How to deal with immature behavior, when she's back in pull-ups full-time:
She's having a lot of daytime accidents, and you have no choice but to put her back in pull-ups, 24/7. Poor thing! That's a lot to adjust to at her age. You'd think she'd want to prove she's still a big girl, but sometimes, being in pull-ups can make her get fussy, act out, or be uncooperative. Here are some common, immature behaviors to watch out for, and how to deal with them!
She complains about being in pull-ups: Every girl experiences this sometimes. You're about to leave for the museum, and suddenly your babygirl starts squirming and whining: "Dadddddyyyy, I don't want to wear pull-ups today!" It happens to every little girl.
Just gently sit her down and reminder her: it's Daddy's decision, Daddy's responsible for helping her stay dry, and it's "just in case" she has an accident. Remind her how upset she gets when she has an accident and wets her pants. You might ask her what's worse: having an accident in your pull-up, or wetting your pants? Hopefully, she'll get the picture, and you don't have to bring up any of her more... memorable accidents of late. If she doesn't, that's okay. That's why you put away all her panties a few weeks ago, right?
She isn't changing her wet pull-ups, and keeps leaking: You might think your babygirl is mature enough that she can be allowed to change herself when she's wet. But that's a lot of responsibility for one girl, and frankly, she just might not be ready for that yet. Pull-ups only hold one accident, so if she's not careful, or forgets to change, she'll leak.
I think that it's perfectly sensible to tell her– at least for now– that Daddy is going to be changing her. Or, at the very least, when Daddy says it's time to change, she needs to change. It's hard enough to be trying to get to the potty all the time! You're just looking out for her, and helping make sure the car seat doesn't get any more stains on it than it does already.
She's not telling you when she had an accident: This is very common for lots of little girls. She might have tried to hold it a little too long, or waited to get up off the couch, until it was too late. But... what now? If she tells you about her accident, that makes her look like a baby, and she desperately wants to appear mature. Plus, Daddy's gonna find out anyway... what's the big deal?
Turns out, for Daddy, it *is* a big deal. Her pull-ups are only meant for one accident. If she has another accident, she could leak all over the couch! If you start noticing this behavior, you have to sit her down and give her a talk. "Honey, if you don't tell me when you have an accident, I'm going to have to start checking you myself, even when we're in public. You're not going to like that very much. Can you be a big girl, and tell me instead?" Her beet-red face should tell you that she understands perfectly.
She isn't covering up her pull-ups: it's inevitable. A little waistband riding up on her summertime shorts, a brief moment where her skirt gets stuck flipped up after she stands up. Those things will just happen from time to time. That's why you're there to remind her to pull her shirt down, or pull her jeans up for her. But some girls just don't have the awareness that they're showing off their pull-ups to everyone. Too much of that, and everyone will make fun of her.
I suggest dressing her in ways that can adequately cover her pull-ups, so she isn't the subject of unnecessary teasing. Snap-up onesies, leotards, or overalls all do great work for keeping her friends or family from seeing. Tell her that it's not her fault– you just need to help her keep her special underwear a secret.
She starts taking her pull-ups off: This is a problem, and it should not be tolerated. If you catch your babygirl with her pull-ups off, she needs to be marched straight to her room to be changed, and probably punished. You need to make sure she knows that this is very bad behavior, and she will be punished if she continues to do it. Remind her that you're just trying to make sure she's safe and protected from her accidents. Her pleas of "I don't need them..." and "I'm not a baby..." should be treated gently, but you should let her know that this behavior will not be allowed, going forward.
If it continues, over and over, there are some steps you can take. I discovered that some make onesies that zip up in the back, in a way that makes it hard to remove without supervision (ask me how I know...). That way, she can't take her pull-ups off. A little extreme, but for some little girls, you just have to do it for a while, until she's ready to be mature and stay in her pull-ups.
She acts out when you check her in public: You need to remain calm, be firm with her, and tell her that she needs to act like a big girl, not a baby. She might not understand that acting out like this makes her look immature. She may mistakenly believe that squirming away or avoiding you will make her feel more mature. You need to remind her that she is going to be checked in public, whether she likes it or not. Especially if she can't be honest with you when she's wet. If she continues to fuss, or whine, there's little to be done other than take her by the hand and march her straight to the family changing room. It's not a bad idea to emphasize that, if she is going to make a fuss every time you check her, diapers might be more appropriate...
She starts using her pull-ups like diapers: It can happen– she gets a little complacent, or lazy. Whereas before, she was running to the potty at every little tingly feeling, now she doesn't even get up, or halfheartedly walks toward the bathroom before stopping in her tracks, eyes glazed over, and wetting herself. You'll notice this is happening when she never seems to be dry whenever you check her. You need to figure out whether she's just being lazy, or her bladder control really is getting worse. Either way, you need to let her know that this behavior can't continue– she can't keep leaking in her pull-ups– and that she needs to try as hard as she can to stay dry.
The threat of putting her "back in diapers" should be enough to really drive the point home for her. If she was just lazy or unmotivated, that alone should be enough to get her to try hard again. And, if she really is losing control, then... maybe diapers aren't such a bad idea after all. If– after all the encouragement, threats, ultimatums– her accidents just get worse, it might be time to give diapers a try. Sure, she's not going to be using the potty anymore, but at least she won't be so embarrassed every time she leaks onto her pants, right? And, as her caregiver, diapers are a lot easier for you to manage her toileting needs. No more pulling her shoes off just to change her pull-up, or after every accident. Because she can stay in them for longer, you can just change her diaper when it's more convenient for you.
Pull-ups really are meant for responsible, mostly-potty-trained girls. Perhaps she just needs to be back in diapers, and you can wait until she's mature enough to start potty training her again. Whenever that is. We'll see, sweetie pie, we'll see...
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