A Conversation About Witchcraft.
Can I do witchcraft if I’m __________?
But what if [Angry Voice On the Internet] says I have to look like this or have that sexuality or live in that place or have that ancestry in order to do it?
Don’t talk to that person.
But what it they’re right?
Find out firsthand by doing. Also, don’t talk to that person.
But I’m afraid. What about the Law of Threefold Return? Spell blowback? Bad karma?
Find out firsthand by doing. And learn the difference between witchcraft as a field and Wicca as a set of beliefs and practices within that field.
But I don’t want to make a mistake a blow my head off!
You won’t. But you will make mistakes. There is no way not to. The answer: find out firsthand by doing.
But what if I don’t have a castle turret, fancy elemental tools, or even a big altar with a ton of crystals and statues on it?
You have not engaged in magical interior decorating and hobby collecting, I guess. What were you asking, again?
Maybe what I’m trying to say is that I don’t look or feel very witchy. I’ve been watching Esmeralda the SexWitch on YouTube, you know? She lives in this tower in a forest outside Salem and has a black cat named Juniper. And she spends her time taking lavender baths and doing her makeup and vibing with the spirits and practicing grimoire decoupage and she’s really gorgeous and has 90,000 online followers and her life is perfect.
Cool. When I was a kid, I wanted to be Batman. Batman and Esmeralda the YouTube SexWitch are probably dating right now. Do you even realize how many followers Batman has? Have you looked at his Instagram?
But I’m sad. I think I’ve been cursed. I mean, how do I know if I’ve been cursed?
If you are cursed, you will know. It’s like having a thorn bush shoved up your ass at a particular speed. It’s unmistakable. The first and only thing you’ll want to do in that case is extract the thorn bush. If you walk around wondering, “Do I have a thorn bush being shoved up my ass or not?” Chances are, you don’t.
Being sad often comes with being sensitive. Being sensitive often comes with being a witch (or being drawn to witchcraft). If you do your witch stuff, you will usually be less sad but more sensitive—unless, of course, you are clinically depressed, in which case, you have a medical condition that needs to be addressed by things in addition to witchcraft (like mental health services).
But I don’t have health insurance.
This isn’t a witchcraft problem. This is a Donald Trump problem.
But Covid-19 is violating humanity and I’ve been told I can’t leave the house. Why can’t I do witchcraft and make it all go away / better?
Find out firsthand by doing. Witchcraft usually helps us see that we are part of the world, not separate from it, and that all things are connected. The same power that gives us witchcraft gives us diseases and suffering and war and death. If you accept your connectedness to the craft and things that you want, you inherently accept your connectedness to things you don’t want. It doesn’t mean you have to throw your hands up and suffer. It means you will always have struggles and problems; you are not all-powerful; and some things are too embedded in life for a single witch to change overnight. But if you learn divination, you will be able to see what can be changed through witchcraft and what cannot. Of course, the simple answer is: find out firsthand by doing.
But tarot’s too complicated.
But I think the pendulum lies sometimes.
It lies as much as the tarot, which is to say, as much as you lie to yourself.
But my mother thinks I’m worshiping Satan.
I think your mother is worshiping Satan.
But I don’t know if any of this is real or if I’m just deluding myself. Everybody on Tumblr seems so confident.
Find out firsthand by doing. Insecurity and self-doubt are more contagious than coronavirus. The only way to reduce insecurity (especially spiritual insecurity) is through firsthand experience.
But what about that witchy subscription box? It’s only $100 USD per month and I get five different sticks of incense and a tarot card with every order?
Sure, sure, that sounds grand. But try this: take an online critical thinking course first. Then sign up for all the witchy subscription services you want.
But what about The Mystical Witch Coven Academy of the Enchanted Forest? It’s only $100 USD per month and I get five different sticks of incense and a tarot card with every initiation?
I will initiate you right now. Boom. There, I did it. Did you feel the power? Now take your ass to the dollar store and get a pack of incense and a Rider-Waite deck. Now you’re ready, my child.
But when will I truly be a witch?
When you stop asking that question.
dededos
snowghoul
kaledo-art
pixelskylines
baratheonpilled
yousharknotpass
