what are you, cracked?

@theduchampboy

Trevor DuChamp. Yeah, that DuChamp. 25. "Yeah, by the time we get there, the kid won't even be dead anymore."

2,342 posts

"Don't censor me!" Cam argued, trying to swat Trevor's hands away. "I'm being censored!" No one was paying them any mind, which was exactly how Cam preferred it. He'd never been comfortable with attention, which had honestly been the most nerve wracking part of jumping Trevor in. Everyone knew he was Ace's brother, everyone had expectations, and everyone wanted to give him a clap on the shoulder when it was done. Lingering on the sidelines in their own world was exactly where he wanted to be, and in that moment he was so glad Trevor had joined him. "Line? I don't have lines," he shrugged loosely, "I'm just saying worst comes to worst for you. It's not like I did right by you. Should have though. Reckon I've got a habit of fuckin' a good thing up before it can really bite me in the ass."

As much as the celebration at the tracks was technically for him, he didn’t really know the guys there, and he wasn’t comfortable letting loose around them the way he could with Cam yet. If it weren’t for Cam he wouldn’t have the idea to join in the first place, and he knew he carried the guilt of that, but all he did was plant the seed- ultimately it was Trevor’s decision and his alone, he owned that and all its consequences. “For me?” It took him a second to realize they were still on a scenario he’d completely made up, one where Greg went after the girl he’d been seeing but not exclusively. “Sophia’s… Sophia, but she’s not my girlfriend or anything.” Whenever their failed relationship got brought up in a serious way Trevor usually waved it off, said it was no big deal even if they both knew that wasn’t true. He was about to shrug it off again then thought better of it, figuring they were halfway there already, might as well see it through. “You’ve done right by me every day since. That counts. I.. don’t regret it either, I feel like I got to know you in a new way, if that makes sense.” Meaning what could’ve ruined their friendship only strengthened it. “I bet you’ll work it out with Greg. And even if you don’t, it’s friends over everything else, right. We’re not goin’ anywhere."

"You think you're a white boy of the month type? Yeah, yeah, you're hot, we know you know. Humble fuckin' king over here!" Cam was speaking loudly, not only over the top of the music someone was blasting from somewhere, but because he had definitely tipped into the realm of fucking wasted. "Oh yeah... her too... you two with the nerd kink, I see- I see you and I respect it." Given their general emotional constipation it wasn't like they'd ever really spoken about their failed relationship, ruined by his own hands no less, but Cam had even more faith in Trevor that he would never lose him than he did in Greg. Maybe the three of them were codependent but Cam couldn't say he cared. "Yeah, he's more of a gentle lover. You're too bitey. Hey-" he pointed a warning finger, momentarily concerned, until he remembered it was a joke and started to laugh, then narrowed his eyes again because well... Sophia was exactly Greg's type and it wasn't like he'd ever been into guys outside of Cam... "Well, worst comes to worst, I'm single."

“You said it. Hey-” As if he wasn’t being just as loud, he reached over in an attempt to shush him and instead got into a brief tussle while he tried to cover Cam’s mouth. “Pipe down.” The rest of the greasers were too far gone to pay any attention to them, and Trevor didn’t care anyway, laughter practically erupting from him. “Is that what it is? Fuck.. I guess somebody’s gotta be the smart one.” They depended on each other too much to let anything fuck up their friendship, which was why he didn’t hesitate to cross that line with him, knowing they were at no risk of losing each other. How it ended still sucked obviously but he’d gotten over it, even if he was finding it harder to date now that he had his best friend for comparison. Nobody could top that. He looked at Cam for a moment, brows furrowed, “Worst comes to worst, that’s your line?”

Okay so maybe Trevor wasn't scrawny, nor had he been for a while now. It was just one of those things where Cam had this eternal idea of his friends in a younger, more idealistic state. Now life was catching up with them, and it felt like it was doing so faster for he and Trevor than anyone. Cam teetered in place, laughing at Ace calling Trevor an extra medium. "Aw shit I'm gonna have to have words with him... thinkin' he's the funny brother all of a sudden... Shut up, I don't have a type. Do I? Nah," he shook his head. True, he hadn't been lining Marlo up at all but he still felt swindled somehow that he was into girls. "Same could be said for you, you fucked me too. You both could've said no, but you didn't... Be kinda funny if he left me for you..."

"I hate when he's funny," Trevor kept laughing, head shaking with disapproval. "Yeah you do, you like, y’know.. real white boy of the month types. Eh sometimes you fucked me… That’s cause Greg’s always trying to do what I’m doin’ though. Like I hooked up with Jess way before they dated too.” Of course he didn’t really think Greg was gunning for his sloppy seconds but it was a funny enough coincidence- maybe they were the ones with a type. He was definitely drunk too, his lips a little looser with how he talked about what Cam and him once had. Not that he’d ever shied away from it but everything felt so heavy lately, he couldn’t remember the last time they’d just sat around and spewed bullshit. “He couldn’t handle me,” he said with a shrug and false air of sincerity, cracking once he caught Cam’s eye. “Might go for Sophia though.”

Yeah, it sucked, but Cam wasn't going to hold it against Greg. Or maybe that was his saviour complex talking, yet again trying to shoulder the emotional burden for someone else. He didn't know and at that point didn't care to think about it. "I wanted out because I never wanted in to begin with," he shrugged, "this shit killed Sid. Damn near killed Ace a few times already. I was just getting my ass out of the firing line however I could. Now... don't get me wrong, I don't want this forever but it ain't so bad. Kinda nice having more back up than just your scrawny ass," he nudged Trevor again, harder, losing the gauge of his strength in the alcohol. "She's fuckin' Marlo? Fuck," Cam dragged a hand over his face, "he was my first choice of rebound."

For as long as they'd known each other Cam wanted nothing to do with his brother or the gang, but then he had no choice in the matter, and he'd been a greaser so long it was easy to forget it wasn't always their reality. Trevor used to talk a big game about how he'd kill Ace if he got the chance, then conjure up excuses for his father in the same breath — clearly his feelings changed. "I know you didn't want in, I- scrawny? Fuck you," he shoved him back, enough to nearly knock both of them over, and laughed. "Ace called me an extra fuckin' medium or something earlier, I don't need that from you too. No he fuckin' wasn't, he's not even your type. You do like fuckin' your friends though."

"Nothin' to be sorry about. It ain't about you, man." Cam shook his head to himself when he heard Greg had gotten physical with Trevor. He was right, that wasn't normal. "You joining just gave him the opening to have a conversation he's been wanting to have for a while now. Guess I should thank you for that," he let out a sarcastic laugh, clearly still trying to convince himself it was for the better. "I needed to face some shit and now I've faced it. Guess I don't have a reason to keep one foot out the door no more." Cam had no idea where he was headed in the grand scheme of things but for now he was a greaser and for once he didn't want to hang his head in shame about it. What was the point if he no longer had Greg, the one thing that had always kept him hoping for more? "I'm glad you're here. Really. C'mon," he nudged Trevor, hopefully not in a bruise, though he couldn't be sure because he was getting kind of wobbly from the drinking, "you're the man of the minute, this whole thing's for you, we gotta go enjoy it before we start feeling it."

"Still sucks." There were some other things he could say about Greg, like how easy it was for him to get on his high horse about good choices when his big house and two parents always meant he'd have a choice, or how he hadn't even liked guys until Cam confessed his feelings for him. Ragging on their best friend wouldn't make anyone feel better though so he kept his own petty frustrations to himself. "You didn't only want out 'cause of Greg though did you?" A bit of a loaded question but he always figured Cam saw being a greaser as a means to an end, a pit stop on the way to something else. As much as he bitched and moaned he didn't seem to hate it either, but maybe that was just him making the best of his situation- it beat being miserable all the time. With a grin Trevor nudged him back, not caring that his body seemed to protest even the slightest bit of pressure. "I'm glad I'm here too- oh, wait, you know Arden's not fuckin' your brother? I was right before, it's Marlo, he said somethin' about it. Which is weird 'cause he seems gay right, like DL at least."

Cam was fine with silence. He didn't get much of it, in all honesty, not with Trevor the human pinball nor with Ace's boys around. It was probably a good thing though because the silence just let him think, and lately thinking was a dangerous endeavour. Staying on theme, avoiding thought, he took the offered bottle and in turn a healthy helping of liquor. "Greg broke up with me. Because of all this," he waved his hand over the celebrations of the tracks. "Said I'm taking too long to get out. How can I argue? I could have just taken the beating, been done with it. Just... the way he looked at me, man. I thought he got it, but I think he just loved who he wanted me to be and I went off course. I want to be that but..." Cam swallowed hard, putting on a smile even if it didn't reach his eyes, "Anyway, it is what it is and fuck it all. Welcome to the fuckin' dark side, brother."

"Fuck," he huffed back, partially under his breath. With Greg moving out, he figured they'd split, or were at the very least working through something, but he didn't know why. "I'm sorry. He was pretty pissed with me too, like shoved me around type of pissed. I've never seen him like that before." Part of him wondered if the break-up had anything to do with him, as self-involved as it was, if it happened right around when Greg ambushed him about joining the greasers. In trying to do something for himself it seemed like he'd just pushed two of his favorite people even father away. "I don't think he gets it. I mean he's a fuckin' idealist and he wants the best for you obviously, but kinda like you said, what's best for you isn't what he had in mind. Fuck it." He shrugged and, on second thought, took the bottle back from Cam for a swig.

Cam had been quiet since Greg had broken up with him. He'd barely been home, either sleeping in the library at school or on Ace's couch. He was living up to his nickname, giving one word answers to most questions or ignoring them altogether. Sure, his mood had ruffled feathers all week but he didn't care. He was lost, which wasn't something he'd ever really felt before, and the only thing that was grounding him was making sure he was ready to jump Trevor in. It wasn't even about Trevor at that point; he was tired of trying to protect him and bearing the weight of his poor choices. It was about his own way through the initiation, how he had to prove he wasn't going to take it easy on his friend otherwise he'd end up getting double the beatdown from Ace as a lesson. Now that he'd done what needed to be done, he'd happily taken to the fringes of the celebrations at the tracks to drink away all sense of feeling. "You might be the first guy to go half chub at the initiation," he smirked. "You still got all your teeth? I was tryin' not to fuck up your smile."

Trevor's behavior was probably self-destructive but that wasn't anything new for him, and unlike jumping in front of a train, or any of his other usual stunts, he thought twice about this. His life wasn't so terrible, all things considered, but he couldn't see a future the way he'd been moving. Truthfully the more he just hung out and got high he worried he'd become like his dad, that it wasn't some innate evil within him but a lack of purpose. Joining a gang might've seemed counter-productive to that but it made enough sense to him, and it was too late to back out now anyway. "Think so." He grinned big, turning so Cam could inspect the state of his teeth, all of which were still (mostly) intact. "I chipped one already so don't worry about that." As much as he drank, he still knew his limits and didn't like how riled up he could get drinking liquor, even if tonight was the night to do it, and he offered the bottle out to Cam. "We gonna talk about it?," he asked after they'd sat in silence for a bit, his voice taking on a gentler tone. "And I don't mean this shit, I mean what's up with you."

Once he had a few drinks in him, Trevor hardly noticed the way his whole body ached or the bruises forming across his torso. It was probably adrenaline protecting him more than the alcohol too, and he had no doubt he'd feel it tomorrow, but for now he could celebrate with the rest of the greasers and be glad the worst part was over with. Him and Cam hadn't talked much leading up to it, not since he'd gone dark after whatever happened between him and Greg. It was hard not to feel like they were nearing the end of their friend group as they knew it, but it was Trevor who said they needed to stop holding onto the way things were when they were kids. The memories they'd made around that time were precious to him, and gave him the kind of friends most people could only ever dream of having, but they were grown up now, a bit of change was inevitable. Still he had enough faith in their friendship to know that the core of it would always stay the same. "Hey. I was right." He found Cam off on his own and approached him, bottle in hand, with a grin that gave away the nonsense he had at the tip of his tongue, then plopped down next to him. "Was kinda hot. Even if you pulled that first punch." @camdenclaymore

"Seriously, don't let me stop you if you want something, man." Greg motioned towards the fridge before he closed his eyes. He'd made it through two of the hardest conversations he'd ever had without crying. He didn't want to ruin that by picking at the threads currently holding him together. "It's fine." If the couch could swallow him at that point he would've been thankful. "It's just temporary. I think it might be time, you know? Time to take the next step instead of doing- whatever I've been doing." Greg grimaced as he shifted on the couch, raising one of the cushions to cover the top of his face. "I'm gonna start looking for something else. I already told Cam and I'll let Dev know when he comes home, but it feels like the right time."

"Nah I think you're right, probably shouldn't right now." It was only a matter of time before one of them moved out and somebody had to be the first. The way he envisioned it though he always figured Greg would take Cam with him, or honestly he thought they'd just agree not to resign their lease one year, then go their separate ways from there. This felt sudden but Trevor wouldn't pry, not when Greg seemed fragile enough already, plus he could put two and two together. "Okay, yeah. That's good. We're all, uh, takin' next steps, I guess. Let me know if I can help."

"No. I feel like adding alcohol to all of this is asking for a mess." He motioned towards his own head, moving towards the couch to flop down on it. "This has been enough drama to hold me over for the next few years. I do want you to get any of your extra stuff out of my old room though. I'm camping out there for the next few days and I don't wanna trip over whatever shit Miguel outgrew that you guys have been throwing in instead of throwing away."

Trevor was aware he drank a lot and normally took no issue with pounding a few beers by himself but Greg's refusal had him thinking twice, he felt awkward about it, and he sat down with him instead. His brow furrowed when he mentioned going back to his old room, which they'd all been treating like a communal closet for the past three years. "Y'all got bed begs or something, or-" It wasn't something he'd considered until then, in referring to his room as both his and Cam's, that the drama exhausting Greg wasn't just his best friend joining a gang. "Fuck. Yeah. I can get everything outta there in a couple hours. Sorry."

Greg raised his hands to rub at his face. Knowing there was nothing else he could say left him feeling more defeated than he had in years, but the only thing he could do was move forward from it. Thinking about the way things were bound to change would eat away at him, but there was no point in dwelling on that at the moment when Trevor was right in front of him. "I'm not calling you some stupid nickname, for the record. And I reserve the right to tell everyone about the time you had a leech stuck to your ass at any point for any reason. Someone has to keep you humble."

Even though Trevor worried about them growing apart he needed to remember how much they'd stuck by each other through already. The four of them couldn't live together forever, he wasn't naive enough to think otherwise, but not seeing each other every day wouldn't change the bond they all had, the special kind you only got with kids you met when you were twelve. "I hope not, I already got a stupid nickname from Ace and I don't want it catchin' on. Deal, you can tell any embarrassing story about me you want. I'm grabbing a beer, you want one?"

"More and more sure of yourself huh? Guess we'll find out if you mean it." Ace was already pretty confident that Trevor wasn't making the choice lightly, for one thing if that were the case then he would have been a greaser a long time ago. He knew that Trevor was loyal, maybe to a stupid degree considering that love tringle he had been in with Cam. He and his brother had never gone in depth about their love lives so Ace knew the bare bones facts about it and knew the three of them remained friends and even roomates. He knew Trevor could have the capacity to hurt and not even just if it needed to be done. He'd seen it himself with his father and he knew Trevor was hungry, that he could just tell from the look in his eyes. While he didn't put it past anyone but his lost boys to disappoint him, he had high hopes to see what Trevor could be when he started walking with some pride and maybe even fuck around and find purpose if he played his cards right. He also didn't doubt that he meant it when he said he could kill if it needed to. "Alright, and what scares you about goin' into this? And we're talkin' man to man. You respect me I respect you. Like you said, don't just tell me what I want to hear." Ace asked him while he dug a flask out of his back pocket, took a swig from it then offered it to Trevor.

Becoming a greaser wasn't really on his radar until recently, and before that Ace and his gang were the big bad boogeyman, representing everything him and Cam thought was holding them back. Once Cam got more involved, and he started seeing what they were actually about, his perception changed. Or, maybe he changed. He was tired of holding onto fantasies they had as kids, thinking things would get better just because they had to. "You're gonna think it's stupid," he prefaced, taking a swig from Ace's flask after he'd passed it to him. "I'm worried 'bout how it might change things, with me and my friends. And with Cam, I mean there's been a billion other things that could've fucked up our friendship and didn't, so I don't think this is it. But I know he feels like he's been a bad influence on me-" He paused for effect on that, since they both knew Cam was hardly capable of corrupting anybody, and handed the flask back to Ace. Cam's other feelings about the lost boys weren't his to divulge, especially not to his brother, so he was careful not to get into those, "and thinks I've given up on myself. Not true, by the way, if I really gave up I wouldn't be doin' any of this."

Jumping someone in or out of the gang wasn't some set ceremony with rules to follow or anything like that - the only 'rule' was that joining the greasers was blood in, blood out and if it was blood out you paid interest so Ace texting Trevor beforehand was just virtue of him wanting to talk to the kid one more time to gauge where his head at before he got jumped in. He was seated at the very back of the train car but got up when Trevor stepped in, "Yeah, check this out." He opened his phone as he moved to meet Trevor half way, and when he was within reach, he pushed the blonde back into the seat and pressed his forearm against Trevor's throat, pinning the soon to be greaser there. He read their brief text exchange out loud, "Who the fuck did you think you were talkin' to, Trevor? You ever speak to me like that again through text or phone, face to face and I fuckin' promise it'll be months before you can even communicate 'I'm sorry' to me. Feel me?" Ace spoke looking Trevor right in the eyes, so the kid knew he was serious. When Ace felt like he was understood he removed his forearm and put some distance between them, sitting in the seat across from Trevor while he collected himself and Trevor caught his breath, "So how you feelin'?" He asked with a casualness in his voice that didn't at all line up with the fact that he had just pinned Trevor and threatened him because he'd said what he had to say and the issue was settled and he could focus on why he'd actually asked Trevor to come early for, "You remember what I asked you when you told me you wanted to be a greaser. You got any new answers for me after sittin' on it?"

There were no misconceptions in his head about Ace being his friend — he was surprised to get a text from him, even though he probably had everyone's number or knew how to get their number if he didn't, and just as surprised each time he called him by his actual name. Hearing his name while Ace's arm was pressed against his neck made him wish he'd just called him Trenton, and he tried not to choke too hard as he looked him in the eye, nodding to show he understood. Things got misconstrued over text all the time but Trevor would be lying if he said he wasn't putting on a brave face in those messages and it made him short, and in turn, disrespectful- hearing his own words read back to him made that clear. Even when he let him go he tried to not gasp for air like he needed to, not wanting to show any form of weakness if he could help it, and took a second to collect himself. Then Ace just snapped out of it, nonchalant as fuck. Honesty had worked for him so far, and Ace could smell bullshit from a mile away, so he figured he'd keep that up, "Good. More and more sure of myself, that this is what I want." That came from sitting with himself on it but also defending his decision to Cam and then Greg. Typical for him too, that somebody telling him no just made him want it more. He didn't need to repeat what Ace asked him a few weeks back, they both knew exactly which question he was talking about, if Trevor would kill for it. It'd be easy enough to give him an eager yes, fall in line like the obedient student he was about to be, but he knew he'd see through it and any reservations he was having. "Yeah," he nodded, considering his answer a second longer. "I'd kill for it. But I'm not just sayin' that 'cause I think it's what you want to hear. I know I could, if I had to, and I know that's serious shit. I'm not delusional 'bout that."

The tracks were familiar for Trevor so he felt he had that working in his favor at least, not nearly as nerve-wrecked as he could've been as he pulled up. Part of him wished he'd been jumped in with no prior notice, just so it was over with, the anticipation of it since Ace texted him that morning practically driving a hole through his stomach. He meant it when he told him he wasn't scared- he could take a beating any day, it was the uncertainty of what happened after that worried him, even if he'd signed up for it. There was no turning back at this point but he didn't want to anyway, he stood by the choice he'd made. Now he just hoped it was the right one. He hopped up into the second empty railcar and found Ace there, waiting for him. "Hey. You wanted to see me?" @smokingaceschw

"I said you're so brave it's bordering crazy. There's a difference." The corner of his curved up but the sadness that had crept into his gaze remained. He had to remind himself he wasn't actually losing Trevor. It wasn't like he was walking off to war or moving across the country where Greg might never see him again. At the end of the day he would still be one of his best friend's, but they were losing part of the bond that had held them together in the first place. Things were changing, again, and he wasn't sure if it was for the worse or if he was being overdramatic about the whole thing. "Yeah, okay. Can't blame me for trying." He sighed heavily, his shoulders sagging as he settled. "I'm sorry. For pushing you, I mean. I shouldn't have put my hands on you."

"I'll still take it." He smiled back at him, a similar fatigued look in his eyes. Something he'd feared for a while now was his friend group falling out, not in a fight or anything, but just with time, guys he considered brothers gradually growing apart. Greg and Cam would want a place of their own eventually he figured, and Dev would no doubt be fine on whatever, and wherever, his next adventure was, and then that just left Trevor. At least joining the greasers gave him some sense of direction. "Can't blame you for trying," he agreed, echoing Greg's sigh, then shrugged his apology off. "It's cool. You had to get my attention somehow and anyway I pushed back."

"Oh now you wanna know what I think of you?" Greg raised his eyebrows. He'd figured Trevor stopped caring what he thought a long time ago, which was exactly why he tended to keep his mouth shut about some of the antics his friend got into. "I think you're so brave it's bordering on crazy. I've literally never met somebody who just goes into things so hard all the time, and I wish I was half as carefree as you are. You can walk into any room and be exactly who you are without caring what anyone thinks. You don't take orders from anyone and you definitely don't back down. You're stubborn and funny and a better friend than most people will ever have in their life, and I think you can do better than this. That's all I'm trying to say. You are better." He could feel himself deflating, something that showed in the way his shoulders slumped. He'd known walking in he wouldn't be able to change Trevor's mind but he would've been a horrible friend if that stopped him from trying. "You already have me and Cam and Dev looking out for you. I didn't know that wasn't enough. But if you want to cozy up with people who want to beat you to show you'll be loyal or good enough or whatever that's all about then I can't stop you."

"I know what you think of me." When he first got together with Cam, Greg assumed it'd be no big deal to him, that Trevor was just messing around as usual. They were obviously way past that now, and he was glad his two best friends had each other, but it still stuck with him on some level, knowing his friends thought of him as shallow. Greg shut him up though, which was a skill in itself, and he listened intently as he spoke. Back when his brother died, Trevor, even though he knew it wasn't fair, used to get so angry that Greg could just shut down when he felt like it, pull away from the rest of them and then show back up like it was nothing. He resented his friend because he didn't have the privilege of pulling away, he still had to go home to his dad, and maybe their friendship hadn't been the same since. It was selfish, because Greg was one of the people he cared about most, and he'd let some stupid grudge he apparently couldn't shake get in the way of that.

"You're callin' me crazy like it's a compliment," he joked, dropping the abrasive tone he'd taken earlier. "That's all really nice though, so.... thanks." As for him doing better he wasn't so sure that was true but he didn't want to argue about it either. "You guys are enough, that's not- I'm includin' you in that, that's my people. That doesn't change. I appreciate you lookin' out for me, I think you're a better friend than most people'll ever have too, but I've already made up my mind."

Ace: Scared don't make no difference. You show up and that's all I need, Trent.

Trevor: Then like I said I'll see you later

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