The phenomenon of narcissistic parents giving more consideration to strangers and acquaintances than their own children is a phenomenon that truly needs to be studied.
Mine was told by someone who she got into an argument with (cliff notes version of what happened) that it made this person feel dysregulated and she apologised to this person without any iota of resistance.
I have been trying to have that same exact conversation with her since I was a younger teenager (I’m 31 now) and every single time, and I have tried from every single possible angle in existence to have that conversation, and every single time, I was shut down, given resistance, punished, screamed at, given the universal “I guess I’m such a terrible mother” speech that all narcissists give their source of supply, accused of being dramatic (because I guess it’s dramatic to say that spending multiple decades in survival mode probably isn’t good for you physically or mentally), and pushed back against.
And she just hands it to someone else on a silver platter, no problem. The day after she screamed at me until I cried and never apologised no less.
It’s infuriating. It makes me bitter. And it confirms that her words are meaningless even if she didn’t intend for them to be because they are nullified by her actions.
No matter what her intentions were, she has designated me as the receptacle for her negative feelings, whether it be knowingly or otherwise. And it doesn’t matter which it was because the impact is the same.
She is a toxic person whether it be consciously or not.
It would be different if the outburst were occasional and immediately followed with apologies every single time. THEN I could see the “No one is perfect” argument.
But this is an ongoing issue that’s been so frequent and kept me and my sister in survival mode for so long that it set off autoimmune issues, AND, whether or not she intended to do so, she is making it EXTREMELY difficult for me to leave financially speaking.
It makes me feel so frustrated to see other people successfully going no-contact with their parents and that same thing being behind a paywall that I can’t seem to break.
The employment crisis is absolutely terrible. I know someone who puts in thousands of job applications every single day and still has yet to hear back from anyone.
This is why people resort to killing their abusers and looking for ways that they could do it without getting caught.
I’m hopeful that soon, I’ll be financially able to leave my situation.
