Last thought before my head hits the pillow.
This month has been rough, I can’t lie. Maybe it’s been rough since like August actually. It’s been a while. I haven’t been myself, or maybe, I’ve been a version of myself that (up until recently) I never realized was a regular thing. I’ve ignored the hole I fall in, almost annually, for about 18 years now. I laid here and thought back years and years and I can pick out waves of depression that ruled me for months, Every. Single. Year. Also, like a good chunk of us, i have never seen a counselor.
My current excuse? Because I am a SAHM that doesn’t have time for herself. That’s true, it is, but it’s becoming more and more clear how much I need to make time for myself. My RBF is getting sad I suppose, because J asked me “what’s wrong momma??” today when I thought I looked happy. My babies don’t need a momma that looks sad....they need a momma that’s healthy and happy. It’s okay to be me and feel the way I do, but it’s not okay to not seek help when available.
So: Lady, I’m talking to you! MAKE. TIME. FOR. YOURSELF.
One more gem: when I’m stuck in my hideyhole that I can now call DEPRESSION, I tend to think everyone hates me. (Shocker, I know) But my super cool sister quoted a super cool friend of hers the other day and it went something like this “What other people think about you is NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS”. That’s kind of harsh at first, but really, it isn’t any of your business! It shouldn’t concern you, because you shouldn’t care. That’s so hard to really embody, but it’s so important. It really is. That’s my big goal, to stop caring what a single person thinks of me! Because those moments where I’m FREE, I freaking shine, y’all. When I’m not worrying about what others think, I am a magical unicorn and I love myself.
So, be a unicorn, or a firework, or a star, or whatever majestic thing you think you are. Do it big. And make time for yourself.