May 20th, 2026:
Can humanity ever change ? Or our recurring problems just human nature ?
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@thehumanexperience8b
May 20th, 2026:
Can humanity ever change ? Or our recurring problems just human nature ?
May 1st, 2026: Helpless (Part II)
After I brought her home, I felt feelings of sorrow and grief for her. Oh, how I SO wish I could make her do what I say!!! But I know I'm not an omniscient being who knows what's best for her with no doubt. Her path is her own, I have to let go of the idea of the wheel I never had. But I also felt so happy and grateful for myself. Just beaming with excitement about life, a radiant, bright feeling that I'm doing good, and I am so lucky to have my Evan right now, and my love for myself. I have such a healthy relationship with him. Not only do we have chemistry: liking the same music, watching movies together, similar interests, etc. But we have compatibility. I feel free to be myself around him, we both want to be married and have babies, we can communicate with each other, we support each other's ideas and dreams, I never question if he loves me, and I love him just the way he is. We're even supported by each other's families. This is how I see most relationships fail at my age. Do you have lots of chemistry with your partner but no long term compatibility? The hard pill to swallow is you're probably better as friends, but understanding it now will make it easier to find the right one in the future. I always think this: when one door closes, a window opens. But you can't fight the door to open back up. Look out the window. You might regret wasting so much time on that door if you're greeted by the light of the garden outside. Hearing her stories always makes me so grateful for what I have. Even when I was single, it made me realize I'm just so proud of who I've become. Sometimes she reminds me of who I am naught any longer, and a past I tend to forget. But my soul always remembers, and that's why everyday I do my best, and I try and help people who were like me, who needed guidance like I did. I'm grateful for the rain, and flowers, not because I always love rain, but because I've been given the gift of experiencing it. If you know how, the greatest floods will not drown out the life cast beneath it. That's why I'm not scared of the bad days that will inevitably come. "その過去を 捨てて ここまでおいで。" "Throwing that past away, I’ve come this far." -耳のあるロボットの唄 (Song of The Eared Robot), 重音テト (Kasane Teto)
May 1st, 2026: Helpless (Part I)
Now this blog is about my personal life and thoughts so I'm not going to share details about this person's specific situation. Recently as of last month a close friend of mine that I've known for many years told me about a new relationship she got into with a 37 year old man, and she's 20. No matter the relationship she always picks abusive partners and stays. She wants to give them love so they'll change and one day treat her with respect, she's truly such a kind person and her caring nature is frequently taken advantage of. But of course, these types of partners don't change. But she doesn't have the self esteem to leave. I remember what that was like when I was being abused a few years back, I pray that one day she'll understand why it's not worth it. I stand by her as a friend and watch her cry, become depressed, stop taking care of herself or hurt herself because of these people. I tell her, I plead with her, "you're being abused", "a good man wouldn't do this to you", "this is wrong", "I can't support this". She understands that these relationships aren't healthy, she knows she needs to work on her life, but she stays because she hates being alone; she'll stay with someone until the pain becomes too much. I've witnessed this cycle for years, yet it's gotten worse. She will always blame herself for all of the grievances of the relationship until it's over, and she can see it for what it actually was. Until it ends, I can only do so much to help. She called me at 9:OOa.m. on Wednesday, April 29th, and told me she was feeling suicidal because her very problematic "boyfriend" was having a temper tantrum and stopped talking to her for a day. She wanted to spend some time with me so I picked her up and we drove around. It was such a beautiful day and I was happy I was awake so early this morning. I told her, please, "why don't you try and stay off the phone for now? I'm here for you." She agreed it would be best, but through out the day she was fighting constant urges to check her phone to see if he texted. Eventually, I gave up trying to stop her, but she did leave her phone in my bag while we were outside. We first took a trip down to the library so I could return a book, while I looked around for other books, I asked her what she likes to read. But she said she just wasn't much of a reading person. We stayed for about 5 minutes, but I knew it was time to go when I saw her just sitting at the reding table looking absolutely miserable and crestfallen. Crestfallen, I like that word. I picked up two books on the Qur'an; I liked the quiet in the library. We went to a nearby swimming pond and sat on a bench for a few minutes, then she wanted to leave, although it was so peaceful with no one around but one man fishing. I asked her where she wanted to go next and she said the town hall park. In the car, I put on the AC for her and just felt the coolness as I watched the sun hit the trees driving by. We had a long talk at the park. She told me about all the stupid things he's said and done, and how he's made her feel. She has BPD and bipolar disorder, so she has special requirements in relationships that some people are just not emotionally ready for. She tells me he has issues like her too, and that's why he abuses her, and that's why she puts up with it. They're similar, she thinks that a good thing. She thinks she needs to read me the screenshots of their conversations to understand her side, but I already know everything I need to form an objective opinion on her man and what their relationship is. There's two good things that come from her talking to me about her "boyfriend". One is she knows I'm here to support her and she won't be left alone with this man. The second is I think, or I hope, my words of TRUTH slowly chip at her patience with him. She knows subconsciously that she shouldn't be treated like this, she doesn't deserve to be abused, she deserves better and there's someone better out there, and my words help consolidate those thoughts. (...continued on next post)
March 20th, 2026: 11:54pm
Today is the first day of Spring. It was rainy and chilly, but this morning it was sunny for a while, and I enjoyed having my window open. I didn't do much magickal stuff for the equinox, but I did spend a few hours with my boyfriend when I was buying some baking supplies for banana pudding and we had dominos after. I love him very much. I think today went well, even though I didn't do any of the things I did last year. I'm feeling depressed. But not in the usual way. I feel that my soul has been compressed and sat on... but it's not depression or bipolar, it's just intaking my environment and reality. But I'm still very motivated and happy sometimes through out the day, I'm just very CHILL lately, and a little numb. My creativity strikes at night so I've been drawing, writing, reading... but that's also when I noticed the apathy. I'm nonchalant. The worst thing to be. The opposite of love is indifference.
March 20th, 2026: Rain Is Good For The Flowers.
Songs to listen to while reading: hydrate! • a frutiger aero playlist
I've been interested in webcore and Frutiger Aero aesthetics and art lately, although I've always been into retro stuff. Especially since I have become more interested in abstract art since indulging in ENA content again, it introduced me to more... abstract, geometric, cyber music, like Oliver Buckland and Graham Kartna. It takes me to a different place. I was trying to study some Japanese from my textbook from 8th grade, and I wanted some background music, so I thought of pulling up a Frutiger Aero themed playlist, the music is calm and it helps with feeling positive and focused. But I started to daydream like usual, and while I was looking at the background image of this fairytale future world that designers from the 2000's imagined we'd have, I started to feel... a strange feeling I can't really explain. Usually with nostalgia I don't feel bad. I look back at my Shopkins, and my My Little Pony's, and my Lisa Frank stickers, and I reminisce, and I feel happy thinking about the good childhood memories. Sometimes I can feel a slight mourning of the girl I used to be. But childhood was rough, so I more am mourning innocence, security, the stability of life, and the connection I felt with family when I was that young. Looking at the modern Frutiger Aero aesthetic is similar, I think. But I wasn't really active on the internet during it's peak, I was born in 2006, and really only started getting online probably around 2013. And if you really care, I am aware there is a difference between modern Frutiger Aero style and the actual artistic renderings used on devices in the early 2000's. But the feeling's still there. What was once a feeling of an optimistic look into the future, is a broken promise today. I, and a lot of my generation love this internet aesthetic, but we also understand that this time is gone. It's almost like it was supposed to be real. Technology was going to be symbiotic with nature, and our lives and benefit the world. We would have clean water, bright cities, thriving ecosystems. In these pictures, the Earth is glossy, clear, one color like we're all united and peaceful. The internet used to be a place that we would go to play games and talk to people, and have fun. Now we have to log off on purpose because we can't escape it. Many of our lives revolve around online, and there's so much negativity because our reality is BLEAK. Countries we live in are at war over stupid shit, in America, we are all unsafe because of our government. Especially under the Trump administration, every single persons rights are being taken away, we can't afford to live anymore. Because the Epstein files have infiltrated practically every single government and billionaire, the people who run our world, we truly understand that we need reform and we cannot allow these pedophiles and rapists to be the richest, most well off people in the world. That is really scary to think about, and I know I feel very powerless and worthless, paranoid, unsafe and nihilistic. I spend most of my energy during the day trying to stay happy and positive, because I want to believe all the pain will be over soon. And I break when my positivity does work on other people, because I want them to feel okay, like they're not alone, too. So I'm looking at this aesthetic, sadly grieving what my life could have been, our life could have been. I almost started to cry... but I've thought about it, and there is a revival of this aesthetic not just for nostalgia, but as hope. We can still change our realities to be someday this harmonious world between technology and Earth, connection to nature and online, work and life, progression without pollution. A world without corruption, a world without strife, hunger, war, illness, pain... it might seem impossible and naïve. But it is said, if you shoot for the moon, you'll land upon the stars. So I think we should strive to go higher and higher. And maybe someday we will find the utopia we dream of.
Starting to incorporate more aesthetic into my life. I just downloaded this old windows theme taskbar from a suggestion on Reddit. My wallpaper is ENA... not Frutiger Aero, but it is webcore. Weirdly enough I started using an old wired mouse instead of my wireless one because I was frustrated about not being able to change the battery. It helps.
March 10th, 2026: Apathetic and Tired
Song to listen to while reading: Browser History, Graham Kartna.
2021 was very nostalgic for me. 2020 and 2022 are as well, but 2021 contained the most devastating, painful, life changing, happy, transforming months of my life; I think that's why I'm so obsessed with it. It doesn't help that I don't remember much of it, I had been addicted to vaping weed all throughout that year and late 2022, which makes me more curious to revisit what I missed. I really agree with the thought that all of our brains where stunted during COVID, and many of us are... stuck thinking about it for some reason. There's even the phenomenon of yearning for that painful time, or wanting to go back to lockdown, which is a thoroughly documented experience. I get it. I've wanted so many times to just go back for a day without actually processing what it actually means. Maybe it's like that psychological response that mother's develop after childbirth, it's so painful their minds forget it.
I had so many fun times, I dressed up with my brother, I could stay home and talk to my friends all day, I didn't have school for a long time, and online classes were very lax because no one was prepared for the shift. I was very passionate about Homestuck, and ENA, which I've been rewatching and thinking about everyday lately. I want to expand more on her world someday. I felt so connected, online everyone would talk about COVID, people were coming up with fun things to do while stuck at home. We were all struggling together, and there was no right or wrong side. I can't stress how nice it was to just be in a server with my friends, where we'd talk everyday, and text each other during classes. I had the SAME friends, everyone liked talking to me, and I wasn't being pushed out of my comfort zone to make new friends because that life wasn't lacking. I'm missing that now, and it's been that way for years. When online classes stopped, everyone separated... I've always been a little salty that right about the beginning of 2022, I was really noticing that my friends had started talking with my brother more, and preferred to spend their time with him, and I felt abandoned. Whether my brother wants to argue that everyone is still my friend, that none of them left... This fact remains: EVERYONE is disconnected from me. My close friends, faraway friends, my best friends. It had gotten so bad just as recently as last year, that on April 13th, 2025, I drove myself to one of my best friend's house. No contact, without saying anything to her. We hadn't talked in months, and stayed far away from each other for two years because of a falling out, which was complicated. I was SO LONELY and detached from the world that I was in and out of psychosis multiple times that April, desperately searching for anyone who felt real, like they weren't all robots, that the world wasn't actually literally deserted. She was the only person I knew could understand, who would listen, and be alive. It took years to reach a breaking point so big I felt like I was on a completely different level of existence from everyone else. Like I knew something they all didn't. That I knew they weren't real people. But that's a tangent. Nevermind.
What I really hope, is that this year is similar. Maybe this year will be so bad, in the future I forget how bad it was and yearn to be back!! Back to a familiar time... in the future, today won't be unknown anymore. God, what the hell is wrong with our reality right now? I have never felt so powerless in this world. Starting in January of this year, our president decided to kidnap Maduro of Venezuela, and I immediately knew... This year was going to get bad. And it did because I started getting really invested in the Epstein files. That will ruin anyone's perception of reality. Life is absurd, hahaha hahaaa!! Sometimes I have passing thoughts of just pulling the plug on trying out this whole LIFE thing, but remember!! Kill yourself, and the elites win. Well!! I'm feeling really good. Been really hyper. I haven't slept since who knows. It was just daylight savings time so I'm happy I can see more of the sun as a night-person. I also took my bike out for a quick ride today. It was the first day above 60 degrees this year and the last snowfall is finally starting to melt. I love snow and I'm so glad we got lots this year, but it's almost springtime now!! I miss going outside in shorts and I miss my sunscreen. I'm over it!!!!
"YOU'RE ALL LIVING A LIE!" -ENA, Temptation Stairway 2021
Title / / 333/2026/33333 / /
.҉ My existence ᵉˣⁱˢᵗᵉⁿᶜᵉ is so short Death is a part of life , , , , One day it will take me , t o o I will be gone 。。。 and イttt will be Like nothing happened at all 𝕃𝕚𝕜𝕖 𝕟𝕠𝕥𝕙𝕚𝕟𝕘 𝕙𝕒𝕡𝕡𝕖𝕟𝕖𝕕 𝕒𝕥 𝕒𝕝𝕝 not░hing ha░pp░en░ed a░t░ aa a a a a aaa ░ll 𝐧𝐨𝐭𝐡𝐢𝐧𝐠 nothing ░░ ░░░░░░░ ░ⁿᵒᵗʰⁱⁿᵍ░ ░ ░ ░░ ░ ░ ░ ░ ░ ░░ ░ ░ g g g g g g ꗃ
◻︎ ◻︎
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𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ𓂅ꔛ 𓂅ꔛ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ꩇׁׅ݊ ﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆ ﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆ ﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆ ﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆ ﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆﹆ ﹆﹆﹆﹆ ﹆﹆ ﹆
May 10th, 2025: It's A Sign.
[I am going to purposefully ignore the fact that I never write anymore because of the obvious reason that I am myself. Will post about it eventually.]
I'm continuously thinking of ways people try to disprove or critique mysticism or religion or magick, and maybe I'm thinking about that constantly because I also want proof of their existence. There is a constant battle in my head between the two halves of my psyche, the critic, and the believer. And I have a fear of judgment; and want to talk about these controversial things with actualized points.
Something that comes to mind is, if anything is a sign from god, then nothing is a sign from god, like that quote from the Incredibles where the kid says, “... [Everyone is special] is another way of saying no one is...." but this isn’t true, the distinction is anything COULD be a sign from God. You can say it’s just speculation, you’re just rationalizing. ...And, continue? Life is rationalization, it’s not a thought provoking epiphany; we rationalize every day.
The reason I thought about this was because I was looking back at my old digital art and found lots of drawings about being unhappy and depressed. One caught my eye, being a drawing from January 19th, 2018, with bleeding self-harm wounds from a girl’s arm. I was freshly twelve years old, and it would be many years before I actually started cutting. You can see that in hindsight, these could be signs of my progression of mental illness and self harm. You could also rationalize I was just an angsty teen and it was a coincidence, “edgy” art being a common form of expression by kids online. I’m not really one to believe that there are coincidences, but I do believe in things being random, sometimes. I think the difference is hindsight. Your eyes are opened looking back, you’re blind to the future. Foresight isn’t reliable, so we look for otherworldly signs of what might happen, or what God could be cryptically telling us. But depending on many factors our foresight can be very different. If those signs from God were obvious and provable, we would have solid evidence of God’s existence right there. If the future was spelled in the clouds, if God descended from the heavens to answer your prayers, there would be no room for doubt.
So I could hear you ask, say, “is this a sign from God?” And it’s just a bunch of grapes at the grocery store. You could say obviously it’s not a sign, grapes are in the store everyday, it’s not miraculous. Or I could say of course it’s a sign, you recognize that, you’re just hoping someone else agrees. Maybe we need to rethink what a “sign” even means; because that sign is not going to be obvious. I think if you start to change your mindset, the fact that you believe something so simple a sign at all is, PERHAPS, a message from God themselves. Is it awareness? Is it opening your third eye? Does it matter? Seek and you shall find, correct? You have to have an internal receiver to pick up the transmission. If you don’t try, of course you’re not going to find anything.
"With nothing left we cannot lose. Close your eyes; together, we see the world as we choose. Close your eyes before you take me, although you hate me. For in heaven: there is no heartless madness." -Dynazty, "Heartless Madness" 2020.
Artwork referenced:
April 13th, 2025:
"Achilles, Achilles, Achilles, come down won't you get up off, get up off the roof? You're scaring us, and all of us, some of us love you Achilles, it's not much but there's proof. You crazy-ass cosmonaut, remember your virtue: redemption lies plainly in truth. Just humor us, Achilles, Achilles, come down, won't you get up off, get up off the roof?
["Je vois que beaucoup de gens meurent, parce qu'ils estiment que la vie ne vaut pas la peine d'être vécue. J'en vois d'autres, qui se font paradoxalement tuer pour des idées, pour des illusions, qui leurs donnent une raison de vivre (ce, qu'on appelle une raison de vivre est en même temps une excellente raison de mourir)." ENG: "I see many people die because they judge that life is not worth living. I see others paradoxically getting killed for the ideas or illusions that give them a reason for living (what is called a reason for living is also an excellent reason for dying)."]
Achilles, Achilles, Achilles, come down, won't you get up off, get up off the roof? The self is not so weightless, nor whole and unbroken; remember the pact of our youth. Where you go, I'm going, so jump and I'm jumping, since there is no me without you. Soldier on, Achilles, Achilles, come down, won't you get up off, get up off the roof?
Loathe the way they light candles in Rome, but love the sweet air of the votives. Hurt, and grieve, but don't suffer alone. Engage with the pain as a motive.
Today, of all days, see... How... the most dangerous thing is to love. How... you will heal and you'll rise above.
["D'un gérant d'immeuble qui s'était tué on disait un jour qu'il avait perdu sa fille depuis cinq ans, qu'il avait beaucoup changé depuis et que cette histoire l'avait-" ENG: "A property manager who committed suicide said he lost his daughter five years ago, that he had changed a lot since then and that this story had-"]
"ACHILLES, ACHILLES, ACHILLES, JUMP NOW, YOU ARE ABSENT OF CAUSE OR EXCUSE. SO SELF-INDULGENT, AND SELF-REFERENTIAL, NO AUDIENCE COULD EVER WANT YOU. YOU CRAVE THE APPLAUSE, YET HATE THE ATTENTION; THEN MISS IT, YOUR ACT IS A RUSE. IT IS EMPTY, ACHILLES, SO END IT ALL NOW. IT'S A POINTLESS RESISTANCE FOR YOU."
["Ce qui déclenche la crise est presque toujours incontrôlable. Les journaux parlent souvent de « chagrins intimes » ou de « maladie incurable ». Ces explications sont valables, mais il faudrait savoir si le jour même un ami du désespéré ne lui a pas parlé sur un ton indifférent. Celui‑là est le-" ENG: "What triggers the crisis is almost always out of control. The newspapers often speak of “intimate sorrows” or “incurable disease”. These explanations are valid. But we should know if that very day a friend of the desperate man spoke to him in an indifferent tone. This one is the-"]
Achilles, Achilles, just put down the bottle, don't listen to what you've consumed. It's chaos, confusion, and wholly unworthy of feeding. And it's wholly untrue. You may feel no purpose, nor a point for existing, it's all just conjecture and gloom. And there may not be meaning, so find one and seize it. Do not waste yourself on this roof.
Hear those bells ring deep in the soul, chiming away for a moment. Feel your breath course frankly below, and see life as a worthy opponent.
Today, of all days, see... How... the most dangerous thing is to love. How... you will heal and you'll rise above. Crowned... by an overture bold and beyond. Ah, it's more courageous to overcome.
["Les souvenirs d'une patrie perdue, l'espoir d'une terre promise. Ce divorce entre l'homme de sa vie-" ENG: "Memories of a lost homeland, the hope for a promised land. This divorce between the man of his life-"]
YOU WANT THE ACCLAIM, THE MOTHER OF MOTHERS. (It's not worth it, Achilles.) MORE POIGNANT THAN FAME, OR THE TASTE OF ANOTHER. (Don't listen, Achilles.) BUT BE REAL AND JUST JUMP, YOU DENSE MOTHERFUCKER. (You're worth more, Achilles.) YOU WILL NOT BE MORE THAN A RAT IN THE GUTTER. (So much more than a rat.) YOU WANT MY OPINION, MY OPINION YOU'VE GOT. (No one asked your opinion.) YOU ASKED FOR MY COUNSEL, I GAVE YOU MY THOUGHTS. (No one asked for your thoughts.) BE DONE WITH THIS NOW, AND JUMP OFF THE ROOF. (Be done with this now, and get off the roof.) CAN YOU HEAR ME ACHILLES? I'M TALKING TO YOU, (Can you hear me, Achilles? I'm talking to you,) I'M TALKING TO YOU. (I'm talking to you.) I'm talking to you. I'm talking to you. Achilles, come down. Achilles, come down.
["...celle du oui et celle du non. Ce serait trop beau. Mais il faut faire la part de ceux qui, sans conclure, interrogent toujours. Ici, j'ironise à peine : il s'agit de la majorité. Je vois également que ceux qui répondent non agissent comme s'ils pensaient oui. De fait-" ENG: "…either yes or no. This would be too easy. But allowance must be made for those who, without concluding, continue questioning. Here I am only slightly indulging in irony: this is the majority. I notice also that those who answer “no” act as if they thought “yes.” As a matter of fact-"]
Throw yourself into the unknown, with pace and a fury defiant. Clothe yourself in beauty untold, and see life as a means to a triumph.
Today, of all days, see... How... the most dangerous thing is to love. How... you will heal and you'll rise above. Crowned... by an overture bold and beyond. Ah, it's more courageous to overcome." -Achilles Come Down, Gang Of Youths
I'm alone I'm alone I'm all alone I have no one to talk to I HAVE NO ONE TO TALK TO!!!!!!!
March 26th, 2025: Yeah, I Don't Know Anymore.
I was trying to go to bed on time tonight, but like usual, I can't sleep even when I'm TIRED. Nights and nights.. rows, indefinite nights in a row, I just relive trauma over and over and over again and I can't understand why I don't believe that it's not helpful. I keep reliving these hurtful moments trying to understand why or find a solution to stop the effects or the impact it had on me, how to stop it from changing me. Even though I know it doesn't work like that, I know this can't be helpful. When I go to sleep, I like to imagine that I have a partner who will sleep next to me and love me; I do it automatically at night, I don't want to sleep alone. But it triggers this sequence of feelings and watching certain events happen again and again the same thing every night. Why wasn't I good enough? Why the fuck do I care so much about people who didn't deserve what I gave them? It haunts me, I can't sleep, I just cry and cry. Over and over and over. Searching for something. Every single night.
March 20th, 2025: Daring.
Ever since I got out of high school, I stopped telling myself that I can't do something. i know if I put enough effort, thought and power into something I really want, I can get it. I could be an Olympic bowler if I wanted to. Unfortunately for the world, I'm not that into bowling. But you miss every shot you don't take, and so far, i have no regrets in life. "Push yourself in life, 'cause it will always be worth it." - PewDiePie, "Reacting To My Public Appearances" video.
March 20th, 2025: Gen Z And Our Constant Need to Be Cooler.
This generation is so obsessed with being "chill" and "nonchalant" that we become cruel losers, protecting our fragile self-esteem by making fun of things we don't understand. Cringing at people being themselves, doing what they love or having fun, and making "ironic" jokes and posts to prove to each other how much better THEY are than the person who actually tried something. To hide that they want to be vulnerable and be who they are without the judgement of the same people they have emulated, and become. The real "chill" we should be chasing is the feeling of gratitude for what we have, appreciation of our differences, and appreciation of our similarities. Loving ourselves, and being who we are without shame. Respect for ourselves and others, and an appreciation for life itself. The coolest, chillest people are the ones that recognize this and utilize that knowledge for the better. We need to practice this more. Empathy is power.
March 20th, 2025: Random thought.
{This happened sometime in February]
One night I was having panic attacks and crying inconsolably in my bed again, reliving trauma hoping to find a solution; then suddenly a revelation comes out of nowhere, and pops into my head... "the only way to move on is to trust again." Then I stopped crying. And I went to sleep.
True story, just wanted to share.
they turn us against eachother. instead of actualy doing something as a collective, we argue over the dumbest things and it takes us forever to evolve as a society because there's so much hatred. i'm being fxkin fr right now. i see it all the time, online and in our media, people are AFRAID of being empathetic because they're afraid to be wrong! they're afraid to be an outcast and that is just a social animals behavior. if we move beyond that we could focus on making changes to this world in a positive way. people can do better than what they perceive their limits to be.
March 9th, 2025: 1 YEAR!
I just wanted to say it's been ONE FULL YEAR since this blog got started and I'm so happy that it's 1 year old now! I love this blog and it's a part of me that I have difficulty sharing by talking. I fumble over words, lose my thoughts or get distracted while talking a lot and I forget important details. With my blog, I can express my feelings about the world and let my personality shine through so you can get to know me in the way that's most digestible. Thank you so much for following and more updates soon!!
March 8th, 2024: Happy Women's Day!
Everyday is women's day in my book. Wishing all the ladies a happy day. I don't really have anything to say I just love women.