The Grey

[thegreysworld]

“Oh the horror it is to be a little girl of just eleven years old— to awake to a world where you will never be seen as anything but a perversion.”

[thegreysworld]

“Often I disappear into my mind palace, hiding within the ruins of myself. It is only there my pain cannot reach me— but death makes her bed for me, and I am closer to laying in it than living.”

[thegreysworld]

“I was born with the purpose of being used, and now that my life is my own—I do not know what to do with it. How can I be thankful for a freedom that has made me lost?”

[thegreysworld]

“I wish so desperately to be held like a child again, to be rocked to sleep and cradled as if were precious.”

[thegreysworld]

“To be a woman is to be a deer—never knowing when your going to be killed for sport.”

[thegreysworld]

“The rain is new today, it does not feel the tears of a thousand. It feels like stars falling from the sky.”

[thegreysworld]

“The curse of wielding a mothers love and a fathers hatred. To forgive like a saint, too burn like a god.”

[thegreysworld]

“God did not know what to do with me, so he cast me into the ocean and told the tides to take me instead; he never did come back— not even for the body.”

[thegreysworld]

“I will forever ache for the childhood I could’ve lived—The mere thought of it brings me more grief than the dead.”

[thegreysworld]

“He hollowed me out and carved a home inside myself. My body a cage for him to hide from his consequences.”

[thegreysworld]

“I have been trained for this. To bruise, to break—to obey. I dedicated my life to your mandates, to your rules—and I did it well. So why is it I feel abandoned?”

[thegreysworld]

“Lord—if I am to be damned, do not let me beg for forgiveness. My knees are as weak as my prayers for mercy.”

[thegreysworld]

“I am the product of a little girls dreams and a mans cruelty, I have seen the fall of my mother and felt the claws of my father—I could not escape my fate even as his daughter; ‘and nor will you as a mother’ she whispered.”

[thegreysworld]

“A cruel thing it is to be left with the responsibility of having to heal yourself from a pain a person caused. It was of no fault of my own, but somehow i have received a far harsher punishment than the one who was guilty.”

[thegreysworld]

“I know it’s messy, but it’s all I have—My life was not given to me at birth, it was something I had to take back; Even in all its brokenness.”

[thegreysworld]

“I am an act of rebellion. My survival consisting purely out of hate and spite for those who did me wrong. I will not see the darkness—I will not die, I rebuke it; A selfish thing to live by maybe—but a survivor nonetheless. No?”

[thegreysworld]

“Humiliate me—Engulf me, destroy me. Do something with this, I beg of you. Do not leave me like this—I am not whole. This freedom—it is not right. I do not know what to do with it. It has made me lost. You have made me lost.