Disasterpiece Theatre

Bringing you the worst of wrestling, as determined by the fine people at /wooo/

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Wrestler Profile #5: Michael Cole

Name: Michael Cole

Also Known As: MAGGLE

Debut: 1997

Famous For Working In: WWF/E

Collection Matches: 2 (Entry #15 vs. John Cena, Entry #19 vs. Jerry Lawler)

Accolades: WON Worst Gimmick of the Year 2011 (Heel Commentator), 5-Time WON Worst Commentator of the Year (2001, 2009-2012)

Michael Cole is not a wrestler and that is why he is here. Cole isn't a stranger to getting in the ring as an angle, like to get beat up by a heel. However the recent reasons why he is in the Disasterpiece is because of his heel turn and focus on him getting in the ring to have terrible time wasting matches. There are matches where he gets put over actual wrestlers and legends, like Jerry Lawler, and him getting destroyed by John Cena in an exact mirror of similar match Cena had before with a non-wrestler. That we have had to sit through his "matches" is the main reason that he is in the Disasterpiece.

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Entry #19: Jerry Lawler vs. Michael Cole

Promotion and Event: WWE Wrestlemania 27

Date: 4/3/2011

Match Type: Special Guest Referee Match with Steve Austin as referee

Link: Part 1 (x) Part 2 (x)

On paper this match sounds like a one sided squash which would be rightful with the build up. Michael Cole was The Miz's biggest fan and kept running his mouth as a heel commentator. Originally he just loved Miz and hated Daniel Bryan but it quickly spilled out of control. Lawler was supposed to be the voice of reason but eventually Miz targeted Lawler so Lawler went to take on Miz for his WWE Championship two different times. Cole caused him the title both times and then degraded Lawler night after night. At some point Cole made fun of Lawler's recently deceased mother and got Jack Swagger involved in the fight. Swagger trained Cole for the eventual Wrestlemania match, so Cole had this match in the bag until Steve Austin was announced as the guest referee. Come the match Michael Cole beats on Lawler for ten minutes. For 10 minutes Lawler, the legendary professional wrestler, gets his ass handed to him by a non-wrestler. Austin gets involved and eventually Lawler submits Cole with his own ankle lock from Swagger. That sounds all good and happy ending, but no the Anonymous Raw GM chimes in and DQs Lawler after the match rewarding it to Cole making it completely pointless. 

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Wrestler Profile #4: Ric Flair

Name: Ric Flair

Also Known As: The Nature Boy, The Black Scorpion

Debut: 1972

Famous For Working In: NWA, WCW, WWF/WWE, TNA

Collection Matches: 2 (Entry #14 vs Hulk Hogan, Entry #18 w/ Alliance to End Hulkamania vs. Mega Powers)

Accolades: 10-Time NWA World Heavyweight Champion, 8-Time WCW World Heavyweight Champion, 2-Time WWF Champion, 2-Time WCW International World Heavyweight Champion, 6-Time WCW United States Champion, 3-Time WCW World Tag Team Champion (twice with Greg Valentine, once with Blackjack Mulligan), 3-Time WWE World Tag Team Champion (twice with Batista, once with Roddy Piper), WWF Royal Rumble Winner (1992), Professional Wrestling Hall of Fame (2006), WON Hall of Fame (1996), WWE Hall of Fame (2008 and 2012 with Four Horsemen), 4 WON Matches of the Year (1983, 1986, 1988, & 1989), 7 Dave Meltzer Five-Star Matches, WON Worst Worked Match of the Year (1996 with the Alliance to End Hulkamania vs. The Mega Powers)

Ric Flair is probably a victim of poor booking than anything for ending up in the Disasterpiece Theatre. The man has a legendary career from the NWA, WCW, and WWF. Maybe the most well known for his work in the NWA and WCW where he had multiple 5 star matches and Matches of the Year. 

However it was probably his faithfulness to the WCW that caused him to end up in here. In the 90s Hulk Hogan came to WCW and he reigned supreme over everyone in WCW being put over others and having others forced into terrible storylines about him. Flair was the top heel of WCW and a recognizable face and was set head to head with Hogan multiple times. Almost all these matches were over booked messes like the Doomsday Cage match and the Yappapi Strap match. Flair stayed clinging to the WCW ship as it sank with WWF buying it out.

Flair then returned to the WWF years after his short run in 1992 as an authority figure. He had something of a career resurgence and a comeback and was a real good midcard act putting wrestlers over and cutting great promos. Flair was getting inducted into the WWE Hall of Fame and had "one last match" that was amazing. However Flair needed money for multiple divorces and ended up leaving to TNA and kind of making a joke of all good will he had done. Down a shell of his former self WWE constantly trots him out at the worst times in his life.

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Entry #18: The Mega Powers vs. The Alliance to End Hulkamania

Promotion and Event: WCW Uncensored 1996

Date: 3/23/1996

Match Type: Doomsday Cage Match

Link: (x)

Once Hulk Hogan joined WCW there were many people who hated him from his past that either were in WCW already or were about to join WCW. These people formed the Dungeon of Doom, led by Kevin Sullivan aka The Taskmaster. Taskmaster then employed the likes of Meng and the Barbarian, The Shark(Earthquake from WWF), The Giant(Big Show who was the Son of Andre the Giant), Kamala, The Zodiac(Brutus Beefcake), and The Yeti(A Mummy and also a Ninja). In this match Taskmaster needed more help beyond his Dungeon of misfits, so with him, Meng, and Barbarian he got the help of the Four Horsemen, Ric Flair, Arn Anderson, and Lex Luger. However he needed more, he dug up a dark secret from Hogan's past in Z-Gangsta(Zeus from the No Holds Barred movie) and the FINAL SOLUTION! Final Solution was Jeep Swanson a big dude who would go on to play the cartoon Bane in Batman and Robin. Anyway Final Solution was also a code name for the Holocaust and WCW quickly changed him to the Ultimate Solution. Hogan needed to even the sides so he got the help of his old friend, Macho Man Randy Savage. That's right it was going to be a two on eight match, however this needed something dramatic so enter the Doomsday Cage match. Three full sized cages stacked on top of each other around a second ring along with scaffolding, at the top of the entrance way to the normal ring. Hogan and Savage would have to fight their way from the top to the bottom just to pin a wrestler at the last level. What happened was a bunch of terrible brawling in a match that no one could see which in the end involved a run in and turn.

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Entry #17: Mike Levy vs. Mickie Knuckles

Promotion and Event: IWA Mid-South Queen of the Deathmatch 2008

Date: 6/21/2008

Match Type: Semi-Final Round Fans Bring the Weapons Match

Link: (x)

Mike Levy is a backyard wrestler who had a MySpace in 2008 annoyed the shit out of promoter and scumbag Ian Rotten. Ian Rotten then booked him for the 2008 Queen of Deathmatch against his then girlfriend Mickie Knuckles. Mickie had just debuted in TNA as Moose Knuckles a hardcore redneck to oppose fellow white trash-like Knockouts Roxxi and ODB. In the death match Levy and Mickie stiff each other because neither knows how to work. Mickie cries to her boyfriend after the match because she got a big welt on her forehead and had an iMPACT! taping to do soon. So then a bunch of pro wrestlers and Ian's young son "shoot" beat down Mike Levy with death match weapons and stiff kicks while shouting "Stay down!" and "Learn to sell motherfucker!" Mickie Knuckles then goes on to do a stupid dive on Sara Del Rey a few weeks and breaks her leg as bad as Sid did during that WCW match, you know the one. In the end Mickie lost her contract with TNA because she injured herself anyway and Mike Levy went on to work for IWA again in the future because this was all maybe a work. Or a worked shoot brother.

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Entry #16: Latin American Xchange(c) vs. Team 3D

Promotion and Event: TNA Lockdown 2007

Date: 4/15/2007

Match Type: Electrified Six Sides of Steel Match for the NWA Tag Team Titles

Link: (x)

Latin American Xchange, or LAX as they were frequently called, were one of the hottest tag teams in TNA history. At this point they are young up and comers who won the NWA Tag Team Titles. Their opponents in this match are Team 3D, the Former Dudley Boyz, whose gimmick at this time was that they were the best tag team in history and held the ECW, WWE, and WCW Tag Team Titles and they set their sights on the NWA titles. Team 3D proves this point by coming to the ring with all three belts while Mike Tenay and Don West put over WCW, ECW, and the WWE. TNA was really bad at doing this at this time. Now for the obvious elephant in the room, an Electrified Cage Match is extremely dangerous and impossible to pull off in real life. This match was gimmicked to hell to cover up the fact that you can't possibly do this in real life without killing a man. How does TNA cover this up? By dimming the light to a light blue hue and flickering off that light while electric sounds play over the sound system. If that sounds bad, how about the fact that the wrestlers and the production team obvious ignore the gimmick most the match with wrestlers touching the cage multiple times with the flickering only happening in the end. If the nonsense gimmick doesn't do it for you the match is mostly uninspired brawling with two high spots in it. What a shocking entry.

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I want to apologize for not updating this regularly with the Theatre's backlog. Things have been busy, however I have found links for the Hogan vs Flair Yappapi Strap Match . I am working an update or two right now. If you notice any links down please send a message to me and I'll try looking for a replacement. Ok?

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Wrestler Profile #3: John Cena

Name: John Cena

Also Known As: The Prototype

Debut: 1999

Famous For Working In: WWE

Collection Matches: 2 (Entry #13 vs John Lauriniatus, Entry #15 vs Michael Cole)

Accolades: 12-Time WWE Champion, 3-Time World Heavyweight Champion, 3-Time WWE United States Champion, 2-Time WWE Tag Team Champion(With Batista and Shawn Michaels), 2-Time WWE World Tag Team Champion(With The Miz and David Otunga), 2-Time Royal Rumble Winner(2008,2013), Money in the Bank Holder(2012), OVW Heavyweight Champion, WON Match of the Year (2011, vs CM Punk) WON Hall of Fame (2012), 1 Dave Meltzer 5-Star Match (vs CM Punk), WON Worst Feud of the Year (2011, vs Kane), WON Worst Worked Match of the Year (vs John Lauriniatus)

John Cena is probably not the worst wrestler in the Disasterpiece Theatre, however he is more of a victim of the terrible bookings of the WWE. During his time active on the WWE's main roster he's been forced into the lime light at every opportunity. Cena is seen as the second coming of Hulk Hogan by internet fans and never letting other younger wrestlers rise to the occasion. Since the year 2005, 3 years after his debut, he has been a constant factor in WWE's top title picture. 

During Cena's many reigns as champion he's faced the likes of JBL, Shawn Michaels, Triple H, Kurt Angle, Chris Jericho, Kane, Big Show, Mark Henry, The Miz, and The Great Khali. When put in the ring with a wrestler who knows how to go he can hang with the best and put on a good performance, but anyone with talent below him or a terrible gimmick is a cause for a bad match. With that it is interesting to to see that two of his entries in the Disasterpiece involve non-wrestlers in one sided matches. Wether or not his matches are in here solely because of him, or multiple outside reasons, doesn't really matter. In the end of the day John Cena enters the Disasterpiece Theatre along side one of his predecessors in Hulk Hogan.

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Entry #15: John Cena vs. Michael Cole

Promotion and Event: WWE Raw

Date: 6/4/2012

Match Type: No DQ Match

Link: (x)

From 2010 to 2012 the biggest villain in WWE was a heel Michael Cole and his actively terrible commentary that buried every wrestler except for the Miz. At the 2011 Elimination Chamber PPV Michael Cole saved the Miz from losing his WWE Championship to Jerry Lawler, and then did it again during at TLC match on Raw. This began a feud between Lawler and Cole, which dragged Jim Ross into it as well. This feud involved terrible matches and even though Lawler had 1 won out of 3 or so matches, Michael Cole didn't learn his lesson and continued to be a heel. The proper Lawler feud ended at Over the Limit 2011. Come 2012 and John Cena is coming off a win over Brock Lesnar, a loss to Tensai, and a loss to John Laurinaitis, Vince McMahon and Triple H decided to show up on Raw and evaluate Laurinaitis abuse of power and as an apology Cena was able to have a match with Michael Cole. What transpired was basically the same exact match as Cena vs. Johnny Ace plus the addition of stripping Cole to his underwear and pouring JR's BBQ Sauce all over Cole. Sauce It!

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Wrestler Profile #2: Hulk Hogan

Name: Hulk Hogan

Also Known As: “Hollywood" Hulk Hogan, Hollywood Hogan, Thunderlips, Terry Boulder, Sterling Golden, but definitely not Mr. America.

Debut: 1977

Famous For Working In: WWF/WWE, WCW, TNA, AWA, NJPW

Collection Matches: 3 (Entry #8 vs Kevin Nash, Entry #14 vs Ric Flair, Entry #18 w/ Randy Savage vs Alliance to End Hulkamania)

Accolades: 6-Time WWF/WWE Champion, 6-Time WCW Heavyweight Champion, WWE World Tag Team Champion(With Edge), IWGP League Tournament Winner(1983), 2-Time MSG Tag League Tournament Winner(1982 and 1983, both with Antonio Inoki),  2-Time Royal Rumble Winner(1990,1991), WON Hall of Fame (1996), WWE Hall of Fame (2005), 6-Time WON Most Charismatic Worker Award Winner, WON Worst Wrestler Award Winner, 5-Time WON Most Embarrassing Wrestler Award Winnder, 4-Time WON Worst Feud of the Year Award Winner(1991 vs Sgt. Slaughter, 1995 vs The Dungeon of Doom, 1998 vs The Warrior, 2000 vs Billy Kidman), 4-Time Worst Worked Match of the Year Award Winner(1987 vs Andre The Giant, 1996 with Randy Savage vs The Alliance to End Hulkamania, 1997 vs Roddy Piper, 1998 vs The Warrior)

Hulk Hogan is probably the biggest name in Wrestling history. However that name doesn't always go hand in hand with the best parts of wrestling history. While he did pave the way for early major success in WWF with Hulkamania running wild, a lot of that time was hogged by him taking down a rotating cast of wrestlers that were either terrible or much better than him. This also included times where he'd insert himself into the top spot, like defeating WWF Champion Yokozuna after Bret Hart just lost the title to Yokozuna seconds earlier. This also lead to Hogan refusing to lose to people like Bret Hart causing him to leave to the WCW.

By this time Hogan was hated when he joined WCW and he had a good handful of stinker matches that will surely be featured in the Disasterpiece Theatre. Hogan finally saw a breath of fresh air when he turned heel and started the nWo. However the crappy and nonsensical matches didn't stop there and now there was a faction of Hulk Hogan's stealing the spot light from everyone else. The failure to build new stars properly eventually put WCW out of business as it was constant nWo rehashes for years.

Hogan then had a nostalgia run back in the WWF, soon to be WWE, with the nWo. Hollywood Hogan didn't last long in WWE as he soon turned face and became the WWF Champion one last time before getting shuffled down to the midcard. This didn't please Hogan so he left do his own things. Eventually he came back every now and then to be put over by young and talented wrestlers as they did the job for him.

Hogan's last big impact in wrestling would be when he came to TNA and started "the New Monday Night Wars" that TNA instantly lost and went back to Thursdays. Hogan again was the main focus in a formerly exciting and mostly youthful product. A lot of people see Hogan's involvement in TNA the turning point in its major decline. Hogan then came crawling back to the WWE and is now a Legend they like to trot out to promote the WWE Network. 

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Entry #14: Hulk Hogan vs. Ric Flair

Promotion and Event: WCW Uncensored 2000

Date: 3/19/2000

Match Type: Yappapi Indian Strap Match

Link: First here are Hogan's Promos building up the match & a bonus video (x) & (x) Here's Part 1(x) and Part 2(x)

Honestly don't know the build up to this match besides the promos and how hilariously bad they are. A year after Hogan rejoined the nWo he apparently turned face and started sporting the red and yellow in the year 2000 when that gimmick was stale. Before the match starts Hogan does a run in on Sid Vicious vs. Jeff Jarrett for the WCW Championship and leg dropped Jarrett for Sid's victory. Because of this a brawl ensured with Hogan and Sid taking out the Harris Brothers before Scott Steiner returned and smashed Jarrett's guitar over Hogan's back. This lead to Ric Flair coming down and attaching the strap to the unconscious Hogan and begin the match. Unfortunately it didn't end there as what came next was fourteen minutes of boring and slow brawling around the ring from two old men. We'd get two run ins from The Total Package Lex Luger, both men blading for no reason, and two separate pinfall attempts. In fact Hogan wins the strap match by pinning Ric Flair before he touches all four corners. That last part alone is probably why this deserves its place in the Disasterpiece Theatre.

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Entry #13: John Cena vs. John Laurinaitus

Promotion and Event: WWE Over The Limit 2012

Date: 5/20/2012

Match Type: No DQ Match

Link: (x)

John Laurinaitus is a former wrestler known as Johnny Ace whose biggest claim to fame is that he road the coattails of Mitsuharu Misawa and Kenta Kobashi to some great tag team matches in AJPW when it was at its peak of popularity. However since then he became a man behind the scenes and a kind of boogeyman to wrestling fans online. Around Money in the Bank 2011 the man known as Big Johnny would become an on screen character. A sort of real life stooge to Mr. McMahon who kind of stumbled into power and seemed to just mess up and cause other people problems. It wasn't until 2012 when he was actively malicious to wrestlers like CM Punk, Sheamus, and John Cena. His biggest offense to Cena was hiring Tensai and Brock Lesnar to constantly beat up Cena and put him out of action. So at Extreme Rules it was Brock Lesnar vs. John Cena in one of the bloodiest and intense matches at that time. To follow that up the Battle of the Johns took place at Over the Limit in a bad comedy match, in the main event, over the WWE Championship match featuring CM Punk. This seemed to be a running thing where Cena always main evented over Punk even if they were comedic squash matches, like this one. This match then sparked an equally terrible match next month at No Way Out. So because of all that this match takes its rightful place in the Disasterpiece Theatre

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Entry #12: Buff Bagwell vs. Positively Kanyon

Promotion and Event: WCW New Blood Rising 2000

Date: 8/13/2000

Match Type: Judy Bagwell on a Forklift Match

Link: (x)

Yes, a Judy Bagwell on a Forklift match. I guess if you are new to the horrors that were 2000 WCW you would like to know who Judy is. Well its Buff Bagwell's real life mom. Buff was a notorious momma's boy, so much so that not once, but twice, she was involved with angles in WCW. She herself if a former WCW Tag Team Champion in a feud against her son. Now if Positively Kanyon looks obviously familiar, its DDP! It's not? Well yeah I guess it IS Kanyon, who is doing a DDP gimmick. It's weird and sort of played up for laughs. So feast your eyes on not only a terrible gimmick, but what is also a bad match in general.

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Entry #11: Pat Patterson(c) vs. Gerald Brisco

Promotion and Event: WWF King of the Ring 2000

Date: 6/25/2000

Match Type: Hardcore Evening Gown Match for the WWF Hardcore Title

Link: (x)

Back in the glory days of the Attitude Era you couldn't watch an episode of Raw or a PPV without some Hardcore title shenanigans, mostly involving Crash Holly. Anytime the Hardcore champion would show up you wouldn't know what to expect, accept for a run in and an impromptu match, because the WWF Hardcore Title was under 24/7 Rules meaning the belt was always defended. This match came about when Gerald Brisco, a wrestling legend from the NWA and at the time stooge for McMahon, won the title off of Crash Holly. Following a celebration backstage with fellow stooge and wrestling legend Pat Patterson, he was blinded and pinned by Patterson. At some point Patterson was hiding from Brisco in the women's lockerroom being dressed in drag. Brisco felt he had to do the same and they brawled in front of Mr. McMahon who demanded this match happen. Featured in this match is many references to Patterson being gay and a cry for help from JR calling the match. Thumbs up if you want this Attitude Era back!!! 

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Entry #10: Jim Neidhart & King Kong Bundy vs. Jake Roberts & Yokozuna

Promotion and Event: Heroes of Wrestling

Date: 10/10/1999

Match Type: Tag Team Match

Link: (x)

The link above actually starts at Jake Roberts infamous "You wanna play 21" promo. Originally the match was meant to be two separate matches, with Jake Roberts taking on Jim Neidhart and Yokozuna taking on King Kong Bundy. However it became clear that Jake the Snake was in no condition to do anything. During the planned Jake vs. Neidhart match Jake just stumbles around the ring and plays with his snake. Bundy and Yokozuna, along with "Mini Bundy" come out to make it a tag match. Yokozuna is extremely out of shape and would go on to die a year later do to his weight issues. The tag match isn't any better than the singles match and includes the non legal man getting pinned. This is one of the many lows of Roberts career and one of the most infamously terrible wrestling shows in general. If anything deserves its place in the Disasterpiece Theatre, it is this.

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Entry #9: Living Dead Girl vs. Christy Lynn

Promotion and Event: UBW Military Madness

Date: June 16th, 2011

Link: (x)

I will start off with saying that this promotion is called "Ultimate Boneyard Wrestling" which sounds hilariously hardcore. The match takes place in what I can only assume is someones backyard with a "locker room" and stage made up of a bunch of tarps taped together. The two girls in this ring, and I say girls because both look like they have to be under 20, both look like goth rejects. Living Dead Girl looks like she weighs no more than 90lbs soaking wet and isn't dressed to wrestle at all. I'm not even sure these girls ARE wrestlers as none takes place in this "match". There is nothing good in this at all, not even a run in from Clone's Clone can save this mess.

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Entry #8: Kevin Nash(c) vs. Hollywood Hulk Hogan

Promotion and Event: WCW Monday Nitro

Date: January 4th, 1999

Match Type: WCW Heavyweight Championship Match

Link: (x)

Not sure where to start honestly. If you can see the .gif above all these words then you know what this is. It's the infamous Finger Poke of Doom from WCW, that many say was the decline of WCW as a whole. This match lead to the nWo Wolfpac and nWo Hollywood to reunite as one big stable yet again, and this was their way to do it. On top of this earlier in the night was the call by Tony Schiavone where he spoiled the results of Monday Night Raw. In the call he reveals that Mick Foley would win the WWF Championship and that that would "put butts in seats" which it did.