Even though Daario is primarily drawn to Dany for her power, which of course means his affection for her is superficial, I actually find the fact that he's attracted by how powerful she is, not frightened or threatened by it, to be pretty nice in the context of the ASOIAF world. Am I the only one? I mostly only see criticisms of Daario and his relationship with Dany, and while their being together definitely has questionable aspects, what I mentioned is something I like about it.
Iâm glad you sent me this, because itâs giving me the perfect excuse to write a defense post about Dany x Daario. I mean, Iâm not saying Daario is the ideal guy, Iâm not even saying heâs a good guy, but I honestly think people in the fandom donât appreciate certain aspects of Dany and Daarioâs relationship, and that the hate against Daario is kind of undeserved.
One of the unappreciated positive aspects of their relationship is the one you mentioned. He likes Danyâs power, he doesnât feel threatened by it. But it goes beyond that: Daario actively encourages Dany to keep her power, and warns her when sheâs in danger of losing it:
Daario shrugged. âMost queens have no purpose but to warm some kingâs bed and pop out sons for him. If thatâs the sort of queen you mean to be, best marry Hizdahr.â - Daenerys IV ADWD
In a society in which women are seen as broodmares, in which queens are never rulers in their own right but mere consorts, Daario warns Dany against the dangers of losing her power and agency in her marriage to Hizdahr (and heâs right about it, Dany steadily starts losing her agency). He wants her to be queen in her own right, not a queen in the shadow of a man, just popping out sons for him (though, of course, some of his dislike of Danyâs marriage is jealousy). I think itâs pretty awesome that a guy in their society actually values Danyâs power, instead of being threatened by it like other men. Men in this story call Dany arrogant, mad, and they underestimate her. Daario is not like that.
Not only he warns Dany about losing her power and agency, he also reminds Dany of her responsibilities as queen:
Dany threw a pillow at him. âYou will leave Hizdahr be!â
âAs my queen commands. Will you hold court today?â
âNo. On the morrow I will be a woman wed, and Hizdahr will be king. Let him hold court. These are his people.â
âSome are his, some are yours. The ones you freed.â
âAre you chiding me?â
âThe ones you call your children. They want their mother.â
âYou are. You are chiding me.â
âOnly a little, bright heart. Will you come hold court?â
âAfter my wedding, perhaps. After the peace.â
âThis after that you speak of never comes. You should hold court. My new men do not believe that you are real. The ones who came over from the Windblown. Bred and born in Westeros, most of them, full of tales about Targaryens. They want to see one with their own eyes. The Frog has a gift for you.â - Daenerys VII ADWD
Dany is usually very mindful of her duty and holds court (Dany would gladly have sent the rest of the petitioners away ⌠but she was still their queen, so she heard them out and did her best to give them justice. - Daenerys III ADWD), but at this point in ADWD, she feels disillusioned, and more and more, she makes compromises with slavers in the name of peace. She is feeling defeated, and no longer even wants to hold court. So when Dany tries to push aside her responsibilities by letting Hizdahr take over and hold court, Daario reminds her that she has her own people, all the people that she freed, all the people that rely on her. I think thatâs pretty great, and this is why I canât really see Daario as this completely selfish sellsword that doesnât have any morals, or that doesnât care about Dany or her ideals. At least here, he seems to care about her and her ideals, he seems to believe in her fight against slavery. Heâs reminding her of her responsibilities to her people, and heâs once again warning Dany about the dangers of giving Hizdahr too much power. After all, not only Hizdahr is a man and threatens her because sheâs a woman, he also doesnât hold the best interests of the freedmen at heart, and could be a danger to Danyâs people.
Daario also gives Dany advice. Which is not to say that his advice is always the best. He advises Dany to use unnecessary violence, and Dany herself thinks heâs a monster. But itâs not like he never has a point:
âYou are fighting shadows when you should be fighting the men who cast them,â Daario went on. âKill them all and take their treasures, I say. Whisper the command, and your Daario will make you a pile of their heads taller than this pyramid.â - Daenerys IV ADWD
While Dany doesnât need to kill everyone like Daario suggests, his advice about taking the mastersâ wealth is a good one. Dany had already taken the wealth of some slave masters (the Zhaks and Merreqs) when they decided to leave the city, but since Dany is trying to be moderate, she doesnât do it enough. Daario here is advising her to be less moderate, to follow through on her revolution, which is a good advice.
There are also some other positive aspects in their relationship. Daario cares about her, tries to spare Dany from having to see the crucified children, gives her flowers, and makes her laugh:
The Great Masters of Meereen had withdrawn before Danyâs advance, harvesting all they could and burning what they could not harvest. Scorched fields and poisoned wells had greeted her at every hand. Worst of all, they had nailed a slave child up on every milepost along the coast road from Yunkai, nailed them up still living with their entrails hanging out and one arm always outstretched to point the way to Meereen. Leading her van, Daario had given orders for the children to be taken down before Dany had to see them, but she had countermanded him as soon as she was told. âI will see them,â she said. âI will see every one, and count them, and look upon their faces. And I will remember.â - Daenerys V ASOS
On the road from Yunkai, Daario had brought her a flower or a sprig of some plant every evening when he made his report ⌠to help her learn the land, he said. Waspwillow, dusky roses, wild mint, ladyâs lace, daggerleaf, broom, prickly ben, harpyâs gold ⌠He tried to spare me the sight of the dead children too. He should not have done that, but he meant it kindly. And Daario Naharis made her laugh, which Ser Jorah never did. - Daenerys V ASOS
Daario makes her feel free, feel more like herself:
The carcass was too heavy for him to bear back to his lair, so Drogon consumed his kill there, tearing at the charred flesh as the grasses burned around them, the air thick with drifting smoke and the smell of burnt horsehair. Dany, starved, slid off his back and ate with him, ripping chunks of smoking meat from the dead horse with bare, burned hands. In Meereen I was a queen in silk, nibbling on stuffed dates and honeyed lamb, she remembered. What would my noble husband think if he could see me now? Hizdahr would be horrified, no doubt. But Daario âŚ
Daario would laugh, carve off a hunk of horsemeat with his arakh, and squat down to eat beside her. - Daenerys X ADWD
Daario is Danyâs first consensual relationship. For the first time, she has agency, and they only kiss and have sex after Dany asks him to. And Dany seems to be more sexually satisfied with him than she has ever been:
That night Daario had her every way a man can have a woman, and she gave herself to him willingly. The last time, as the sun was coming up, she used her mouth to make him hard again, as Doreah had taught her long ago, then rode him so wildly that his wound began to bleed again, and for one sweet heartbeat she could not tell whether he was inside of her, or her inside of him. - Daenerys VII ADWD
Will Hizdahr ever make me scream? âIt was the wind that you heard screaming.â She took a bite, but the fruit had lost its savor now that Daario was gone. - Daenerys VII ADWD
She says he brought her back to life, and dreams of a simple life with him:
In her dream they had been man and wife, simple folk who lived a simple life in a tall stone house with a red door. In her dream he had been kissing her all overâher mouth, her neck, her breasts. - Daenerys II ADWD
If I could, I would. Khal Drogo had been her sun-and-stars, but he had been dead so long that Daenerys had almost forgotten how it felt to love and be loved. Daario had helped her to remember. I was dead and he brought me back to life. - Daenerys VII ADWD
Finally, itâs not even a fact that Daario only cares about Dany because of her power. This is only what Dany thinks:
I would give up my crown if he asked it of me, Dany thought ⌠but he had not asked it, and never would. Daario might whisper words of love when the two of them were as one, but she knew it was the dragon queen he loved. If I gave up my crown, he would not want me. - Daenerys VII ADWD
Dany is not naive, and keeps reminding herself about how sellswords are treacherous and dangerous. So here, she thinks that Daario wouldnât want her if she wasnât the dragon queen. But is this really true? Sure, Daario is impressed by Danyâs power, but so far, he hasnât betrayed her. When Dany sends him away after they have a fight, he remains loyal to her and obeys her commands. When she was in a weakened position, under siege by Yunkai, and Brown Ben Plumm betrays her and goes to the side of the Yunkai'i, Daario doesnât betray her. He remains by her side when she decides to marry Hizdahr, and he even agrees to be a hostage when Dany is negotiating peace with Yunkai. So even after Dany starts losing power and being defeated, Daario remains loyal to her. So I do think he cares about her. Maybe Iâm wrong, maybe heâll betray Dany in the next books, but so far, I really see no reason to believe that.
I can see why some people would not like Daarioâs attitude. He brags about sleeping with a thousand women, and he also brags about sleeping with Dany. But honestly? Dany doesnât care:
âA hundred?â Daario chuckled through his purple beard. âI lied, sweet queen. It was a thousand. But never once a dragon.â
She raised her lips to his. âWhat are you waiting for?â - Daenerys VI ADWD
Dany hears Daario boasting about this, and she still doesnât care, still wants to be with him. And at least Daario is honest with her (Iâm sure he is exaggerating the numbers, but heâs not lying about the kind of man he is). And he compliments her, tells her how she is great, how sheâs a dragon.
She wondered if her captainâs blades still hung upon the wall beside her bed, waiting for Daario to return and claim them. âI will leave my girls with you,â he had said. âKeep them safe for me, beloved.â And she wondered how much the Yunkai'i knew about what her captain meant to her. She had asked Ser Barristan that question the afternoon the hostages went forth. âThey will have heard the talk,â he had replied. âNaharis may even have boasted of Your Graceâs ⌠of your great ⌠regard ⌠for him. If you will forgive my saying so, modesty is not one of the captainâs virtues. He takes great pride in his ⌠his swordsmanship.â
He boasts of bedding me, you mean. But Daario would not have been so foolish as to make such a boast amongst her enemies. It makes no matter. By now the Yunkai'i will be marching home. That was why she had done all that she had done. For peace. - Daenerys X ADWD
When Daario brags about sleeping with her, Danyâs reaction isnât outrage that he is sullying her honor or anything like that. In fact, Dany is a person that doesnât care too much about propriety. When one of her Unsullied is killed, she gets up in the middle of the night dressed in almost nothing because she thinks itâs her duty to see him, because he died for her. She has little problem with nudity. And here, she doesnât seem to have a problem with Daario boasting either. Sheâs more concerned about the political problems that this might cause than she is about her personal honor. I get that some readers might think itâs disrespectful, that he thinks of Dany as a conquest, and that if they were in Danyâs place, they would be offended by Daarioâs actions. But Dany herself doesnât give two shits.
So in the end, what Iâm saying isnât that Daario is a perfect guy. He boasts about sleeping with Dany, he acts jealous when Quentyn arrives, he acts jealous about Hizdahr, and sometimes gives her some really violent advice. But he also seems to care about her, tries to spare her from seeing the dead children, gives her flowers, makes her feel happy and free, compliments her, remains loyal to her even after others betray her, reminds her of her duties to her people, seems to care about Danyâs ideals and her fight against slavery, and respects her consent, power and agency. So even if Daario isnât what many would consider to be the ideal guy, I still think the relationship between Dany and Daario is very underappreciated and that some of the hate against Daario is undeserved.
