[Chapter 293]
Rereading Turning time and time again always made it clear how wide the gap between Yuder and Kishiar was in the 1st timeline. I've read the webnovel mostly in a mindset where the results of the characters' decisions mattered, but I regret not thinking more of the devastating reality of Kishiyu's relationship in the 1st timeline.
In particular, Yuder's idolization of Kishiar and how much bias there was in how he saw Kishiar.
[Note: This is my opinion derived from my own interpretation/understanding of Turning. Anyone can disagree and have a different opinion from mine, so no hate please. Thank you!]
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Their differences in status was the first thing setting them apart. Kishiar was raised with the idea that death is inevitable for him, but not so for the people he cares about. To him, they matter than he does because they have the reality of living a full life. He lived to serve and protect the people he loves and the citizens of Orr. But because of his status as royalty and his life rife with political machinations, harmful rhetoric, and life-threatening danger, he experiences life very differently compared to an ordinary person. Yet, he's human.
Yuder on the other hand, is a commoner who lived a largely unremarkable life. The main thing that differentiates commoners from the nobility isn't just status, but also their approach to their lives.
Nobles mostly live lavishly and splendidly with their many riches and large homes, getting to eat full meals and have servants handle menial chores. Commoners meanwhile focus on surviving another day. Their lives, to them, are finite because of how dangerous living is. Monsters could appear, people with ill-intent might harm or rob them blind, or those with power could force them into doing things they don't want to.
This was basically Yuder's line of thinking all his life in the 1st timeline. To a commoner, the world where nobles lived in couldn't be farther from his life as an ordinary citizen. Despite this, he inherited power far beyond what the world was ready to accept, and in the process met one of those nobles – Kishiar, a Duke and the second prince of Orr.
For Yuder, Kishiar was not like him. Kishiar is a man who stands above him in every capacity because of his status. Commoners wouldn't think to question those of noble status not just because their station is above theirs, but because nobles are volatile in regular peoples' eyes. If you anger or snub them, whether you did or not, you're as good as dead or wrung dry of your livelihood. Though Kishiar tried to prove himself different from the rest of the nobles, this didn't change how Yuder saw him.
This image of Kishiar in Yuder's mind, at this point in time, was that of a person deemed untouchable. To be placed at a distance and regarded as a superior that he must obey without question. But this general view on Kishiar the duke was challenged when they actually met one-on-one. Here, Yuder got a taste of Kishiar the strategist rather than the far-away duke.
Yuder regarded this side of Kishiar still at a distance, but a bit closer. He recognized how helpful Kishiar was, how the man was willing to give him advice on his swordsmanship and encouraged him. This incident made them close as time went on, as Yuder continued to train and Kishiar continues to watch and give him pointers. It brought them closer, but Yuder still saw a line between them that made him see Kishiar as a person above him. Not a person, just a superior who he began to like being around. A commander who actually cared about him, his development, and his interest in the sword.
But this didn't change the fact that Kishiar had been weakened significantly in all manner of the word. His vessel was broken beyond what was imaginable, his second chance was ripped away from him so cruelly, and his plans to remedy his country and help the people he cares about was now in shambles. This sorry state is what led Yuder to see Kishiar in his most vulnerable; at least, in the capacity in which Kishiar could show him.
This, as we know, didn't leave Yuder the most positive impression of Kishiar. In this period of their life, Yuder was seeing Kishiar the duke again, but now, he started believing in the rumors surrounding Kishiar. How the man was a womanizer, a sickly and weak person who disregarded things that were actually important, and is vapid and shallow. This outlook began in its entirety when Kishiar announced that he's stepping down as commander and that he appointed Yuder as his successor.
Though it started in small things like Kishiar's stern and unrelenting stance against Yuder's desire for punishment when the latter had been severely injured during the monster subjugation mission, Yuder being appointed as the second commander and Kishiar stepping away from his own command fed into Yuder's doubts and unfortunately made him think that the rumors surrounding Kishiar had an inkling of truth.
Yuder, in this time, basically equated Kishiar on the same level as the other nobles. Uncaring for the common folk and indulge in their own riches. He thought Kishiar to be a flippant man who does whatever he wants, never giving a thought to the inconveniences he caused others.
The times Kishiar slipped into the commander's office long after Yuder had taken the position? That's Kishiar wanting to tease Yuder and do whatever he desired despite the many hostile eyes on him. Him playing tactical games with Yuder even though it never piqued Yuder's interest? Kishiar is being confusing again, with little regard to Yuder's time.
Yuder couldn't reconcile the Kishiar he knew before to the Kishiar now (around this time). To him, Kishiar had always been a person that was above Yuder. Someone he couldn't understand, someone who was a noble, someone who was not a normal person.
This disconnect and bias was born from the difference between commoners and nobility, transforming into something more complicated and twisted when it came to his relationship with Kishiar. To him, Kishiar was not like him. Kishiar had status that meant a comfortable life, where the man didn't have to worry about living uncomfortably unlike Yuder.
But now, this viewpoint is challenged once again in the 2nd timeline. Where Yuder is confronted with the fact that the man he had idolized and placed on such a high pedestal was nothing more than an ordinary person.
It's kind of poignant, with how Yuder came to this realization after so many years of believing Kishiar to be this cruel, unfeeling and powerful figure that had a cold judgement befitting a commander yet is a noble who couldn't care less about his responsibilities and what matters.
Yuder's image of Kishiar in his head up until now has always been such a complicated mess, not just because of the events that occured to have changed how he viewed Kishiar, but also because of societal bias and Yuder's own belief on Kishiar's whole life.
Being a noble meant a life filled with comfort and all the necessities needed. It was all about excess, where the nobility get to indulge in abundance and never had to worry about people like Yuder. But because Yuder had this bias of the difference between commoners and nobles, as well as his shifting impression on Kishiar, he failed to see the humanity within Kishiar.
All the versions Yuder had of Kishiar in his head, no matter how polarizing they are from each other, all had one thing in common; their lack of individuality as a human. It's only in chapter 293 that Yuder understood that Kishiar is not some mysterious and mature man who was difficult to handle or get a read on.
Kishiar is just like Yuder. Merely a human.
