[thebelchers]

[thenightdances]

hey,

I haven’t been on here in about a year. Most of them are collections of reblogs and whatnot. 

i have not been writing down my thoughts and what is going on with me lately. not even in my journal. therefore, my head is filled with all of these thoughts that sometimes i just need to get out. and seeing as a computer is in front of me and not a journal, here i am.

things have been fucking difficult as of late. i have been going from room to room of my generous friends. not really knowing what each day is going to bring. the past week, i have been dashing between two folks. one, i think i am in love with. and the other who is in love with me. which is a lot of emotional energy.

the first one, is a short, raspy speaking bartender originally from chicago. he likes whiskey, playing with my hair and smoking endless camel blues. we sit on his porch in the st. roch telling stories of past. trying to peace together what we want from our lives. it is simple. we drink, have a good time and just honestly enjoy being around each other. 

i first met him through another bartender who is also from chicago. i worked with at one of my favorite dive bars. 

the first night was filled with jameson, molly and his current girlfriend at the time. we stayed up all night having a threesome i will probably remember for forever. honestly, i think this whole thing started with jameson and will probably end with jameson.

the second one i also met a year ago at my friend’s house. we were sitting around the glittered table drinking beers and shooting the shit. and instantly, she was in love with me.  i don’t understand why anyone wants to be in love with me. especially the more that a human finds out about me. yet, i just cannot reciprocate the feelings. and i think being around this human, staying in the same bed is getting taxing for the both of us. not having a permanent address is getting taxing to be completely real.

but, i quit my job on mardi gras. and well..have been bumming around since almost two weeks ago it stopped. 

i want to be better. but, then i am in the cycle where i cannot quit just doing stupid ass shit. over and over. 

and not getting out of bed is not helping. and not doing anything is not helping.

i need to make money so, i can get out of this position. 

and part of that drive is from hanging around the first one so much. we might talk a lot of shit. we might drink too many shots of whiskey and smoke all the cigarettes in the world. but, our conversations get me out of my head and onto something better.

i really want him to be something for me. i know it probably will not last. but at least it will create a mark on this tiny heart of mine.

[ghosts-in-the-tv]

From Planning and Remodeling Kitchens, (1979)

[thedragoninmygarage]

[thenightdances]

YESSSS. I can say this being from the South. (Which is an awesome place despite all the negative things about it)

[darksilenceinsuburbia]

Philip Kwame Apagya

jackshainman.com

[thenightdances]

Yesss.

[glittervajayjayy]

http://instagram.com/lilyturnbulljones

[bettedavisgf]

you: sweater weather me, an intellectual: seasonal depression

[teacakes]

[thenightdances]

This is everything.

[thenightdances]

August 2016.

7 August I turned 24. I worked a double I couldn't get out of. I was hungover and miserable. I hope it's not the theme of this year. This month, my roommates and I went from getting along to fighting. One is moving back to the West. And things feel very up in the air. I have been drinking like it's never going out of style. Been working six days a week. Which means my life has gotten beyond fucking messy. All month, I have been having constant anxiety attacks. It's like I cannot breathe. It comes to me in waves. And the only way I know how to nip in the bud is a shot of Espalon and a cigarette. I was due for a hard August. There is flooding going on up the river from me. Talks about a hurricane or tropical storm. Everyone. Literally everyone I know is dealing with some shit. Moving out of houses. Dealing with illnesses. Changing jobs. Sweating to death. New Orleans is a damn sauna. I just want things to be normal again. I don't feel like myself. Just simply a shell of who I think that I am. I called off work. Fucked the guy I have been seeing. Hung out on my porch and smoked cigarettes while drinking Yuengling. He left for work. I went to sleep. I feel dead from constantly not sleeping. August, why have you been such a goddamn bitch to me?

[bookgeekconfessions]

Whether we’re a preschooler or a young teen, a graduating college senior or a retired person, we human beings all want to know that we’re acceptable, that our being alive somehow makes a difference in the lives of others.

Fred Rogers, The World According to Mister Rogers: Important Things to Remember

Book Geek Quote #807

(via bookgeekconfessions)

[thenightdances]

January

Is for: -watching too much tv -not leaving bed unless for coffee or work -dreaming of something other than my reality -making plans for the other part of the year when I am not depressed -listening to angst girl rock. -questioning myself -barely drinking

Can it be April already? I'll know where I am living and hopefully have money saved.

[danieltopetephoto]

Bully at SXSW on film

[thenightdances]

Another one of my loves.

[nprmusic]

Against frayed-nerve guitar riffs and rock-salt distortion, Speedy Ortiz’s Sadie Dupuis is fed up and unwilling to keep letting toxic people in her life underestimate her. With a satisfying refrain — “I’m not bossy, I’m the boss… caller of the shots” — “Raising The Skate” asserts itself as an empowering call to arms.

[thenightdances]

My favorite babes. Def the newest band I am obsessed with.

[thenightdances]

I was at work when my landlord told me she plans on trying to evict me. All because my dumbass self is bad about mailing checks. Seriously FML right now. I don't have anywhere to go. And my bank account isn't swimming in money to move. I am hoping she is cool with me paying a $100 late fee and with me using Chasepay. -_- I should prob not renew my lease. Ughhhhh.

[newblogisjacindaelena]

northernrusticatio

[thenightdances]

I think I am still in love with a famous artist and Eric. #ugh

[thenightdances]

2015/thoughts.

I don't really use this site anymore. Which is slightly insane. I grew up with tumblr being the most enjoyable way for me to find people I meshed well with. 2015 was the first good year of my life. Was in a serious relationship with someone who taught me how to be a better person. Got my own apartment that has become my oasis. Explored who I was. Went to New York and Philly for the first time. Met a million people. (And s ton of amazing Tumblrs) Went three months without booze. Didn't drive a car. Got in a fight with my dad. Made up. Paraded in Pride Parade. What a year. And the list could go on. There are always challenges with every year. I left my phone in a Lyft in NYC the night before I left. The driver mailed it back. Proof that sometimes life just fucking works out. The holidays were really difficult on me. It reminded me of my ex and all of our plans. And how my family all kinda hates each other. I drank too much during the month of December. Which is why I honestly think I like life better as a non drinking gal. And I am going to do it again. But, that's how life is sometimes. And now to not dwell on it. My main goals for 2016 are to - Build more of a community. Go to Portland. Try to find a damn hobby. I hope all of y'all have an amazing new year.