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When I ask my AI for a quick refactor and the diff shows 200 changed files

When I run my test and the function it targets is still completely empty

When prod on our most critical project goes down right as my coworker's on vacation

When I fix a bug in two lines and the review first asks me to write a test for the two lines

When I spend half a day clearing a warning that everybody was living with just fine

When I estimate a task at two hours and the first one goes to recovering my expired credentials

When I spin the project back up after four days off and nothing starts for no reason

When the coffee machine breaks down on the exact morning of the deploy

When I ask the client for a test environment and he hands me prod access saying it's the same thing

When the rollback goes way smoother than the entire deployment

When I find out the most critical function in the app has not a single test behind it

When I hunt a bug all morning and it only shows up on my boss's machine

When the designer asks why his favorite font doesn't show for visitors who don't have it

When I politely flag that the "Pay" button is broken and the only reply is a thumbs-up emoji

When the PO turns an offhand comment I made at the coffee machine into a commitment logged in the sprint

When I click "request changes" on a review and the author of the code is my boss

When I message a coworker about an emergency and his status says "back in three weeks"

The coding love