The Feels Of A Fatty

A glimpse into the life of a fat girl.

[thefeelsofafatty]

License.

Who got them? I do.

[thefeelsofafatty]

Let there be light!

In eighth grade we read the book, "The city Of Ember". Such an interesting book. I don't think we watched the movie, but I have a hard time remembering thing. So we probably did. But I'm watching it now, and I'm just totally not impressed. The movie does NOT do the entire idea justice. Or maybe its just because the whole idea is bland and boring. Its probably all the browns and molding looking.

[thefeelsofafatty]

Sensitive much?

So stress triggers tears with me. So many things have me stressed. College, drivers test, my dad's drinking habit, his new found love for his pain medications, where I'm gonna live, when I'm gonna see my siblings. It doesn't help that my mother moved 6 states away, ya know? It's hard for me. I have a difficult time juggling all of these feelings of inadequacy. I am the type who wants things done, and I want them done right. But here I have literally no say on what happens when, because I have no money and don't drive. I can't control the outcome of anything. Oh well....

[thefeelsofafatty]

Twilight.

I remember it was my 8th grade year that this movie came out. I actually had a party once, and people brought me gifts. this was before drinking was involved, that is when my party days came to a hault. Back to topic, it came to theaters on November 30 - a few days after my birthday. That's when I had my second, SOMEWHAT SERIOUS boyfriend. Isn't it weird how certain memories can bring back familiar, lost feelings? I have had three "serious" relationships. Serious being appropriate only for that time period. 1. The first serious boyfriend I had was when I was in sixth grade. He was two years older. I was too nervous to even hold his hand hardly. We hardly went out anywhere. For his birthday, we bought him a bicycle. Lol. He got me in a carefree state, before I had experienced divorce or any other happiness altering memories. Lucky. We dated for nine months, then he moved to Missouri. 2. I already mentioned the second one. He was like 5 years older, and I was in eighth grade. He came along in the midst of my mom's second marriage, and we dated 4 months. But he left some sort of everlasting scar. I haven't talked to him since 9th grade. I remember he used to send me a billion texts if I didn't reply straight away. That was my first heartbreak, one of the worst ones. 3. Lastly, my current ex. Let's leave him blank, because I prefer that. We dated exactly a year on the dot. Haven't talked to him since September 1. It will be a year here soon since we haven't been together. That's okay, because God gives me strengthen to get by. And really, I am not upset about that anymore anyway. Point being, these three people have changed my perception and views on not only myself, but also life. And I want to thank them, because in all the heartache and suffering I have formed a wonderful, everlasting relationship with Jesus Christ.

[thefeelsofafatty]

4 DAYS

I have exactly four days until I take my drivers test. From that information, you assume I’m like 16, and its weird because it doesn’t run together because I’m about to start college.

But I’m actually 18, and just now taking my drivers test. It’s embarrassing really, but I’m ready to drive.

I couldn’t get my license earlier because I missed too many days of school… Which sucks, really. Oh well. What matters is that I’m about to take it in 4 days, and hopefully I pass it!!

Chances of getting a boyfriend INCREASED. 😋

[thefeelsofafatty]

Okay... I'm so sad that it has to come to THIS.... I have to explain what GIRLS is to the world? That's so easy though; passion drives the work of intelligence. Anyway. I stumbled across this beloved show of mine on HBO, and was intrigued the moment I saw the way Hannah (Lena Dunham) wore her blouses. Then, when I saw all the drama and love triangles going on throught the tail end of this amazing Tv drama, I fell in absolute love. It's about 4 girls, all so different girls, who are best friends. You have Hannah, for starters who reminds me so much of myself. She is the one the show focuses on mostly, and that just occurred to me right now. But she's a little clueless about everything, and she just lives each day differently. Then Marnie.. Beautiful, but so uptight. and she is brainy too, but she uses that to be a total "B". Then Jessa. An ex cocaine addict. Haha. She's so beautiful though, and has an accent, and is really free spirited, but in the weird way. Where she is apparently declared a Buddhist and weird her hair braided and just looks like she belongs in a garden photo shoot. And lastly, shoshana. Weird name, for an utterly annoying girl. She's probably one of my least favorite characters, but I like them all. it's just.. you can tell she was sheltered and fed information about everything. like she's so smart, but so air headed. and her voice drives me insane. She didn't lose her virginity until 21. But its an incredible show. If you can mentally imagine these 4 in a serious friendship, kudos. Because I would have never seen four completely different humans beginning a beautiful friendship like this before I switched to HBO. Try it out. Really. :)

[thefeelsofafatty]

Obsessed with the idea of college...

I spend all my down time looking into things my future college posts on nearly every social networking site. For example, I just searched on HERE to see if they had a blog. Come on.

They may not show how obsessed I am though…

I searched on instagram, and Facebook. And it isn’t your average search, it is a literal search. Like I should be running their Facebook page.

Get this, they started a page for the graduates of 2018. Which will be me, since I start in 2014. And it was a closed page, only requested members were allowed. And typically people wouldn’t have known about it, but I investigated it and added MYSELF. After they accepted me I then began to stalk all of the other members pages to see what I could learn about the people who could be my potential rommates.

Creepy, I know.

But it isn’t just my college I do this to… Nearly anything I get excited about, I will “stalk” perse.

It’s weird.

I just hope I love my college, which I will. But I am initially draining the suspense. I guess maybe that’s why I do it! I don’t like suspense?!

Nah, probably not. Just obsessed.

But when I start on August 19, I will let you know how it goes.

[thefeelsofafatty]

Blog or journal? .... Jog.

What shall I discuss? Obviously something that involves my opinion. I want my opinion to one day conquer the world. Is that too much to ask? ANYWAY. I don't feel like releasing my identity, and it is far cooler to remain as some anonymous blogger who could very well be someone you wouldn't ever expect. Like.... Nestor Carbonell.. though I couldn't see him bogging. Far too attractive to waste time on the internet. I can't seem to find "the one", or at least someone to accompany me. That saddens me. It isn't like my expectations are extravagant. REQUIREMENTS: 1. Good personal hygiene 2. Christian 3. Semi attractive 4. Loves me for me 5. Funny 6. Can complete a sentence using the correct grammar. See? It isn't like I asked them to be super hot, rich, and have a nice car. So these expectations can easily be met, but I have yet to find a person who contains all of these. Not that I have low self esteem, because I totally do, but even if I did find him he would more than likely pass me up. I'm fat. #thefeelsofatty

[thefeelsofafatty]

Who am I?

Allow me to enlighten you, I always have wanted to be different. To be the kid that stood out, I wanted that. I plastered a fake "class-clown" front to make people laugh, so they wouldn't get to know who I really was. I wanted the idea of me to be avoided at all costs. I suffere(d) from depression, and sometimes I can't tell whether or not that is a past tense thing or not. I spend my time, CURRENTLY, obsessing over The Leftovers, GIRLS, Modern Family, and Bates Motel. I spend my days and nights thanking Jesus Christ for who I am, because he made me wonderfully. I made this blog to start my "weight loss journey", but I feel like it could lead to SO MUCH MORE. So here it begins. Ideas, ideas, ideas. This post clearly goes to show that the "messed up" ones have a whole different world in their head.

[thefeelsofafatty]

You should know that your body is a temple for the Holy Spirit that you received from God and that lives in you. You don’t own yourselves. God paid a very high price to make you his. So honor God with your body.

Jesus, 1 Corinthians 6:19-20, Holy Bible