The Golden Gates @thegoldengates-blog - Tumblr Blog

The Body Conscious Gay Man: Deconstructing the Gay Body

Body dissatisfaction has, in the past, always been connected to women– largely because of the stereotype that men don’t “care about their appearances.” However, it is now widely known that men also suffer from body dissatisfaction due to the portrayal of men within popular media: the muscular, smooth, rippling Adonis[1]. According to multiple studies, gay men are more susceptible to body image issues then their heterosexual counterparts. Some people blame the gay culture’s value on the muscular physique and the hypersexualized gay media –gay pornography- for being the main cause of body dissatisfaction. Yet gay men and body image have a long relationship that precedes such notions -a relationship that stems from the cultural and social liberation of homosexuality. For many gay men, the body is a source of pride, identity, and acceptance within an oppressive heteronormal society. The gay culture’s emphasis on the muscular body and gay porn all play important parts in the liberation of gay men. However, it is this very structure of liberation that, at the same time, creates an oppressive atmosphere in which gay men feel pressure to conform to a particular body type to find acceptance.

Gay Body Image and Gay History

The relationship between gay men and body image has always been ingrained within gay history. A common stereotype of homosexuality is the weak, skinny and effeminate gay man. This relation to femininity often results in gay men being seen as inferior in comparison to heterosexual men. With Western culture seeing an explosion of gay liberation in the late 1960s, the old stereotypical notions of homosexuality were redefined. From the gay movement emerged a new type of gay man; one with bulging biceps and rippling pectorals: the masculine gay. Muscularity is a trait that is often connected with masculinity – a relation that is recognized by dominant culture (Cullen quoted in Duncan, 334). Thus the muscular gay man sought to redefine the old stereotypical notions of the weak effeminate gay man by rejecting femininity and reclaiming the masculinity that was denied to him. Shame, deviancy, femininity and weakness were traits tied to the “old” gay man. With a change in how homosexuality was viewed by the public, some gay men chose to express this liberation through their bodies. The muscular gay man became an iconic image to celebrate the gay man’s liberation from negative stereotypes and to signify the liberation of gay culture itself (Duncan, 334). In a culture that prizes and enforces a hegemonic masculinity, gay men have obtained an equalizer with their heterosexual counterparts -through their body.

The AIDS crisis that ravaged the gay community played another factor in gay men and body image. A common side-effect of the disease is the wasting away of the body (Wolfe quoted in Neal, 4). A thin frail figure and gaunt face were traits often associated with having the disease. Consequently, gay men began to value muscular bodies with the misconception that a muscular figure signified health and therefore did not have the disease; gay men also strove for a muscular body to help fight the diseases’ crippling affects. The muscular body suddenly became a signifier of health and wellness within the gay community.

Gay Body Image and Heteronormal Society

If the muscular gay man represents the reclamation of masculinity, why is femininity still strongly associated with gay men today? Stereotypes such as the sassy gay best friend and gay fashionista are still prominent icons of homosexuality within dominant society. So where is the muscular gay man? In a society that relies on negative stereotypes to reveal homosexuality –through fashion, physical attributes and actions- the “masculine” muscular gay man becomes invisible. Muscular gay men within heteronormal society can pass off for being straight –unless they state their homosexuality or act in a way that may “out” them. This invisibility allows the stereotypical “feminine” gay man to exist and be the dominant representation of gay men in present society.

While homosexuality is widely more accepted today, gay men still struggle to find acceptance within heteronormal society. However, with the dominant culture’s hegemonic masculinity, the body becomes a conduit for acceptance. In a society that devalues femininity and prizes masculinity, masculine traits become desirable while feminine traits are rejected. For Lanzieri and Hildebrandt, this hegemonic masculinity places men who possess masculine traits in powerful positions (278). Thus, gay men who possess physical masculine traits can possess positions of privilege and power within heteronormal society. Gay men feel pressure to conform to the masculine muscular body because it is a body that commands respect and admiration from both hetero and homosexual societies. While men who are deemed physically feminine are marginalized and alienated. The muscular body becomes a desirable trait to obtain acceptance, privilege or invisibility within heteronormal society.

Gay Body Image and Gay Culture

Not every gay man conforms to or wants the muscular body. Different subcultures within the gay community have appeared in response to the ideal “muscular gay man.” Each subculture is headed by an “icon” figure. Icons are the “personal fronts[2]” (Goffman quoted in Neal, 49) of the gay community. According to a study done by Neal, there are 5 main recognized icons within the gay community that are classified by physical appearance and behaviour. These icons are Twink, Muscle, Bear, Leather, and Drag (49).

Twink: consists of a body type that is slender, low muscle definition, with low body fat and body hair. They are often youthful in appearance (Neal, 105)

Muscle: consists of a body type that with low body fat, low body hair and high muscle definition. They are usually associated with the Adonis body type (Neal, 106)

Bear: consists of medium to high body fat, average muscle definition, and high body hair (Neal 107). The Bear subculture was created in protest of the Twink icon to create room for men who do not identify with the Twink icon (Durgadas quoted in Neal, 207).

Leather icon: consist of all body types but there is a required theme of biker attire and leather (Neal, 108)

Drag icon: (Not a full time identity) consists of a body type that is average body fat, low muscle definition, and low body hair (Neal, 109). It is mainly defined by dressing up in the opposite gender’s clothing for the sake of performance.

It should be noted that there is a lot of fluidity between icons and the existence of subcultures within subcultures. Twink and Muscle often blur together while the cross between a Bear and a Twink forms the Otter icon.

Acceptance from other gay men comes from the ability to fit into a certain icon. According to Neal, a hierarchy exists within the gay community with the attractive, youthful, muscular, and slender on top while the unattractive, old and overweight are at the bottom (33). While not all gay men may identify with a subculture, they are well known within the gay community. In reference to the gay social hierarchy, certain body types are more desired than others. Some gay men who choose not to identify with any subcultures may find themselves alienated and isolated; other gay men may feel pressure to conform to a certain body image to move up the social hierarchy. A man who naturally fits the Bear subculture but wants to fit in the Twink subculture may be pressured to lose weight and obtain the Twink body image to move up the social hierarchy: to a rank of privilege and power. Thus, gay men seek acceptance not only within the heterosexual community but within the gay community as well. The body not only serves as a conduit for acceptance within gay culture but as a source of identity.

These notions of body image and desirability are enforced through gay media and gay porn.

Gay Body Image and Pornography

In dominant culture, pornography is seen as taboo, a form of media that works to reinforce the objectification of women and men; however, gay porn, like the body, has served as a conduit for gay liberation. Gay pornography challenges the heteronormal concept that gay sex is perverse and unnatural by showing that gay sex exists and does happen- it reasserts homosexual desire (Dyer). Where mainstream media is often void of gay sex, gay men can watch pornography from the privacy of their own home and thus validate their feelings for other men. Historically, gay porn was shown in theatres and served as a place where gay men could meet and have sex and where the content and quality of the porn was not important (Neal, 32). Neal claims that due to technological advances pornography like the internet, DVDs and magazines, gay pornography has undergone cultural changes and now puts more emphasis on the image of sex rather than the experience (32).

In Duggan’s study on gay men and porn, he raises the question of why gay men consume more porn than heterosexual men (48). However, the revolution of gay porn is connected to the 1960’s gay movement. Whereas gay sex was seen as shameful and should be hidden; the gay revolution brought about a new attitude – that gay sex should be celebrated. Thus, in gay culture sexuality is celebrated openly. This is why gay men consume more pornography than heterosexual men. Porn studio’s such as BelAmi, Falcon Studio’s, Sean Cody, and Corbin Fisher all depict men who are heavily muscled, toned, and attractive having sex. Duggan claims that the body images portrayed in gay porn affect the “desirable” body image within gay culture (48). However successful media only supplies what the public demands. While gay porn serves to reinforce the notions of an ideal body, these notions were not created by gay porn. Rather, these notions pre-existed within gay culture - that is, the rejection of femininity and the elevation of masculinity. The true danger of porn lies in the internalization that some viewers make while watching the men on the screen: that sexual fulfillment is connected to a particular body type. An internalization that is no longer restricted to gay porn.

Popular media has taken on the motto that “sex sells.” Half naked men with glistening ripped bodies adorn club ads, pages in magazines, and gay TV shows. Gay men are bombarded with the “ideal muscular” body image wherever they go. This sexual internalization not only occurs in the privacy of one’s home or in the choice to watch porn but everywhere within gay culture. With gay media still minimalized within heteronormal society, gay men have no other mediums in which other forms of gay men are represented. Thus gay porn and gay media are the only mediums in which the gay body is defined.

Conclusions

As one can see, the relationship between gay men and the body is one that stems from the need to find acceptance and liberation within the hetero and homosexual society. The muscular gay man is a symbol that reaffirms that the only difference between a straight man and a gay man is their sexual preference; sexuality does not define your mannerisms nor make you less of a man. This liberation has led the muscular gay man to be the poster child of the gay community. However, it has led to a severe fear of femininity because it poses as a danger to disrupt the reclaimed equality between gay and straight men. Unfortunately, this symbol of liberation has also become a symbol of oppression. Gay men must conform to the muscular image because it is a body type that is respected in dominant society. Different sub-cultures created in opposition to that body type also serve to alienate and oppress other individuals who do not identify –nor want to- with certain icons. In addition, new subcultures are constantly being formed, yet the social hierarchy within gay culture places men under pressure to conform to an icon that holds power and privilege. Gay pornography, a vehicle for sexual liberation, reflects those values and in turn reinforces them throughout gay culture. The issue lies within the strict heterosexual concepts of male masculinity and female femininity and the hierarchy of privilege to those who fill such niches. To address the problems concerning body image within hetero and homosexual society, the barriers between femininity and masculinity, weakness and strength, desire and undesirable, must be reexamined and redefined. Only by disrupting these balances can society accept different body types, sexualities, genders and others who choose not to identify by such notions.

Works Cited

Duncan, Duane. "Out Of The Closet And Into The Gym: Gay Men And Body Image In Melbourne, Australia." Journal Of Men's Studies 15.3 (2007): 331-346. Humanities International Index. Web. 22 Mar. 2012.

Neal, Paul Chadwick. “Body Image in Gay Men: Acceptance, Control, Acculturation, Objectification and Identity.” Diss. State University of Oklahoma, 1998. Print

Lanzieri, Nicholas, and Tom Hildebrandt. "Using Hegemonic Masculinity To Explain Gay Male Attraction To Muscular And Athletic Men." Journal Of Homosexuality 58.2 (2011): 275-293. Humanities International Index. Web. 22 Mar. 2012.

Dyer, Richard. “Male Gay Porn Coming to Terms.” Jump Cut no.30 (1985): 27-29. Jump Cut: A Review of Contemporary Media Archives. Web. 22 Mar. 2012.

Duggan, Scott J., and Donald R. McCreary. "Body Image, Eating Disorders, And The Drive For Muscularity In Gay And Heterosexual Men: The Influence Of Media Images." Journal Of Homosexuality 47.3/4 (2004): 45-58. Humanities International Index. Web. 22 Mar. 2012.

[1] In Greek mythology, Adonis, youthful and muscular, is the epitome of masculine beauty.

[2] persona

An exchange about same sex marriage

Elisabeth Sandlund, editor of the Swedish Christian newspaper ‘Dagen’: I cannot find a single word in the Bible, supporting the idea of same sex marriage.

K G Hammar, former Arch Bishop of the Church of Sweden, the largest Lutheran church in the world: True, but at the same time you will find hundreds of passages supporting the idea that women shouldn't express their opinions in public, so if I were you, I'd use quotes from the Bible far more cautiously.

byjinnguyen

On a scale of 1 to Ridiculously Absurd and Hilarious, I found this ridiculously absurd and hilarious.

thegoldengates-blog

This totally relates to my article about classification in the gay world - read it here

Gay Men's Body Image: Near 50 Percent Would Sacrifice 1 Year Of Their Lives For The Perfect Body, Survey Finds

Exactly how far would you go for cast-iron pecs or the perfect six-pack?

Indeed, gay men have been stereotypically cast as gym bunnies by popular culture for some time, but a new British poll has now revealed a slightly more disturbing fact about that population's fractured relationship with body image. A study commissioned by the Central YMCA, the Succeed Foundation and the University of the West of England’s (UWE) Centre for Appearance Research in Bristol found that48 percent of gay male respondents would sacrifice a year or more of their lives in exchange for a perfect body. Perhaps even more onerous: researchers also found that 10 percent of those men would agree to die more than 11 years earlier if they could have their ideal body right now, according to Pink News.

Not surprisingly, authorities attributed the results to popular depictions of gay men in media. "Today gay men are under enormous pressure about their bodies, and we believe that a lack of body diversity in the media, including the gay press, and a relentless focus which values people based on appearance, may in part explain why gay men are particularly susceptible to this issue," Rosi Prescott, CEO of Central YMCA, told Pink News. "This is of concern when we know that record numbers of men are taking steroids or having unnecessary cosmetic surgery to achieve what is often an unattainable or unrealistic body image ideal."

A total of 384 men, a quarter of which identified as gay, were reportedly surveyed as part of the poll, with an average age of 40, according to the BBC. But overall, researchers say the increase in body hang-ups surged among both gay and straight men. As The Telegraph notes, the survey found a staggering 80 percent of men regularly discuss body shapes, often comparing them to those of top celebrities and fashion models -- and 59 percent of them admitted that doing so makes them feel worse about themselves.

Among the most popular phrases by men discussing how other men look: "beer belly," "man boobs" (or "moobs"), and "chubby," along with "six-pack" and "ripped."

"Girls want to be slim and males want to be big and lean, and while it isn't a bad thing for people to want to look better, it has become more like a competition, which has a bad effect on most people's mental health," one respondent told The Guardian.

"Body talk is saying things which reinforce the traditional standard of male attractiveness, which is having a tall, lean, muscular body with clear skin and a full head of hair, and is for most people unattainable," Dr. Phillippa Diedrichs of UWE also told The Guardian. "This research really demonstrates that body image is an issue for everyone, although in men, especially middle-aged men, it has been woefully under-reported, but has a negative impact on social relationships and on attitudes to diet, exercise and a healthy lifestyle."

-titles of drama

gaysianstruggs

Gaysians Are Beautiful by Jimmy Nguyen

Find the full article here:

Jimmy Nguyen articulates his experiences regarding racism (otherwise expressed as “lookism”) in the LGBTQ community. According to his opinion piece in the Advocate, Asians are generally regarded as the bottom of the race-attraction hierarchy, usually rejected with non-race-related groups such as “fats” or “femmes”. It’s also entertaining to see the comments by readers, criticizing him about being a “potato-queen” (or a gay man mainly attracted to Caucasian men) whilst commenting on this racially-driven construct of attraction.

My take:

I’ve seen this far too many times. I don’t consider myself ugly, nor do I consider myself to be a model. However, there is an undeniable hesitance to be attracted to Asian men as an American gay man. I’ve heard it countless times before: “I’m just not into Asians/Asians just don’t do it for me…no offense.” A phrase uttered with the knowledge that I would be possibly offended. And why not? Why are we grouped as one entity - does it speak well for the gay community to be so driven by what turns them on that we’ve made a social hierarchy of what is ideal? I think not.

Nguyen continues to say that he is mainly a “potato-queen”. I, myself, would consider myself that way. However, as those queerly educated in the history and sociology of homosexuality, much of being gay is constructed. How exactly? Nguyen touches upon the influence of power structures and media - guess who has the power in media? Truth be told, Caucasian men. Without any ill feelings towards any racial group, it is simply a truth for many gay men - the media and our society has socially constructed their groins to point towards men that the American media deems attractive = Caucasian men.

So, let’s change it. For those out there who are in the media or plan to be - let’s do our part in diversifying the gay social spectrum. Perhaps each color needs a little more good light on them, let’s do our part as Asian to rep our people and show that Gaysians truly are beautiful.

How To Explain Gay Rights To An Idiot

-title of drama

Our Families: LGBT Asian and Pacific Islander Stories

Check out the first video from Our Families, in our series of videos that highlight the trials and triumphs of lesbian, gay, bisexual, and transgender people of color. Our Families is a community education campaign that raises the visibility of LGBT people of color. In this video Asian and Pacific Islander families share their personal experiences.

-titles of drama

Congrats to Mr. and Miss GAPA 2011, Michael Nguyen and Lychee Minnelli!

S.F. gay married couple loses immigration battle

Washington --

Citing the Defense of Marriage Act, the Obama administration denied immigration benefits to a married gay couple from San Francisco and ordered the expulsion of a man who is the primary caregiver to his AIDS-afflicted spouse.

Bradford Wells, a U.S. citizen, and Anthony John Makk, a citizen of Australia, were married seven years ago in Massachusetts. They have lived together 19 years, mostly in an apartment in the Castro district. The U.S. Citizenship and Immigration Services denied Makk's application to be considered for permanent residency as a spouse of an American citizen, citing the 1996 law that denies all federal benefits to same-sex couples.

The decision was issued July 26. Immigration Equality, a gay-rights group that is working with the couple, received the notice Friday and made it public Monday. Makk was ordered to depart the United States by Aug. 25. Makk is the sole caregiver for Wells, who has severe health problems.

"I'm married just like any other married person in this country," Wells said. "At this point, the government can come in and take my husband and deport him. It's infuriating. It's upsetting. I have no power, no right to keep my husband in this country. I love this country, I live here, I pay taxes and I have no right to share my home with the person I married."

Husband's pleas

Wells pleaded with Homeland Security Secretary Janet Napolitano and President Obama to intervene.

"Anyone can identify with the horror of having the government come in and destroy your family when you've done nothing wrong, and you've done everything right, followed every law," Wells said.

The agency's decision cited the Defense of Marriage Act as the reason for the denial of an I-130 visa, or spousal petition that could allow Makk to apply for permanent U.S. residency. "The claimed relationship between the petitioner and the beneficiary is not a petitionable relationship," the decision said. "For a relationship to qualify as a marriage for purposes of federal law, one partner must be a man and the other a woman."

Obama and Attorney General Eric Holder decided earlier this year that the law, commonly known as DOMA, is unconstitutional on equal protection grounds and that the administration would no longer defend it in court. House Republicans hired an outside counsel to defend it instead. However, the administration said it would continue to enforce the law, while exercising discretion on a case-by-case basis.

ICE's director, John Morton, issued a memorandum in June that offered guidance to agents in making enforcement decisions. Because no law enforcement agency can pursue every case, they routinely prioritize where to commit the government's limited resources.

The memorandum said prosecutions should seek to promote "national security, border security, public safety and the integrity of the immigration system."

Makk meets several of the circumstances specified in the memorandum. Aside from being a spouse of an American citizen, he is also the primary caretaker of a citizen, has no criminal history, and has legally resided in the country under various visas for many years.

The couple said they spent nearly $2,000 to file the petition that was denied, and now must decide whether to file a motion to reconsider the decision, which Wells said would almost certainly be denied, giving the couple at most another 30 days of residency.

Makk gave up a professional career in Australia to be with Wells, and started a business in San Francisco and invested in rental property to meet various visa requirements. He said he has never remained in the country illegally.

Poor alternatives

Wells could move to Australia, but he said doing so would require him to give up his extensive medical care and insurance in the United States.

"We are appealing to the Obama administration to begin to put into action what they've said repeatedly they can do," said Immigration Equality spokesman Steve Ralls. "The Department of Homeland Security and ICE have said again and again that they can exercise discretion in individual cases, but they have not done so for a single gay or lesbian couple yet."

In rare cases, lawmakers can introduce so-called private bills to shield specific immigrants from deportation, but only after deportation proceedings have begun. Such bills are considered a last resort.

Drew Hammill, a spokesman for Rep. Nancy Pelosi, D-San Francisco, said Pelosi has contacted immigration officials on behalf of the couple and "will be working to exhaust all appropriate immigration remedies that are open to pursue."

[source]-Titles of Drama

gaypolitics

Prop 8 trial returns Sept. 6

thegoldengates-blog

gaypolitics:

California’s Proposition 8 trial is set to continue Sept. 6, where the California Supreme Court will hear appeal arguments on Judge Vaughn Walker’s original decision – that Prop 8 was unconstitutional.

This time, the case will be televised on the California Channel, a public affairs network.

The original trial, headed by Judge Walker, was supposed to be aired, but the U.S. Supreme Court intervened, citing that airing the trial might put witnesses at risk.

The case is unique in that the state has refused to back an appeal of ruling – leaving the initiative sponsors (Protect Marriage) as the only party attempting to appeal. Federal precedent bars this, but Protect Marriage is hoping a state law will overrule federal standard and allow it.

The California Supreme Court will hear one hour of arguments the first day of the fall calendar, Sept. 6. The court will then have 90 days to release a ruling.

If an appeal is allowed, Walker’s decision would be reviewed, which could talk several additional months.

“I am very pleased that the Supreme Court of California calendared our case for the first day of their fall session,” Chad Griffin, Board President of the American Foundation for Equal Rights said in a statement. The foundation is the sole sponsor for the Proposition 8 court case, Perry v. Brown. “The governor and attorney general of California – and the United States District Court – all have found Proposition 8 unconstitutional.”

teamillz

Gay Archie Character Kevin Keller goes Solo...

thegoldengates-blog

First appearing in the Veronica Comic #202, Kevin Keller is taking his monumental act on the road as an openly gay lead character.

SFDPH TURNS ITS BACK ON HIV PREVENTION FOR ASIANS AND PACIFIC ISLANDERS

Asian & Pacific Islander Wellness Center Raises Alarm in San Francisco

San Francisco, CA – San Francisco Department of Public Health (SFDPH) is awarding $6.6 million in funding for HIV prevention services, but efforts targeting Asians and Pacific Islanders (A&PIs) are being completely overlooked. The New Directions in HIV Prevention awards focus on the needs of gay and bisexual men, with special consideration for African Americans, Latinos, and transgender females. This trend is disturbing for A&PIs and other emerging populations in the HIV epidemic who are being deprioritized in national and local prevention plans.

Thirty years into the epidemic, CDC data reveal that A&PIs have the highest rate of increase in new HIV infections in the nation--the only statistically significant growth among any racial or ethnic group--yet over two-thirds of A&PIs have never been tested for HIV. In San Francisco, this trend in increased HIV infections is also evident: SFDPH data indicate that HIV/AIDS cases among A&PIs has gone from 6% to 10.3% from 2006-2010, nearly double the percentage in just four years. Despite this, A&PIs--who represent over a third of the San Francisco population--only receive about 10% of all HIV tests administered in the city.

SFDPH has suggested they expect the needs of A&PIs to be addressed by their awardees, though no plan to fill the gaps has been revealed. "As far as we know, none of the organizations have been notified that they will be expected to specifically serve A&PI gay and bisexual men or youth," says Lance Toma, executive director of Asian & Pacific Islander Wellness Center. Even if these organizations are mandated to include A&PIs in their prevention efforts, there is cause for concern since they are not equipped to address the unique cultural and linguistic needs of the A&PI community. "The recipient organizations don't have a track record of effectively serving our community," Toma says.

In the past ten years, nearly half of all A&PI-serving HIV organizations in the country have closed their doors due to massive funding cuts at local and national levels. Fewer culturally and linguistically appropriate HIV services are available to the growing A&PI population, despite the alarming increases in HIV infections. Until the commitment of state and local governments matches the needs of the community, the HIV epidemic will continue to rise unchecked among A&PIs.

"This is just bad public health policy," says Mike Rabanal, A&PI Wellness Center board chair. "The choices San Francisco makes have the power to shift national HIV policy. If we fail to address the public health needs of the significant A&PI population locally, we're sending a message that the impact of the epidemic in our communities doesn't matter."

About Asian & Pacific Islander Wellness Center

Asian & Pacific Islander Wellness Center is a health services, education, research and policy organization dedicated to educating, supporting, empowering and advocating for Asian and Pacific Islander (A&PI) communities—particularly A&PIs living with or at risk for HIV/AIDS. With staff fluent in 20 languages, A&PI Wellness Center delivers programs regionally, statewide and nationally, and collaborates with community-based organizations throughout the Asia Pacific Region. For more information please visit www.apiwellness.org.

[source]

-Titles of Drama

tamerlanejunior

My Speech at the White House

thegoldengates-blog

tamerlanejunior:

Good afternoon, my name is Tamerlane Sanchez, and first and foremost, I’d like to thank the White House for this rare opportunity to share my story to everyone present in the room.

I am here today as a 24 year old gay Vietnamese-Filipino American, representing the AQUA program of the Asian & Pacific Islander Wellness Center in San Francisco, CA. AQUA stands for Asian & Pacific Islanders, Queer & Questioning, under 25, Altogether, and is a program for LGBTQ youth, ages 16-24. Because of AQUA, I am the confident and beautiful young man that I am today, *Hair flip* and I want to share this story with you.

Growing up as a gay youth in a dual-Asian household in a upper-middle class suburban presents many challenges, not to mention all the challenges growing up as a youth. As you can probably tell, although I may not look like your typical “youth” I went through many of the same issues and hardships that queer youth go through everyday that made me question my identity, my existence at many points in my life. One of these issues is the acceptance of my family.

My family means the world to me. I know that I will always have their love and support. But because of the torment and bullying I received in high school, I was made to believe that I was less worthy than the “normal” straight people around me. It was because of this bullying that created a huge sense of fear and doubt in regards to my family being okay with my sexuality. For the first time in my life, I was hiding from my family, something which I hated but felt obligated to do because I was made to believe that being gay wasn’t right. I didn’t want to give my family a reason to not love me.

When I graduated from high school, I went to college and was closeted because of those same fears. It wasn’t until I was introduced to a program called Project 333 that started my growth and journey into loving and accepting myself as a gay young man.

Project 333 was a collaborative project with the Asian American Recovery Services and the Asian & Pacific Islander Wellness Center. Through Project 333 I learned invaluable information in regards to sex and health education, specifically HIV/AIDS and STDs, as well as self awareness and identity. Upon graduating from Project 333, I became a Peer Leader of the AQUA program and have been a Peer Leader now for 4 years.

The confidence that these programs and services gave me allowed me to fully come out to my family. Last year, on a sunny summer day, my dad called me into his office and sat me down. Not knowing the reason, I sat there, smiled, but as these words came out of his mouth, my smile turned into a racing heartbeat and gallons of sweat. “son, are you gay?”

A million things popped into my head as a response to him, but as I looked into his eyes, I knew I had to tell him the truth. I remember everything I learned through Project 333 and AQUA, and with full confidence, I replied, “Yes, Dad, I’m gay.”

I remember there was silence and before I knew it my dad and I were hugging and crying together. What was more powerful, was when my dad took me by the hand walked me unto the kitchen, looked at my mom, and said, “mama, I’d like you to meet our gay son.”

I share this story with you today as a queer youth that was bullied and taunted into believing I was less human which made me question myself and my existence. And because of culturally competent and sensitive programs and services like AQUA, I was able to fully accept myself and live an honest life. I am an adocate and peer leader in my community because of AQUA, teaching my peers about the very things that gave me confidence in regards to sex and health education and self awareness and identity.

I strongly urge that the White House take my story an these other stories into account when funding programs and services like the ones the Asian & Pacific Islander Wellness Center provides. It is needed. For me, for my peers, and for future queer youth. Thank you.

[source]

TJ, thank you for submitting this - Titles of Drama

#lgbt #lgbtq

Gayasian American: A minority within a minority

Gay and Asian. For some, it's like being a minority within another minority. “I think it amplified the feeling that we were different,” Andrew Hamano said. “Adding on now that I was gay and Asian – at least I could hide being gay whereas you couldn't hide being Asian.”

For others, it meant confronting the cultural stigmas within many Asian-American households. “Being Asian American, you just hear about parents basically disowning their children,” said Mitch Dao, a 26-year-old Vietnamese American. “That's what I was scared about.” Many are faced with the question of when did they know they were gay or when did they choose to be gay. All agreed, it is just who they are. “When people ask me that question, I ask them how long they’ve known that they were straight,” Stephen-Henry Bae said. “They can never answer and I can never answer either. When you hit puberty, you start liking boys and girls, and I just realized I liked one more than the other.”

Coming Out Every homosexual has a unique experience when they decide to share their orientation with their loved ones. For some, it is an intimate talk with close friends and family. However for Thanh Ngo, it was something much more public and abrupt.

Being a model, he said he often travels for his job. Subsequently, the media is always around him and his industry. A quote was picked up in a publication and he was out to his family before he chose to be.

"I didn't tell my parents," the 25-year-old Ngo said. "They actually read it in a magazine that I was doing an interview for. They weren't really happy about that. ... They were really in shock because when you read something, it's more shocking than when you are being told by someone."

Bae, 20, came out to the world in his blog on Jan. 4, 2010. That was easy, he said, compared to telling his family and friends in person.

"It's much harder because I have been blatantly lying to a lot of them," Bae said. "And on top of that, a lot of them being both Korean and Christian, which is what most of my world is, it definitely was harder coming out to close people."

He said the reaction from his family and friends ranged from denial to shock to anger.

"They (my family) weren't willing to accept it," Bae said. "I think a lot had to do with their heritage. Over there (Korea), the culture simply doesn't even acknowledge that people like me exist."

Twenty-five-year-old Alex Paramore, an adopted Korean American, came out when she was 22. But it was not a surprised to her friends and family.

“My parents, they knew,” she said. “They were waiting for me to say it.”

Paramore said the support system she received from her friends and family made the transistion easier.

Dao said he came out to his best friend Amy in 2004, a year before coming out to his parents.

"I think the reason for that was I needed to talk to someone," he said. "It's difficult to hide yourself. I just needed someone to talk to. I was living a double life. It's hard to lie to yourself. I came out to her to relieve myself from being hidden."

Dao said the way he came out to his family was a scary experience – his mother had found homosexual-networking websites bookmarked on his computer.

"When my parents first asked me, I denied it a few times," he said. "After coming out, my parents told me they'd love me regardless of what my orientation is, so that made me feel a lot better, but I still felt uncomfortable being myself."

Twenty-three-year-old "Spencer," who asked to stay anonymous because he has not told his family, said he tried coming out to friends as a freshman in high school. Unfortunately it did not go well and has made him reluctant to share that bit about his life with others.

"I had figured it out and (was) becoming more comfortable or accepting that I'm more attracted to guys, and I told these two girls about how I was feeling and I wanted to share it with them because I had trusted them," Spencer said. " ... I find out a week after that they had told everyone.

"It was really traumatizing and I didn't take it very well. I flunked out of the school and I had to change schools and start fresh as a sophomore."

Vicki Taniwaki, 50, came out in the early 1980s to her family and friends – a fact, she said, was not surprisinging to her mother or friends. A time when there were not as many visible gay Asians, particularly in Colorado, Taniwaki described her experience as transformative.

"It was a mixture of being both quite liberating on the one hand, but also very intimidating and isolating because, as you can imagine, there really weren't any role models," she said.

Hamano, 60, said he didn't come out until he was 32. A lawyer in the early stages of his career, he was dealing with his sexual orientation and felt that being gay was going to be a hindrance for his professional progress.

"You could still get fired and it just was a situation where even if you didn't get fired, I perceived it would hamper professional development," he said.

But hiding his true nature was taking a toll on his mental health. And before he could come out to anyone, he had to come to terms with it himself.

"For me, it (coming out) meant I personally could come to grips and start dealing with it," he said. "It didn't mean I was 'out' to anyone in my family or my friends. To me the initial step was I was willing to admit to myself that I was gay."

Living a Double Life Bae said he never intended on ever coming out. A Korean American and devout Christian, he wanted to just live his life and be a successful, single man in the public eye.

"Before I came out, I claimed I was my biggest critic," Bae said. "Every time I would control how my voice sounded. I would control my pitch, I would control my register, I would control things I liked, like 'Sex and the City.'"

He wanted to follow the path of actor Robert Reed, the father on "The Brady Bunch," who took the secret of his homosexuality to his grave. But realizing that people like Reed lived difficult lives, he decided to forego his plan and open himself up.

However being a religious individual, Bae has been pondering on how his religion coincides with his orientation. He asked friends to ask their pastors for advice.

"One of them is completely radical and said that the bible is completely the way people interpret it, so you can be gay, you can be a Christian and God wants gays to be just as happy as straights – that includes dating and your love life," he said. "The other pastor tried to convince my friend that sexuality can be changed by prayer. So they're both very extreme views."

For Ngo, who is Catholic, he said he feels that being gay has nothing to do with his own faith.

"I believe that God doesn't judge you because you're gay," he said. "He judges you by the things you do. And if you are a good person and you do all this good stuff in your life and if he were to cast you to go to hell because you were gay, what kind of a god would he be?"

Coming out, Ngo said, created an chance to be who he really is rather than trying to pretend he was something he was not.

"When I came out, I felt more fulfilled and it gave me an opportunity to be myself," he said.

For Spencer, he repressed his feelings after his experience as a freshman in high school. It wasn't until he moved away to college that he felt he was allowed to discover himself.

"Being able to date people and have a relationship because I wasn't confined to come home to my family every day, I was able to live a life and not keep a secret because I had become independent," Spencer said.

Gay in an Asian-American World Among the interviewees, a prevalent opinion was that being gay is a taboo in most Asian households.

"I think we view our cultures as being somewhat conservative and certainly focused on family and having kids, passing on the family name – all of that," Hamano said. "So I always perceived it would always be a very not supportive community."

However, his experiences and reactions from within the community have been positive, he said. He credits that to most of his friends being third, fourth or fifth generation.

"I think within the Japanese-American community, we're more Americanized now, so the views that they have are much more liberal tolerant than let's say my parents of my grandparents," Hamano said.

But for others, like Dao, the notion of saving face for his family is one that still keeps him from being completely open with his sexuality.

"I'm not comfortable being all the way out yet because I'm scared I'm being judged or embarrassing my parents' name," he said.

Bae said growing up he was taught that being gay was not only not an option but reprehensible.

"It seems that the Asian-American community is unaccepting," Bae said."Our parents raise us in a way that teaches us that having sex before marriage and being gay are automatic things that you don't have to think about – they're just horrible. Because of that, I think people are just brainwashed at a young age."

Spencer agreed, saying that he worries about how his family would react based on what he has seen with his lesbian cousin. He said although his family appears supportive on the surface, he hears the talk that goes on behind her back.

"On the one hand I'd like to think the family is perceptive and accepting, just because of the fact that I have a gay cousin who got married," Spencer said. "But I know the flipside is that they don't really agree or support them."

For some, the topic of being gay is simply not talked about. Taniwaki said that when she brings someone to Asian-American functions, that person is "just sort of there" as no one brings up the subject.

"If I could put one word to it, it would be avoidance," Taniwaki said. "It's not really talked about. Nobody has ever, ever, ever asked me anything personal in that regard."

Ngo said he shares similar experiences and never discusses his personal life with his family.

"Basically my family, everyone knows," he said. "Since my parents are really conservative and really religious, we just don't talk about it."

Asian American in a Gay World Being an gay Asian American in Colorado is something that is rare, according to the interviewees. Having come out in the early '80s, Taniwaki said it was a long time before she saw others like her around town.

"For a very long time, I was the only Asian in any of the women's bars and I didn't notice until sometime in the mid-90s, I would see a couple more Asian women, although much younger than me," she said. "But I recall thinking to myself, if my presence in the bars encouraged these other women to show up, then I've done at least one thing positive for this community."

Even today, the number of gay Asians who go out is limited, Paramore said.

“The places I go to, there’s a grand total of four of us (Asians),” she said.

Ngo said he shares similar sentiments.

"I think I add more diversity to the (gay) community because you see a lot of white and Latino, but you don't see a lot of Asian people who are gay," he said. "There are probably, but they're not out or afraid to come out."

The lack of openly gay Asians is a factor, but Hamano said the gay community is a reflection of the majority community. But as is with the majority community, there are many Asian Americans who are marrying outside of their race.

"Much like the majority society, when you're dating or when you're with somebody, being Asian you find a lot more outmarriages," Hamano said. "So you tend to see more of that in the gay Asian population just as you do in the majority one."

Living in New York, Spencer said the gay community is much more pronounced and he has been able to meet other gay Asians.

"I know a few other gay Asian guys and it's always really cool to know people who look like you and who have the same types of cultural values or upbringing that you have," Spencer said.

Dao said he moved out to Los Angeles in order to expand his dating pool so that it would include more Asian Americans.

"Prior to (my current boyfriend) John, who's Cambodian, all my boyfriends were white," Dao said. "I felt like i needed to connect to someone who's my own race."

For Ngo, being Asian creates opportunities to meet people when he goes out to cities with larger gay populations.

"When I go to LA and New York to work, I get a lot more attention because I guess a lot of guys like Asian guys, so I get a lot more attention," Ngo said. " ... At the same time, it's hard to date when you're Asian because a lot of guys, especially white, like dating other white guys. Being Asian doesn't give you that much opportunity to date."

For Spencer, there's certainly a difference between meeting people who have an interest in who he is as compared to people wanting to meet him simply because he is Asian.

"You can tell when someone's talking to you just genuinely because you're interesting or attractive, but you can also tell when someone's talking to you because they'll literally just say, 'I've been to Thailand a few times,'" Spencer said. "And they'll have all these preconceived notions of what you're like. There's a stereotype that all Asian guys are very effeminate and passive."

The effeminate and passive stereotype has a name, Dao said.

"They have a name for us – we're twink Asians," Dao said. "I feel it's derogatory toward us Asians sometimes, too, because the word basically means ... skinny Asian, feminine boy."

Taniwaki said she believes she is still often seen as novelty when she goes out in Colorado because there are not many gay Asians here. But because of that, the Asians stereotypes become amplified.

"I don't think I have faced as much racial or socioeconomic or gender discrimination in the general community as much as I have in the gay community," Taniwaki said. "It's very odd and it's always puzzled that a community that is already marginalized would perpetuate that marginalization among its own, but it happens and it's very distinct and it's very clear."

These stereotypes are just things that Asians face in the majority society, Hamano said.

"There are those who certainly have prejudicial views of any minority, even though you think they shouldn't, but they do," he said. "I would say it's not any different from being Asian within society in general. You're going to find all types there."

However, Bae said he sees much of what he has experienced as simply others poking fun and making light of him rather than putting him on a pedastal.

"Some people see it as degrading, but they're treating me as an equal – they don't put me on a booster seat," he said. "They're as inconsiderate to me as they are inconsiderate to others."

Looking Forward Growing up, Taniwaki said, there were not any role models for gay Asian Americans. But now, she said she enjoys seeing Asian-American celebrities who come out.

"I am still tickled to death when I hear things like George Takei coming out," she said. "I was just thrilled with that because it puts a face and a name to us. And for him, it was a very courageous thing to do."

Perhaps these role models will help those, like Spencer, whose living away from Colorado has allowed him to feel more comfortable in his own skin. But when he is back home to visit, he still feels it is necessary to lead his double life.

"I think people have preconceived notions in my family about what being gay is," Spencer said, "and I don't want people to either dismiss it and write it off as some sort of phase, or be completely rejecting me."

Despite some hardships and discrimination since he came out, Bae said he finally felt he was being himself.

"After I came out, I liked myself."

[source]

-Titles of Drama

#LGBT #LGBTQ #Asian #Gay #Gay culture #gay community #Gaysian

The Tyra Show - The Gay Kingdom

The first part has some static and there's a delay with the sound for the first part, not to mention Tyra's typical "pat myself on the back because I'm Tyra" speech at the beginning. But this episode is a social experiment about how we in the Gay community rank each other and feel about each other based off of stereotypes.

part 2

part 3

Part 4

part 5

-titles of drama

#lgbt #lgbtq

thegoldengates-blog

Prop 8

thegoldengates-blog

I'm reblogging a post I wrote about Prop 8 a year ago, mainly because New York recently passed a law allowing Same Sex marriages to be recognized by the state government. Enjoy. Feel free to leave a message in my ask box for comments, critiques, etc. - Titles of Drama

thegoldengates:

Initially I was started this blog as a commentary on the Gay scene, particularly the gay social scene, of San Francisco. However, I feel as though this is an important topic to discuss, and it’s not too far off as this is a part of the gay scene of San Francisco.

First and foremost, I want to make it clear that I fully support same-sex marriage. I want to say that because sometimes I write and become flustered trying to get my point across and which may sound unclear.

I just find a lot of the arguments made by the supporters of prop 8 just hilarious. Let’s dissect them shall we?

Marriage is a religious institution and by many religious practices, has been defined by one man and one woman. True, marriage began as a religious institution. However, in the eyes of the government, it is nothing more than a legally binding CONTRACT between two consenting adults. Whatever fluff and stuffing a religion has for their definition of marriage is only between that institute and the people who practice it. If many religious bodies feel as though the government has no right to define what they can call a marriage, they’re right. Religious institutes do not need to recognize any marriage they do not agree with because chances are those two people probably won’t be going there to get married anyway. HOWEVER, if they keep saying that marriage is a religious practice and must then adhere to it, then the government has no reason nor any right to recognize ANY marriage because of separation of church and state. Therefore, NO MARRIAGE should be recognized by the government, whether it is heterosexual or homosexual and EVERYTHING is a domestic partnership and everything is still equal. However, since domestic partnerships do not always get the same rights as marriages do, how is everything equal?

Being gay is unnatural. Hate to break it to you, but neither is the concept of marriage. Humans by nature are not monogamous creatures. We are not penguins, so stop with those damn emo drawings. What evidence supports this? read this at Psychology Today. This is why marriage is something people have to work at, even if the two people are soul mates. Therefore the idea that two people can grow and evolve and learn at the same pace, which basically marriage is, is unnatural. Historically, marriage was not even about love, but about securing power. This is why arranged marriages span throughout many cultures throughout history and was a common practice, even until today. What is the best way a powerful family can secure their throne and power from another threatening powerful family? By marrying the two families together, duh! How would one family gain more power and raise their status socially? By marrying up! This would explain why many of the royal families of Europe are somehow related to each other (through extended and distant relations, however related nonetheless). So saying that being gay is unnatural (which i believe is not true also) while arguing that something is unnatural shouldn’t have the right to something unnatural is kind stupid right?

Same-sex marriage will ruin marriage in general, especially for straight people, which will make it seem unimportant. I’m sorry, but you heterosexuals are doing that just fine yourselves. Although it is a common misconception that divorce rates are at 50%, this is actually pertaining to new marriages. Even then, 1 out of 2 marriages between 2 people who have never been married before will end in divorce. That is still really high. By hastily rushing into marriages, that is making marriage seem as though it is not that serious. Again, marriage is really just a legally binding contract between two adults, and wouldn’t you enter into any kind of contract with caution and hesitation? So what makes marriage any different? It’s because of the easy way out of it. If you really want marriage to not lose it’s meaning, then not recognizing same-sex marriage is not the way to do it. Banning divorce making it a crime to cheat on your spouse will. By making it difficult or even impossible to get out of a marriage and making it illegal for you even think about ruining your marriage, maybe people will be less likely to rush into it and make sure that for life is actually for life.

Children need a father and mother figure to be raised in a proper setting. If children are raised in a same-sex household, they will not be raised properly. Then how come many children are raised in single parent homes and still become contributing adults to society? And how come there are children raised in houses where both parents are present but still are not contributing to society? If this is the argument to have the best intentions for children, then having children outside marriage should be illegal. Parents who do not have both parents at home (whether the parents are separated, one is serving in the military, one is incarcerated, hell even if both parents are working and cannot be at home) should be banned as well. The job of being a nanny should be outlawed as it is not the parents who are raising them. And the simple reason of not having both biological parents who are not married present is reason enough for the government to be able to take children away from people. However, the government won’t be doing that. And if the purpose of marriage is to procreate, then there should be some test during the marrying process to make sure those who are marrying are actually able to have a baby and the marriage is only valid once a baby is conceived. And once a woman hits menopause or the man hits andropause, the marriage is no longer valid as either one or both are not able to conceive. Unfortunately, neither of this will ever happen either.

By recognizing same-sex marriage, that means companies will have to face the burden of providing the same benefits to these marriages, giving them higher costs of operations. That actually really applies for any kind of marriage, whether it is heterosexual or homosexual. If you want to cut back on employee benefits, the only real way to have to do that is by hiring single people. Financially, same-sex marriage can only benefit the government. According to Forbes Magazine as of last year, by not legalizing gay marriage it was estimated that the economy would lose $10 Billion dollars. Considering that California is billions of dollars in debt, wouldn’t you think that California want that money? With this happening, it would provide more jobs and stimulate the economy at least a little bit.

Funny isn’t it? Now we just have to wait and hope that the appeal made by the supporters of Prop 8 fails.

-Titles of Drama

#gay #gay culture #gay community #LGBT #LGBTQ

erichamg

Here in California, the one that’s important to me is Prop 8. What broke my heart, you know—I’m watching the news, and there were, you know, like, a lot of the black churches got together, and they were rallying, you know, they were FOR Prop 8; I’m like, come on—it’s discrimination! I mean, discrimination is discrimination. And of all people, black people should know discrimination and you’re going to vote and get discrimination in the Constitution? I mean, that’s … I know African-Americans, they get upset. They’re like, “Black and gay, that’s totally different things. We had it hard.” And I’m like, “Yeah, I get it. I’m black. I know. I get it”. You know. But there’s things that gay people have to go through that black people didn’t have to go through. I never had to come out black. Never had to sit my family down and tell them about my blackness. Have a little talk with my employer, let him know about my “black lifestyle”. Mom, dad, I gotta tell you something. Hope you still love me. I’m black. You know, and my mother: “Not black, Lord! Anything but black, Jesus! Anything but black! What did I do, what did I do? It was “Soul Train” wasn’t it? I shouldn’t have let you watch ‘Soul Train’.” “No, ma, that’s just me—I mean, I just feel like I was born black”. “No, you weren’t born black. The bible says Adam and Eve; it doesn’t say Adam and Mary J. Blige”.

Wanda Sykes on Ellen (via erichamg)

#gay #gay culture #gay community #LGBT #LGBTQ

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