The Fucking Flatirons

[thefuckingflatirons]

Boulder: Welcome to Lesbian Homoville

“I remember, after Boulder approved same sex marriage certificates (back in 1975 or earlier!) someone doctored a photo of the sign to say something along the lines of 'Welcome to Lesbian Homoville' (I think it was quoting testimony from a city council meeting.)”

“Do you remember the picture in the paper around that same time of a man or women (don’t remember which) marrying a donkey? “

the Boulder County Clerk, issued a same sex license to two men (later judged invalid).  In protest, a man came in and asked for a permit to marry his horse.  Ms. Rorex declined and stated that the horse was only five years old, well under the age of consent.  That was the story that went with the photo.

[thefuckingflatirons]

The Buddy Boulder is some fucking terrifying shit!

“The fact that I am a solid citizen is taken for Granite and none of my friends are flakes…. I never get stoned,” 

https://aboutboulder.com/blog/boulders-terrifying-mascot-from-the-1980s/

[thefuckingflatirons]

Boulder County anti-fracking activists unfurl banner on Third Flatiron

For less than an hour on Wednesday morning, the face of Boulder's Third Flatiron wore a 150-foot white stripe up its middle that read, "Do not frack open space.

It would have been better if it was set on fire.

[thefuckingflatirons]

Ryan Moss's Death and the Dangers of Extreme Hiking When Drunk or Stoned

On June 14, authorities at the Black Canyon of the Gunnison National Park recovered the body of 23-year-old University of Colorado-Colorado Springs student Ryan Wood Moss, a nature lover originally from North Carolina who'd been reported missing three days earlier. Moss's family believes he died on June 9 after falling...

[rdaniellek-blog]

Happy Labor Day everyone! Nothin like some switchbacks in the Rockies to celebrate!🙈😁😍 #3rdFlatIron #basichikeday #hikingchick #mountainbabes #boulder @mntbabes @kt_simon @mcquade10942

[thefuckingflatirons]

“This is me with my flatirons tattoo, looking up at the flatirons“

[thefuckingflatirons]

It kinda looks like two giant robots that transformed from the Flatirons formations. Perhaps this is in the old-school Godzilla universe?

And now they’re fucking. That’s all l got. Although now some of the other flatirons in the logo look to me like erect penises. I blame all the concussions these dudes must have had to make such a hilariously bad logo.

[thefuckingflatirons]

Man Scales Rock Face For Dramatic Proposal, Ends Up In Jail

But at least she said yes!

He was also arrested on suspicion of being under the influence and in possession of methamphetamine, KFSN reports.

[stayoutofmynamastespace]

That’s the thing about really high mountains: they’re just so ancient.

white woman, in Boulder (via stayoutofmynamastespace)

[thefuckingflatirons]

I AM FROM A GIANT BASEBALL!

[thefuckingflatirons]

Fucking Flatirons Logos: Flatirons Climbing Council

This logo, if you could call it that, is the winner. It barely passes the test of being a “logo”. Rather it looks insane, frightening, psychedelic, nonsensical and weird. God herself seems to be just out of frame, about to swoop in and dissolve all of humanity

Because of that, this is the perfect logo. This is why I make fun of any logo that is not this logo. Because this logo is perfect.

[thefuckingflatirons]

Crappy Use of Flatirons in a Logo: BoulderCast

This one gets so many demerits - the one huge saving grace it’s that’s it’s not a souless corporate entity that is ironically not about outdoors, open space, the environment, or the preservation of nature (or Weed, or Drugs), but just some dude that really likes meteorology, whose audience really wants to know when it’s going to snow, so we’ll let this pass - since a professional designer was not involved, but still: I am going to make fun of it:

Worst part is that the logo is the First, Second and Third Flatiron, pretty true to form. You’ve now entered the realm of every other logo in Boulder. Fine.

But imposed right over the photo you traced to make the logo? Kind of hilarious - that is some lazy shit.

That you managed to call your thing, “Bouldercast” and not, “Boldercast” as is the unwritten rule that things in Boulder start with Bolder and not Boulder. Also, what the fuck is a, “Boulder” (adjective) take on weather? How about a BOLDER take take on weather? See how clever we are? See how it looks like you don’t know how to spell “Bolder”, but want to actually use that as the word?

Then there’s the, “Somehow integrate the flag of Colorado in an unimaginative way” and this logo gets a failing mark: You’ve literally misspelled your own site in your own logo. See the red C? Good! See the yellow part? That could represent an, “O”! like in the official abbreviation of, “Colorado” Maybe I’m bullshittin’ you, but reread that last sentence, then look at the logo, and try not to see, “Boulder Coast”. Which is an odd idea in a doubly landlocked state.

[thefuckingflatirons]

Really Flatirons Library? Really? Rape Fantasies?! Not the kind of Fucking Flatirons this family website is about.

[thefuckingflatirons]

Ten Suggestions for Front Range Places to Have Sex Outdoors

"Boulder Open Space provides a number of excellent trails along and into the Flat Irons and the hills south of there. True story: Once on an all night hike along the Enchanted Mesa trail under a full moon I stopped and took a short nap on a flat rock. When I woke I realized I was in the middle of a Fairy Ring (a perfect circle) of trees. The next day coming back and ever since then I've never been able to find that perfect circle of trees; Enchanted Mesa indeed."

Enchanted Mesa was an area that now comprises part of the Open Space Mountain Parts named by a developer, who wanted to lure investors to the land, so that he could build a resort. Much fighting between this private business and the town ensued. The developer offered to sell the land he had bought $12,000 to the city for over a million dollars. A legal battle ensued, where the land was valued at $115,000 - still 10x what it was purchased for. Boulder then purchased the land through bonds to pay for the land, much of it collector from private citizens.

http://www.boulderblueline.org/pdfs/e_mesa_purchase.pdf

Rather than describing an area of magic and myth, it really labels a time in the history of  Boulder Open Space where private and public desires clashed.

[thefuckingflatirons]

Today’s Worst Fucking Use of the Flatirons in a Corporate Logo: Boulder Lawns

To be fair, this isn’t actually a bad logo. For a company that deals with lawn care, it is strange to illustrate wild-growing grass. The flatirons have an interesting style to them, but there’s no sense of scale (other than blades of grass, which are small), so they look more like either bizarre cemetery gravestones or the bottom row of some enormous stoned muppet.

Honestly - think about adding googly eyes and a pot leaf to the top of this logo,

It just looks like a big, baked Hulk or something - the Incredible Toke!

Which, I guess is a plus, in this town.

[thefuckingflatirons]

Man Ray, Cadeau (Gift), 1921, editioned replica 1972, iron and nails.

By adding a row of nails, Man Ray transformed a household flat-iron into  a new and potentially threatening object. The nails and burning metal   suggest a violent eroticism at odds with the work’s title, the French   word for ‘gift’. The original version, given to the composer Eric Satie,  was lost but became well-known through Man Ray’s photograph of it.   Although made at the height of Paris Dada Cadeau, like Man Ray’s other   objects, anticipated the exposure of hidden desires found in subsequent Surrealist objects.

The fact that no Flatirons or routes on the Flatirons in Boulder are named, “The Gift/le Cadeau“ shows a majority lack of creativity of appropriation and awareness in art history. I thought this was a college town?!

[thefuckingflatirons]

This guy used to do a lot of drugs and party, then something happened, now he just puts on retreats and talks about how he used to do drugs and party until something happened while labeling “#activity-mindful” to all of his activities and drinking gluten-free beer.

It’s like this: if you have to label something as being mindfully done, it’s not mindfully done anymore. You just do it. You can’t “mindfully” brag about your life.