You could say that after the past 2-3 years I've become someone more reserved, many events have contributed to this change in lifestyle and to this day I myself find it interesting when I see people are surprised to hear from me, it comes from a preconceived idea that if you can't hear from someone it must mean they aren't doing much, which isn't always wrong.
In my defense- and I really want to defend myself from any claim that would call me a bum, all of the progress I've made lately seems rather personal, instead of competing and facing others, I keep on challenging myself, this doesn't explain my complete and total lack of public sharing of my artistic endeavors, that is me being a perfectionist...that's what I tell myself anyway
These past 9 months have been a complete 180 from what I'm used to, in probably, every single way possible. I've become far more confident in my music skills, to the point I could remake everything I've put out and put my past self to shame, she would hate me for it but I can't get around to hating her for posting those covers, it's the best she could do at the time after all.
But I did mention these past 2 to 3 years, it makes it seem like there was some kind of big event that changed my way of life and while to some degree this is true, I'd attribute my newfound happiness to someone and my change in lifestyle to many things, perhaps I'm simply not made to push change in a big place and I do better with individual cases, it's probably also why I ended up choosing psychology instead of law, right? I mean, if I had to face my own troublesome nature in my job everyday that a big lawsuit came then I probably wouldn't find a single case for me after the first 3-4... in all honesty even some individual cases can be pretty complicated, it's all very subjective and if you don't have the knowledge required you will have to look for it somewhere else, ask for help to different forces and so.
Anyway, part of this also comes down to the idea that life is much simpler like this, not necessarily easy, I don't think life will never be easy for some people but it can be quite gratifying. Yet, I haven't landed myself in a miserable situation, which seems to be one of my biggest talents throughout every story ever written so... I'll be preparing a celebration where me and my wife eat some nice food, just to celebrate how much better I've become at not falling into telegraphed endless pits.
I can say with a pretty satisfying sound to my voice that I'm quite proud of myself for these past few months, perhaps I haven't become a well rounded person yet but I am walking somewhere I choose to go, my studies are going well, my music is going well, it almost seems unfair to the me that went through the events that got us here, the bad ones, to clarify.
I mean, no 18 year old should move like a knight, that's more of what a 20 year old should do, but life is easy to put you in situations you have to figure out on your own..and when I mean on your own, it really becomes that.
After all, no one saved me from those moments and no one had to or should've, saving myself is always going to be the most helpful thing I've done since that one time I figured out the secret behind Magma's big bar of doom and despair.
Yes, it's not like people are saved by others, at least not in the way you think so, and yes, it is true that I've saved one person, but the number is one and my track record is everything but clean, after all one success compared to every single failure in the past and future clearly shows that I can't do it every single time....it doesn't bother me as much as you'd think
Sometimes lending a hand is enough, if they ask for one, that is
And one time, that one time, my one time, saving you was right about perfect, I'd do it again
Sorry, I love getting cheesy, it just so happens I've always been a fan of eating cheese and wine while I watch a movie, is that what a rich kid would say?
Looking back on the title, perhaps, the idea behind putting hand to keyboard, is that I keep seeing people with my name talk about their life but I've never seen one like me, in that sense....maybe...having many tachyons is fine, because I'll never see eye to eye with any of them
It's a conclusion I've reached before, I'm quite happy with being so different, all of us being different from each other, if two of us aren't so different I'd be worried, it would mean somewhere in the way we got lost and relied on something invisible...
To rely on something invisible is not necessarily wrong, something invisible has saved my ass countless times (more than I'm willing to admit and so many, in fact, that I believe it makes me into a less trustworthy person), so maybe there are just endless types of invisible things
I remember I once read about a broken, how every piece reflected something you wish you could leave behind, during that time I mentioned how you could just put some pieces apart, after all, the mirror is yours but a skewed reflection will always be misleading, what if instead of rebuilding the broken mirror we simply made smaller mirrors to carry around in our purses? There's probably one for each situation...maybe, just for once, we can make glasses with these shards and if you put them on, you'll see nothing but yourself
I've feared the mirror lately, not necessarily me but I know the reflection has, and such is the irony of life, a cycle.
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