A New Perspective on Family
There's a family I've gotten a chance to know this summer. There are four members: Mom, Dad, Sister, and Brother.
Brother is returning for his fourth year at college. Sister is starting her first year at a different college. Mom is stay-at-home mom... kinda. She keeps active by helping out in church and running errands. Dad is sort of a workaholic, but an incredibly intelligent and kind.
Dad doesn't come home for dinner like he used to. When it's time to eat, Brother and Sister save some food on a plate for when Dad gets home from work, usually around midnight. The dinner table is quiet, both Brother and Sister don't talk to much.
Brother is secretive, usually keeping to himself. He doesn't share his thoughts or troubles like he used to. Seems like he doesn't really want to be close to his family anymore. He usually wont say anything unless someone else starts the conversation.
Ever since he went off to college, Brother has gotten progressively more distant from his family. He has a girlfriend now. Mom and Sister don't particularly like her, but have nothing against her. This is Brother's first girlfriend. He's already mentioning things like marriage.
I think most people can relate back to their first intimate relationship. That feeling of pure joy sometimes blinds us to what is reality, what is best. Perhaps Brother is blind, or maybe he isn't.
I ask Mom what would happen if they got married. Would she stop it? She told me, "no." Buy why? This is her family member, her blood, her only son. Why wouldn't she just say something.
Mom explains: As family, I cannot take something like that away from my son. Brother is old enough to make his own decisions. If in the future, Brother decides he wants to get married to this one, then that's fine. If he wants to stop talking to us, too, then that's fine. As we all get older our priorities change. As much as I may want to, I cannot expect other family members to want the same bond as I do. But whatever happens, I cannot get upset at that person, because I never know when I might need that person's help next time.
How insane. To raise a human being from birth, and just allow him to go off and do his own thing. How often do we all have to make choices like that.
And so I look at my family, Jujubez - a bunch of dancer who have found themselves in the Boston dance scene at one point in their life. As much as we long for the sleepless nights of cyphers and chill talking, that's in the past. It's clear that we aren't a perfect group. We have different agendas, hoping to improve different aspects of our life. Some of us have distanced ourselves more than others. There's been a lot of hate these past two years, but it's okay. We can't all grow in the same direction, but that doesn't mean we can't be family.
