the names of hurricanes

for the brazen and burning.

[thenamesofhurricanes]

10-3-11

I would write by the light of this lightening if I asked it gently. This silent static sky. I press the electricity of my teeth and it reminds me about bold breathing. Your arching hands have been limp lately. I just want you to hold onto something lovelier lately.

I fear you have mistaken me for some kind of magic. I am nothing more than quiet lightning, the silent static watching over my lanky limbs. I’ve been searching in all the lost corners of my conscious for answers and all I found was burning blues. You must have mistaken me dear. Because there’s thunder hiding in these bones. There’s arching and I am aimless. Keep your eyes closed for these card tricks because they’re just delicate distractions. The truth is this thin skin I am in is deliciously destructive.

[thenamesofhurricanes]

your body is a road map to the sky.

i want to hold you up and see if the light shines through, lick you to see if you taste like honeysuckle in the alley on a summer day. know your body like i know the veins in my hands. know your heart like it’s been pumping my body this whole time, like this isn’t just me at your doorstep with a plate of cookies. (they’re your favorite and warm from the oven.) give me your hand and i’ll give you every love note i ever wrote to a stranger. give me your hand and i’ll give you every time i was breathless. give me your hand and i’ll give you this small yellow room i am learning to call home. this place shakes like me, my dear. every day and under your feet. there is something in there, bubbling fierce. but i am only two unsteady hands, love. take them away from me before i break it. this is it. i am trying to be honest. I am not digging graves. there aren’t autumn leaves here, love. I am only spinning on the opposite side of the earth. don’t run away. I promise i’ll catch that plane.

[thenamesofhurricanes]

what is loving you?

if not a tender smouldering, magnetic hypnosis, an intuitive bewitching.

we coalesce, approach exquisite delirium, find enchantment in slick skin.

and i ache for you, evaporate for you, delineate for you.

i am yours--

this heartbeat, this possibility, this lingering shiver.

[thenamesofhurricanes]

As I watch the ever uncertainty tremble around me, it’s easy to fall into the deep trap of anxiety. Connections feel lost in this moment. This is unpredictable, unprecedented, and uncomfortable. And I’m grieving the world we once knew, once moved so freely in, once grew complacent in. This is our time, not for distance, but for searching. A time to go inward and consider what we will create from this wreckage. How to move forward again. How to rebuild something that was not particularly working in the first place. Let us bloom. We are in the midst of transformation. Let this make us stronger, more united, more creative. Take this time to envision the world you want to come back into. ♥️

[thenamesofhurricanes]

ode to my sensitivity

i am messy; i am magnetic; i am human

my intensity is my offering, my instinct, my accomplishment.

i don’t run from this fierce energy. i am it. I claim it. this is my magic that i’m leaning into.

i am full of power, passion, magnitude. what most people will never know in a single lifetime.

i embody what it means to be alive, what it means to be experiencing, what it means to grow.

where there is agony, there is an unfolding, a becoming, a bittersweet lesson.

every encounter, every miscalculation, every breath.

there is no shame in sorrow. i welcome this grief. give it a fleece blanket. invite it to spend the night. we come to know each other.

familiarity, comfort, authenticity.

who i am is undeniable. intuitive, deliberate soft and strange. a healer, creator, feeler-- these emotions carved into my being.

what makes me sensitive is stunning. what makes me radiant is this asymmetry, this undoing, this eager tenderness.

i am at the mercy of my empathy.

i relish these lunar currents, each unsteady season, my capacity to exist, endure, and eventually, flourish.

giving every ounce of me over to what we fear and worship most: impending time.

there is no going up from here, only forward.

allowing the vertigo that is gravity, this ballet of bewilderment. none of this makes any sense to me,

and yet--

[thenamesofhurricanes]

grief is the girl in crushed velvet.

and I have met her here before: in the depths of blackened basement, at a riot in the southern hemisphere, at the hands of my most brutal lover, playing house in the back of my throat. i have memorized mourning, know the waxing and waning of this ache. remember there is no such thing as normal, only this fragmented heart,  a quiet tide of the moon.

grief is my meditation. the tender torture of madness, obliges my opulent unraveling, languishes in anguished amnesia, my bruises are sweeter than honey. and i consider all the times i’ve gifted this grief,  this sharp object, this chaos and confusion. lament what i cannot fix. feel defective in my fury, in my fear, in my  loss.

[thenamesofhurricanes]

I’m not afraid

And if they kill me, I’ll have died being true to myself.

[thenamesofhurricanes]

Always nerding out about music

[thenamesofhurricanes]

But will this photo make me tumblr famous again?

[thenamesofhurricanes]

[thenamesofhurricanes]

At times healing seems like an impossible and far away star, something I will never truly know. I want it to be quick, easy, and painless, but the reality is (as many traumatized people know) that healing is everything but easy, quick, or painless. It is sometimes the hardest thing to even get through a day. Healing has been frustrating; has pushed me past every comfortable limit; has forced me to examine myself and the world around me. I am still fighting, even when the only fight I have in me is a quiet acknowledgement and a refusal to quit.

[thenamesofhurricanes]

My latest mix, released earlier this week. A culmination of everything I’ve been feeling lately. An exorcism. A nightmare. A chance to connect with the darkest parts of oneself.

[thenamesofhurricanes]

For those of you who don’t know the myth of Persephone I chose this alter ego for a reason. Persephone experienced terrible trauma in her life, being abducted and tricked by Hades, but she also represents rebirth and redemption and resilience. She represents the cycle of how death brings life and life inevitably ends in death. There is a lot of profound meaning that I find in the story of Persephone and thus I have adopted this as my DJ name. I like that Persephone, to me, represents a full spectrum, the many sides of what it means to be human, the darkness and the light, and this is something I like to bring to each set. A dream realized. The palpable journey of rich emotion. The hypnotic influence of music to make us feel.

Stay tuned for some exciting news... ♥️⚡️🎧

[thenamesofhurricanes]

very excited to play at odyssey on the 19th. the set i’ve been cooking up is very dark, very emotional, very telling of all the things i’ve been feeling, how alone and stuck inside my head i’ve been. 

[thenamesofhurricanes]

i wake up reluctantly, easing into familiar aches: the treachery of intimacy. i erase and rewrite my life; feel all the trepidation of the world; find safety in a pink blanket, in velvet sadness, in a borrowed book, in a cat who keeps his distance. i count down the days until i’ve made up my mind again. tending to my synapses like a garden. each seed planted, an experiment. could i ever really make something grow? i’ve only ever known violent unraveling. but here i am, 28 years old with my hands in the dirt. still trying my damnedest to live.

[thenamesofhurricanes]

shouting into the void

i have lost so much in this life. the irony of the tattoo on the back of my leg burns worse than the needle ever did. i want to heal faster than is possible, but i am too sensitive for this world. wishing for an echo. the people i love disappear in an instant. there’s a purposefulness in all of this. the facade of a deep intimacy. my darkest pieces revealed. and again i wonder if the problem is this; i am too soft, too emotional, too perceptive, too damaged for this world.

[thenamesofhurricanes]

something about this space feels like an oasis, a call to safety, safer still because of the ghosts. a memory of what it felt like to be an artist. well, i’m making a comeback. i know the words are in me. i just have to release them.