charlie

he/him 26 ! minors/ageless blogs dni !

[theauraeater]

if these hard times are water, i hope my body remains more bobber than lead

[theauraeater]

the worst part of self growth is having to acknowledge your own self worth. i’m not a terrible garbage human, i just have a fucky brain and that’s okay ! if i were a weird little creature i’d be so happy to care for it !!!! so why is it so hard to love the creature i already am ?

[gentle-cottage]

[theauraeater]

i want you. i didnt think i would want you this much.

[theauraeater]

my cat is nestled into my lap. he is the only thing keeping me around right now. thanks little dude

[theauraeater]

my cries for help have no ears to fall upon, i don’t really know where to go from here.

[theauraeater]

why make me feel safe only to rip that from me once the dust clears? what have i done to deserve to be treated this way? they said it them self i’ve never been anything but good to them and yet they did this the way they did and i feel so used

[theauraeater]

god dumped over the phone. thats so fucked man

[ageae]

[sacred-portal]

[theauraeater]

it is sunday night. i am thinking of ending things.

i havent really planned my departure fully, but my body hurts when i think of your suffering and i am unsure of what to do.

i fear i am always the one who cares that their departure will leave their company without, but it is only delusion. i am only good on the surface.

after i am gone, although you may weep for me, it is hard to assume that were i not dead- only left that you would not feel the same. the ability to try again would be gone but then again- there’s more to the world than just me.

you could have infinite more tries with anyone else, my story burned me out before i could find calm and i am sorry. it is hard to imagine a world that feels better for somebody like me. i dont have anything to give, im not smart. i dont have talents or skills that make me worthwhile. i am just here taking up space. and i shouldn’t be.

[theauraeater]

idk how to put it lightly

i already have spent the entire fall trying to pull myself back from doing something drastic. i have reasons to be here, i tell myself. but in true reality- every “reason” is somebody who after they get over me theyll be fine. my family might be sad sure- but they won’t be mourning me. they’d be mourning their “daughter”. nobody really talks about how isolating transition is. i dont have anybody, really. i have a couple friends but they’re not close. i see them sometimes. my partner always has something bigger to do, and it’s not their fault i feel this way. they can’t fix me, and i wouldn’t ask them to. i’m just lonely forever because something is broken in me. nobody wants me around because im not fun to be around and i don’t really know how to fix that about myself. friendship after friendship disappears and i feel like maybe im not compatible with life after all. all i’ve ever wanted was a home and people to love me and i will never really have that because i can’t get there. nothing ever works out. and it’s my fault.

it makes sense. i’m not motivated because there’s no reason to be motivated. i should have just done it already and gotten it over with and then i wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore. it would be someone else’s problem, finally. it would be my fault but everything i’ve done has already been my fault so it doesn’t really matter.

[theauraeater]

i havent had

[theauraeater]

i hate my chronic pain because it’s always something- as soon as one symptom or something stops flaring up, something else starts right up in its spot. i’m tired of everything feeling so hard and being so tired all the time. i dont have a diagnosis but i know that every single day i have pains that make me scared and that means it’s chronic. i dont know what to do because i am financially independent and if i stop working then i am going to be so screwed.

every day either my head is throbbing so much and pounding so fast in my ears that i can’t focus my thoughts or my legs are so sore that it feels like my bones are emptying themselves and aching so hollowly until i cry myself to sleep at the end of the day. the worst days are when one of those is compounded by my back pain and i can’t bend over properly without getting dizzy. i hate this and i can’t afford healthcare where i live and i can’t afford to move on what i make at my full time job . where would i even go ? if i am starting to become disabled then who would even take me ? my family is so hateful towards me and support people who severely dislike people like myself. i am feeling very hopeless in the current state of the world.

[depsidase]

[faeriefag]

uhh.. *taps mic* nasty perverted transmen. guys who slap my ass and grab my waist. dudes who tell me that if they could, i'd have been knocked up four times over. fellas who wanna get phallo just to be buried in me.. men who wanna show off what a pretty little thing i am. boys who wanna breed me like a rabid wolf..

[unorcadox]

how foolish of me / to think i was something more / something special