crush both of your feet, I loudly announce “it is cloudy”

[bipolarblueberries]

“I’m not really mentally ill, I’m just faking this.” - A mentally ill proverb

[sapphic-space-syren]

i said this to my therapist and she just looked at me and said “so do you think i went to clown school”

[australiansanta]

i’m at such a ?? time of my life i’m just ???????????????????????? like ????????

[justcatposts]

You gotta see the reaction when this German Shepard realizes his owner isn’t behind him…

[eb0lagay]

that was so intense

[juuliaroberts]

where is her oscar I’m shaken

[granola-peasant]

How dare they play their own dog like this?

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

sweet fuck vampires are pale b/c they’re anemic

[tynot]

Did you only just realize this? They also suck blood because they cant get vitamin d from sun exposure.

[biggest-gaudiest-poltergeist]

take a multivitamin you melodramatic victorian appropriating eternal dumbasses

[smooththegoofyshark]

This is my favorite description of a vampire ever

[myalternatereality]

experiences that take place on a different plane of existence

- parents’ evening

- sleepovers

- literally the entirety of Christmas Day

- lying in bed with earphones in

- flights

- exams

- anything you do between 3-4am

- driving in the dark

[uselessvirgo-deactivated2021012]

-when you come out of the movie theater and it’s dark outside

[sarcasticllamasarah-deactivated]

this post is so frightening and i Don’t Know Why

[dragon-in-a-fez]

my friend’s four-year-old son wouldn’t go to sleep because he wanted to keep looking at the stars and she tried to bribe him with a piece of chocolate and he just said “would you rather get a reward or be happy” and turned back to the window

[jausters]

Oh my… God?

[doggosource]

11/10 a good doggo posing for his hooman’s insta 

[baconpolice]

Yall forgot the final product.

[prettyandmean]

I hope he let him him eat it up! He deserved it. I wanna take my puppy to a baseball game now

[standingcowrrdly]

do my dark circles and deteriorating health make me look hot