the doe-eyed dreamer

Constantly wallows in existential dread.

[nixscriptum]

the lover’s almanac : part one.

[nixscriptum]

the lovers almanac : part two

[thedoeeyeddreamer]

[thedoeeyeddreamer]

It’s been a long time coming 🎶

[thedoeeyeddreamer]

We had our time and somehow, that was enough.

[thedoeeyeddreamer]

Whatever love I made you feel is yours to keep.

[thedoeeyeddreamer]

This is just one of those sleepless nights that led me here. Endless scrolling on the internet, writing my most random thoughts at this wee hour.

I see that green circle just right beside your profile. Here you are, still the same old night owl I used to know.

What are you up to? Are you also endlessly scrolling to cure that boredom?

Are you distracting yourself from the loneliness creeping up on you, trying to fill the emptiness that is slowly consuming every inch of you?

Trying stop yourself from slipping through the cracks of your own mind, or

Are you hiding from your harrowing fears and troubles?

Are you thinking of me and how we used to be?

I drunkenly typed this very question, the question that burns at the back of my mind, on the message box, my heart wanting to press “send”, but my mind refuses to cooperate. I think I am terrified to hear your answer.

You’re just as coward as I am.

[thedoeeyeddreamer]

Past Lives

Nostalgia pulls like gravity. Difficult to control and resist.

It is deeply human to reminisce. Reminiscing can be a good thing, because it meant you had something good to look back to. Though sometimes, it can be a poison too. Thinking of what-ifs and what-could-have beens can be just as difficult as feeling it the first time.

I don't think we can ever return to the past, because we were entirely two different people at a different time. I can't blame you nor myself for choosing to walk different paths. It was the most rational decision we could make at that time.

And I understand if you choose your present life as I choose mine. I think we are brave enough to confront the reality of our circumstances.

--

This film did a great job of portraying the struggle of letting someone go and finally accepting the consequences, the life that comes after it. You grieve for the life you once lived, realizing that things will never be the same again. Their last scene spent together in silence said so much.

"What if this is a past life as well, and we are already something else to each other in our next life? Who do you think we are back then?"

[thedoeeyeddreamer]

Did you remember our mini bucket list

Where I asked you to write down the things you wanted to do with me

I saw my journal where you wrote it

and decided I would do those things even if you’re out of my life now

I told myself that it didn’t matter, I’d still enjoy it

So tonight, I went out to gaze at the stars and the moon

which we both dearly love

But then, they hid behind the clouds and the rain started to pour

Perhaps they’re lonely because you weren’t with me.

I guess I’ll move on to the next one now.

[aymmgreen]

when a woman asks you twice if you’re sure and they can stop… they’re ten times hotter

[justsomerandomgaynerd]

Sleep with Me

dir. Samantha Lee

[ourchunkysalsa]

evil women reblog if you agree

[lhightening]

[taylorswift]

I can’t begin to express my gratitude to Sadie and Dylan for giving us everything they had in order to tell this story. All Too Well The Short Film is out on YouTube, and showing all week at the AMC 13 theater in NYC. For you, from us.

http://taylor.lnk.to/ATWshortfilm

[thedoeeyeddreamer]

I sped up my bike, ignoring the cramp building up on my legs because you've been running through my head. I wanted to get back to you, and it's now or never.

In a split second, a speed of light caught my eye. I saw you came out and believe me, I felt happy again after wallowing in despair four days ago when you broke up with me.

You covered your mouth, shook your head, and held back your tears as you saw me lying on the ground with no heartbeat.

My head crashed but that's okay...

my memories of you are still intact.

[dailytroye]

and that’s all I wanna do right now

[thedoeeyeddreamer]

So come over now and talk me down...

[thedoeeyeddreamer]

Do you want to take another shot?

You told me once that you liked talking to strangers because everything is hidden by a facade.

You could talk to a stranger about the mundane things going on in your life without the fear of getting judged. No pre-conceived notions about you, about how ordinary, how dark you perceive yourself to be...

Because in the mind and in the eyes of a stranger, you are a clear slate, a pure soul. Never tainted by the cruelty of the world.

And now that we're back to being strangers, do you think you can open up to me once more?

Photo by C.C

January 2018

San Juan Beach, La Union

[thedoeeyeddreamer]

A wave of nostalgia swept over me...

I don’t know why Makati City reminds me so much of you. We used to visit a lot of places, but somehow this one became a sole reminder of you.

I used to walk the streets of Ayala just to meet you after work.

I remember going to Glorietta in a hurry for our first date with sweaty hands and butterflies in my stomach, feeling so excited to see you and be with you. Powerbooks wasn’t replaced yet by another H&M boutique.

I did not mind getting in the crowded bus and enduring the heavy traffic of EDSA because I know seeing you will take away the weariness of my day.

There was one night when we were supposed to meet, but we ended up fighting. You worked overtime and I waited until midnight near your office to see if you’d care to see me and make up.

It was only a matter of time before things went hazy.

This is where I found you.

And this is where I lost you.