a consistent theme was never an option @theangelswans - Tumblr Blog

i just slit my wrist with a knife. i dont wanna be here anymore

.

#there's no point in me being alive #i have nothing left to live for

i'm only happy when i'm daydreaming

interruptedangel111

im here but im not

whatisfreedombutdeath

Who said maladaptive daydreaming isn't healthy. Great way to disassociate from reality tbh

moonkissedgirl

Look at all of us, trying to escape reality.

joe-chungus

Bae are u ok you've barely touched ur daydreaming comfort scenario

adumbblondie

creating fake reality and living in a delusion makes me happy at least bc i focus less on real life

fallingmaddlyinlove

i wish i could write my daydreams down in time before i forget the full dialog

thickness-protection-program

Maladaptive daydreamers will hear a good song and be like "now what if there was a humans vs humans from a parallel universe interdimensional war to this"

waffle

#posting a random word so i can rant in the tags #i do it in the tags because im too afraid people will see it and be mean to me #and leave mean comments #and so im too paralyzed to say anything to anyone ever #but i dont know how to get answers for anything #and no one can help me #and yeah im just sad #but yeah like i dont see a point in living anymore #like nothing matters anymore #i used to enjoy things!!! i used to be able to do things!!!#i used to daydream!! and have dreams!!#i used to think of what my life could be like (if i had enough money for it)#having my own house would fix me #unfortunately i am too mentally ill and physically exhausted to even think of trying to get a job #and nobody better comment some bs about that #im terrified of people thinking im lazy #for years i tried to do so much just to prove i wasnt being lazy #and now im just exhausted #and i cant do anything anymore #i miss the way i used to be #i used to feel things!! i used to get obsessed with things and feel emotions for them!!

theangelswans

supercilious

#reblogging because i know theres a tag limit #but yeah like i dont wanna have to wait six more months of this #im so tired #and maybe its not even six months like what if i cant get the appointment for like a year #and i need medication #what if i dont even get the diagnosis #what if the psychiatrist reacts the same way as every other doctor ive been to #and just goes 'well i dont think so' and doesnt do anything to help #and just gives me a pamphlet on anxiety or something #i hate the doc that told me i might have the thing i told her about but said she couldnt give me the dianosis #and didnt at all tell me who COULD #and i didnt even know what a referral was back then #i didnt know i could see my own medical charts #i didnt know doctors were supposed to ask questions about health beyond basic things #nobody ever told me #and yeah people will think this is pathetic and stupid but just ignore this #dont be mean to me

supercilious

#posting a random word so i can rant in the tags #i feel like everyone would think im stupid if i talked about my problems #thats why im ranting in the tags #because like there are people who are in much worse situations #like my situation isnt even that bad #i am just going insane and my body is deterioating and i dont know what to do #and like i dont have any trauma and nothing bad has ever happened to me #like i was never abused or hurt by someone or nothing #its just like...shit genetics or something #and i cant even get the PMDD diagnosed because they require you to track the symptoms #for two months #and so i gotta wait through this months phase #and i dont know how long it will take to make an appointment #and i dont know if the psychiatrist will even know what PMDD is #and i dont know how long i will have to wait for the appointment #like what if its like six months and i have to live like this for six more months #im dying here and its been like...barely two #well i discovered PMDD in january #but ive been tracking symptoms since march

marker

#posting a random word so i can rant in the tags #i dont know what i was even going to say #i just want to type things because i havent been able to journal in like two months #since i started having the issue with my wrists #which still hasnt gotten any better #and is actively getting worse #and no one will do anything #literally doctors have never helped me #and its like the pain i have is real but they cant find anything wrong and so i feel like #its it just me is it in my head or is it even real or is it just insignificant enough that theres nothing they can do for it #and its been this way for so long #i remember being 17 and having this exact same thought #that i just had a collection of various small problems that were too small for anyone to take seriously #and im tired of being in pain all the time #im just tired in general #i sleep like 10-12 hours a day and i still feel tired #i feel like being awake is unbearable #and i want to lie in bed and daydream but my mind is hijacked by the PMDD and i cant

theangelswans

snorkle

#reblogging to add more tags since i know theres a limit #i know that no one is coming to save me #i have to accept that #but it just makes me so sad #i have been dealing with this own my own for so many years #and i am TRYING #i tried to do the wrist stretches and everything and look what good that did me #i tried exercising as much as i could with the limited energy i have because i am always so tired #and i tried meditating #i try to go outside in the sun #i take vitamins #i looked up therapy worksheets and coping skills on pinterest #surprisingly a lot of therapy resources can be found on pinterest #probably why im still alive tbh #or im just really bad at trying to kill myself #and its like i dont want to die i just dont want to be here #in this world #i cant do anything at all and im going insane #and no one will help me #least of all doctors #doctors have never helped me #so i cant get a diagnosis and i cant get medication and i am tired and i dont want to do this anymore #im tired of being suicidal every month #ITS NOT MY FAULT #its the PMDD making my body allergic to its own hormones and i cant do a thing to stop it

snorkle

#posting a random word so i can rant in the tags #im in the PMDD phase rn so ignore this and i'll probably be fine in like a week or so #but rn i just wanna slit my wrists and bleed out #my wrists hurt so much and now its both of them #when before it was just my right wrist #but since ive been using my left wrist for everything for almost two months now #my left wrist hurts a lot now too #and i still havent been able to make the appointment with the doctor #when i went to the urgent care over two weeks ago #and i just want to be able to do things again #i want to journal again and write and do diamond paintings and crafts and make perler bead magnets #and i cant do anything #i shouldnt even be typing rn but fuck it i dont care anymore #it feels like things are always going to be this way #and i want to scream #SOMEONE HELP ME #SOMEONE PLEASE HELP ME #PLEASE IM DYING AND IM ROTTING AND IM LOSING MYSELF AND NO ONE WILL DO A THING

theangelswans

boggle

#reblogging because i know theres a tag limit #but yeah i want to daydream #but my mind wont let me #all i can think of is sad things #and i try to daydream but my mind just keeps going back to sad reality thoughts #and i dont want to think about reality #i cant change anything or do anything about my situation #and i just want to be able to daydream like i used to #i used to come up with the best paracosms and plotlines #and it made me so happy #so to just not be able to do it anymore makes me so sad #and i want to be able to do it again #but my mind wont let meeee #so yeah idk what to do #but dont tell me this is stupid or anything

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